Episode Report Card Omar G: C+ | 2 USERS: C YOU GRADE IT Meta-stasized
By Omar G | Season 7 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.24.2007
Clark arrives home in his blue pick-up truck. As he does, there are news vans and paparazzi waiting for him. Clark! Clark! Clark! Over here! Smile! Are you wearing underwear? Who are you wearing? Is that Polo/Ralph Lauren? Wal-Mart bargain rack? Clark! Clark! Are you dating Brangelina? Will you be adopting any African babies? Clark! The reporters swarm around Clark, asking if he's dating Christina and whether he's an actor. Well...that's up for debate. Clark comes into the house to tell Christina that there are no more leads on the case. He finds her lying on a massage table, getting patted down by a male masseuse. A dudesseuse, if you will. There are tons of candles lit; the house has been turned into a makeshift spa. Christina, taking off her glasses (she was on, like, page 20 of her Shakespeare book), says she was trying to undo the stress of a death threat and six hours in a body harness. Clark says that if the paparazzi found her, then the would-be killer must know her location, too. Now she's stressed again. Dammit, Clark! She asks the dudesseuse to excuse them. She asks Clark to hand her a robe. She's nekkid! Clark realizes it and shift uncomfortably. He turns away as she gets dressed. We see her bare back. Clark notices an envelope on the table that reads, "CLARK KENT." Christina says that it arrived earlier. Clark opens it. It's a comic book. A note paper-clipped inside reads, "I saw what you did -- it's your job to save the world. Save it." It's from the fans of this show. Now get on with it! The comic shows Warrior Angel catching a bullet in his hand. Clark says suddenly that they're leaving. This place isn't safe anymore.
We go from Misery to Children Of The Corn. Papa Luthor is running through vegetation, trying to get away. He runs and runs and runs. It's foggy. A shovel suddenly comes into frame and whacks him in the face. He falls. Marilyn, who was in close pursuit with a gun, says, "Thank God...it's you!" It's Evil Lana Lang! She was holding the shovel. She throws it down angrily and asks, "How did he escape, Marilyn?" Marilyn doesn't have a great answer. Lana says that she's not paying her to make mistakes. Lana's cell phone rings. She answers it. She turns around and pretends to be Sweet Virginal Lana. It's Clark. She lies that she's watching a movie with Aunt Nell. She promises to pick up Christina as soon as she can. Lana hangs up. She turns and gazes at unconscious Papa Luthor, and puts her evil face back on.
Commercials. I am now intimately familiar with the Pampers line of baby products. I can even tell you the differences between their brands of baby wipes.