Episode Report Card Omar G: C+ | 2 USERS: C YOU GRADE IT Meta-stasized
By Omar G | Season 7 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.24.2007
Commercials. The CW wants you to be a "Vlogger," whatever that means. Tell them in two minutes why Lana should go away and never come back. And then go back in time five years and make it happen then.
Very snazzy new overhead establishing shot of Metropolis skyline. The LuthorCorp building is pointy. Someone is swiping a key card to get into Lex's office. It's Lois, wearing a business suit and glasses. She's got her hair pinned up as she walks to Lex's desk and to his open laptop and taps in a password. "Wow, I am really good at this," Lois marvels. We're as surprised as you are. See, what they did was, they took the stuff that was cool about Chloe and they dumped it into Lois's brain. That's showbiz, baby! "Remind me to change my locks," says Lex, who is standing right behind Lois. He came in without making a sound? Was he hiding the whole time? Oh, show, make sense! Lois says she thought Lex was being honored by the Green Cross tonight. The Green Cross? Is that for aiding famine-plagued leprechaun lands? Lex takes her ID badge. It reads, "Level 9," and the name "Sadie Blodgett," which apparently is an obscure comics reference. Lex asks where she got this. Lois won't talk. Lex says that journalists have spent the last decade turning his life into bad headline puns and trying to dig up dirt; he asks whether Lois is any different. "I don't have any secrets left," he says. For some reason, he gives her back the badge. Break in any time! Lois, following him out, asks if it's not a secret that he recently purchased land by the dam. Lex says that he never authorized that. Lois shows him the deed and says that there aren't a lot of Luthors with authorization privileges these days. Lex looks at the deed. Someone signed neatly, in cursive, "LL." Oh my God, LL Cool J did it! Also, his mother said to knock you out. Watch your back. He asks one of his henchmen, who also magically just appeared, to escort Lois off the premises. She goes. Lex stays longer so that he can glower. Grrrr, glower!
Back on the set of Kansas Misery. Papa Luthor, sweaty, is watching Marilyn spray her plants. He slowly, slooooowly, reaches to his bear trap. He tries to open it with his left hand. We see the claws that have torn into his flesh move and loosen. I almost faint. Seriously. This is way over the top. Gaaaaah! Papa Luthor almost screams as the sharp metal tears away at his flesh. This scene wouldn't be so squirm-inducing if Papa Luthor wasn't selling the shit out of it. Ow, ow, ow. It hurts to watch this. Papa Luthor, overcome with pain, somehow manages to get his hand loose. He covers it with the blanket. That bastard is magnificent! He knocks over his water glass, shattering it, to get Marilyn's attention. She comes over, warning him that she's no millionaire. Papa Luthor, planning his escape, tells Marilyn that he was wrong earlier and that he should be thanking her. She softens a bit. She picks up glass as she says that it's nice having company, what with it being so lonely out here. Papa Luthor, who took the trouble to get out of bed, says, "But I don't have time!" He shatters what might be a vase on her head and runs. Marilyn screams and falls. Smell ya later, crazy lady!