Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sin Francisco
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.18.2001
Meanwhile, Darryl is busy suspending Officer Package for dereliction of duty. Officer Package, of course, tries to pin the whole mess on the badly-dressed slut with the condoms. Darryl: "Go back to the station, and turn in your hardware." Gee. That sounds like it would hurt a guy. Sorry! Sorry! I had to do it. Bet you didn't know the Eighth Deadly Bath Bead contains the Sin of Cheap Shots, did you? Darryl stalks off as Officer Package shouts indignantly at his retreating form. Kenickie pops in for a little lecture on the physiology of anger. He also opens the cheap box to toss the last of the Seven Deadly Bath Beads into Officer Package. Why the Greed Bath Bead is not back in the box waiting for reuse now that the "bus" "plowed" into "Pike," I'll never know. In any event, Officer Package is now extremely miffed. He demands to know who Kenickie is. Kenickie suavely replies, "Someone who can help you channel your anger." Officer Package, who looks alarmingly like Robert Patrick in T2: Judgment Day when peevish, glowers into the camera as we cut to commercial.
Back from break, Phoebe and Prue approach the manor's front door. Phoebe: "You know, it wouldn't have killed you to drive past the fire station for a little look-see." Demian, beyond all hope: "Hee!" Prue and Phoebe enter the manor to discover the fruits of Piper's shopping spree crammed into every available space. Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty lewdly ogles the fat, grey, fiftysomething deliveryman and notes that Piper has "put the 'glut' in 'gluttony.'" Phoebe should mind her tongue, given her talent for putting the "slut" in "slut," the "slag" in "slag," the "tramp" in "tramp," the…eh, you can see where I'm going with that. Prue confronts Piper -- how did all this stuff arrive at the manor so quickly? Piper flipped through the BoS to rustle up some "I want it NOW" spells, violating that ban on using magic for personal gain that caused the gals so much trouble in "Morality Bites." Piper ignores Prue's bitchery to flip the switch on a loud and monstrous fountain. Over the roar of the water she shouts, "Soothing, isn't it?" Snicker.
In the parlor, Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty struts over to the Dolt, who apparently hasn't budged from his sprawl on the sofa. The Dolt tells her she's blocking his view of the new, humongous television set Piper bought for him. She can think of something "more exciting that television." Because she's a whore. That something more exciting is, of course, Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty. She takes the remote from the Dolt and switches off the set. The Dolt whines for her to return the remote, and listlessly lunges across her to retrieve it. Piper fortuitously enters at this point, gives the situation a brief once-over, and shrieks, "Phoebe!" Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty notes that, as Prue has her under house arrest, she must "make do" with what she finds in the manor. Honey, I'd rub up and down on a damn doorknob before I made a move on the Dolt, but I guess you do what you think is necessary. "Get your slutty hands off of my husband!" Piper screams. "Make me," is the cool reply from Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty. Piper hoists a freshly-acquired bust of Shakespeare and prepares to brain the Feebs with it. The wicked Eighth Deadly Bath Bead of Cheap Shots compels me to note the recipient of a proper braining would require a brain to begin with. The sin! Oh, the sin! Will I never be clean?