Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sin Francisco
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.18.2001
Yes, it could very well be the Dog Chow. However, it's more likely to be all that crystal meth Purina's been pumping into every little luscious doggie mouthful.
"YOU! Are ressssponssssible!" Oh, Lizbot. Shut. UP.
Back from the assault on all that is decent and good that is otherwise known as Roswell promos (cancel the show cancel the show cancel the show), Piper crawls to Phoebe's unconscious side. There's a trickle of blood seeping from Phoebe's ear, and while we're supposed to think she was shot, it's more likely the result of a burst eardrum from the gun going off next to her head when she tackled Officer Package. Piper, dealing with what appear to be a few cracked ribs herself, calls out for the Dolt as she crawls to the foot of the stairs. She heaves herself up one riser at a time as the camera cuts to the Dolt, passed out in the Bridal Boudoir. Piper staggers into the Boudoir and falls to her knees, dragging some bottles from the dresser to the floor with her as she goes. They shatter, and this noise finally awakens the Dolt. The Dolt, for some unfathomable reason, appears to have been asleep for about three days. Listen up, and listen good, because I doubt I'll ever say anything like this again -- The Dolt doesn't look that bad all scruffy and unshorn. He leaps from the bed upon realizing Piper is injured, and he flares up blue as a result. The Deadly Bath Bead of Sloth shoots out of his back, destination unknown. Piper tells him with all the surprise she can muster that he "just glowed." The Dolt brushes off this observation to lay the special Whitelighter tingly touch on Piper's injuries. She instructs him to take care of the worse-off Phoebe first, and then to search for Prue, who as we know is in the arms of a demon. At this, Piper flares up orange, and the Deadly Bath Bead of Gluttony takes its leave of her body. The Dolt heals Piper, then ruins the scruffy effect he's got going for him by getting all soporifically earnest on the audience's collective ass again. He correctly supposes that the Bath Beads fled as a result of the "selfless" acts of the twosome. "By caring more about your sisters, and by me caring more about you, we overcame [the Deadly Bath Beads]." Piper reasons that, by that logic, the Bath Bead of Lust should have left Phoebe when she dived over the railing to tackle Officer Package. The two head back to the main hall, where the Dolt heals Phoebe's ear. The three head off to find Prue, who "even though she won't admit it," as Piper notes, "is in big trouble."
Evil Carnival of Schlock. Prue struggles, to no effect, against the restraints in which Kenickie has placed her. Prue and Kenickie snipe at each other. Prue continues to assert she can vanquish him. Kenickie smarms that that's just the Bath Bead of Pride talking. However, as he believes that all the other Bath Beads save Envy, Pride, and Anger have done their jobs, he's willing to make a deal with her. He gestures to his cheap plastic box of the Seven Deadly Bath Beads. It contains four. If Prue agrees to reveal the location of the Bath Bead of Envy, Kenickie will remove the Bath Bead of Pride from her and place it back in the box to be used again. See why I was wondering where the hell the Bath Bead of Greed was earlier? Stupid continuity. Or lack thereof. Anyway, Prue doesn't like that idea, as it involves infecting yet more innocents in a never-ending cycle of Bath Bead Hell. Kenickie grabs a long glass staff, which he thumps on the carpet. The "Bottomless Pit of Everlasting Torment" -- or as we like to call it, "Evil Carnival of Schlock, Southern Division" -- opens up in the floor. I'm thisclose to going even further and calling it "Orlando, Florida." Prue, always one with the hidden agenda, agrees to give Kenickie the information he wants, but only if he unties her first. He hesitates, but relents, TKing her bonds to the floor. "You lose! I win! Hah!" she chortles, and leaps into the Bottomless Carnival of Everlasting Orlando Florida.