Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sin Francisco
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.18.2001
Where was I? Oh, yeah: Prue yells at them all to get a grip. While Darryl has taken care of the poor Protestant afflicted with the Bath Bead of Envy, they still have to deal with the remaining Bath Bead of Anger. Prue starts to assign duties, again ordering the Dolt to consult with TPTB. The Dolt, in a near stupor (I know, I know. This is different…how?), claims he's too tired to comply. Prue belabors him about his face and neck, snitting that "it's [his] job!" The Dolt yawns and deadpans, "Why bother? You never listen to me anyway." The Dolt orbs up to the Bridal Boudoir for a nap. Prue snots that the sisters don't need the Dolt anyway, as they still have The Power Of Three in their bag of tricks. Speaking of tricks, Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty takes this opportunity to peruse the centerfold of a magazine entitled Men's Fall. Piper dons a pair of boxing gloves and childishly beats her hands together. Prue gapes.
Cut to Officer Package, stomping out of his police station in civvies. The package of Officer Package is packed into a pair of tight-fitting pants, which leads me to believe that he did not, in fact, "turn in his hardware," if you know what I mean. He storms over to his product-placed Ford Explorer and slings a bag into the trunk. Kenickie smokes in beside the vehicle, startling the suspended cop. Kenickie wants to know if Officer Package has ascertained the whereabouts of the poor envious Protestant. Officer Package has not. Kenickie blithers on about Anger being the most painful of the Sins or something. I was far too distracted by the torrid sexual tension between these two in this scene to get the dialogue straight. (The Sin of Cheap Shots pops up to snicker, "'Straight.' Geddit?") Kenickie even -- get this -- slowly slides his hand into Officer Package's pants to pull out the weapon he has hidden there. No, not like that. This isn't Showtime, gang. It's an actual weapon -- an automatic pistol. Which I suppose sounds just as filthy, given the context. Kenickie places the gun in Officer Package's hand and purrs that Officer Package should go after the Halliwells. "Anger always feels better when it has a target," he murmurs, and I totally expect these two to start licking each other's tonsils right there in front of the station.
Manor attic. Prue flips through the BoS in a futile attempt to find more useful information. "Why did only lame witches precede us?" she bitches. "Because no one is as good as you," Piper perks from her rocker. She has her feet immersed in one of those water-massage thingies no one I know owns, and is wrapped in an extravagant marabou-trimmed dressing gown. Prue bitches some more, turning the blaze of her wrath on Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty, whom Prue claims is "sleeping." Ah, but she's not. "I'm having the best premonitions of my life," Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty notes. Seems she's kept a button from Officer Package's torn shirt. "If the movie's anything like the previews," she sighs, "whoah!" I'll just bet, you shameless hussy. Prue blathers on about having to do everything by herself. Piper mutters a dismissive "nuh" and proceeds to knock a live light bulb into the water massage thingie. The resulting electrical shock tosses her into a back flip to the floor. Prue immediately rushes to Piper's aid, but Piper's pretty much okay. The doorbell chimes, and Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty flies to the window to see who's pressing her buzzer. Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty nearly flies out of said window when she realizes the visitor is Officer Package. Prue once again saves the day by yanking Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty back into the attic. Prue actually cries, "For the love of Sin! Don't you two see what's happening?" Oy. Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty just wants to get her some, and runs out to answer the door. Piper decides what Prue needs is a new pair of shoes, and turns to follow Phoebe out of the attic. Prue, again, gapes -- this time with squinting!
Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty flings open the door and greets Officer Package with "I knew you'd come back for me." She quickly realizes that sexual ecstasy will not be on the menu this evening when Officer Package pushes the automatic into her side. He demands to know where the poor envious pastor is. Phoebe doesn't know. Officer Package, convinced she is lying, tosses her into a still-boxed Gateway computer. He then paces through the parlor, smashing purchases and ranting all the while. He blames Phoebe for his suspension, and promises her that "[she's] gonna pay. [She's] gonna pay right now." He rather creepily points the gun at her with both hands as she backs up the stairs, begging for her life. Seriously, that brief bit of threatened violence was a little too realistic for those of us accustomed to the usual cartoonishness of this show. The moment passes, however, when Piper enters from upstairs to squall, "My STUFF!" Officer Package aims the gun at Piper, who freezes him. He pulls himself out of the freeze, though, presumably because the Bath Bead of Gluttony has weakened Piper's powers and the Bath Bead of Anger is too strong to be contained. Officer Package squeezes off a shot that hits the Deluxe Tiffany Stained-Glass Flamingo, and again demands to know the pastor's whereabouts. He re-aims and squeezes off another shot as Phoebe leaps from the stairs to tackle him into another stack of Piper's purchases. Piper busies herself by tumbling down from the landing to crash into more of her new belongings, setting off a chain reaction that results in a large packing crate slamming her to the floor, pinning her underneath. Prue clomps down the stairs as Officer Package staggers to his feet, clawing at his stomach and screaming in Deadly Bath Bead pain. He starts to point the gun into his own face, but Prue TKs a hail of objects on his head until he's been rendered unconscious. Before she can see if Piper and Phoebe are all right, Kenickie smokes onto the landing behind her. He wraps an arm tightly around her neck, telling her she "can't save what is already lost." He smokes them both out of the manor, and we smoke into a commercial break.