Episode Report Card Megyn: F | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT West Suck Story
By Megyn | Season 4 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.20.2001
We break to the kitchen where Ryan does...something with a clipboard as Claire sneaks up and grabs his tushy, startling poor Ryan, and he whips around and sees that his worst nightmare is a cakewalk compared to the hippopotamus currently in his dance space. Claire says he looks sexy in his kitchen whites. She loves a man in uniform. Claire grabs him and kisses him right there in the kitchen, in a prison, and Ryan struggles, breaks away, sputtering, "Not here. NOT now, I told you this is fucking crazy!" "What, O'Reily, you got a headache?" Ryan threatens to go to the warden. She reminds him that they aren't through till she says they're through, and maybe she'll have to find someone else...someone just as handsome...like, oh, I don't know...Cyril? Right on cue, Cyril walks by carrying something while staring up at the pretty, pretty ceiling. Ryan balks and agrees to get Claire's groove on. Claire induces vomiting by suggesting that Ryan play the "little Dutch boy," and that's as far as I'll go because I need this alcohol to stay down if I'm going to recap this dreck. Off they go to play little Dutch boy, although Ryan looks like Little Boy Blue. And Claire looks like she's got Chewbacca's paw on her head. Cyril watches them as they exit. We then cut to him on the payphone talking to "Aunt Brenda." Yes, the candy came. He especially liked the chocolate. This fascinating conversation is halted by an inmate, in combat-chic, banging on the wall and shouting for the "tard" to get off the phone. Combat Boy finally walks in and presses the connection tab. Cyril looks at him and smashes the phone on his hand, which is still on the phone, then takes him to the ground and beats the crap out of him. Murphy comes running in and pulls Cyril back while Cyril screams and gets his hair in his mouth. We then see Cyril being wheeled on a gurney into the infirmary of forbidden passion as Gloria attempts to sedate him. Cyril reaches up with one arm and tries to choke her until a hack hits him with his nightstick. We then cut to McManus saying to Gloria that Cyril is becoming increasingly erratic and suggests a transfer out of Oswald. He then cuts to more pressing matters by asking her about the rain check for dinner. As Gloria fights to keep her skin from crawling right off her body, she says she has a prior engagement, a work one. It's going to go late. McManus: "Tomorrow?" Gloria: "Maybe." She exits, thinking that monkeys might fly out of her butt, too. Is that sexual harassment?
Back in the infirmary -- Gloria's office, to be exact -- Ryan is venting about time, how much time gets wasted, how much time one has left. She just stares back at him throughout the scene. He sits on the stool opposite her and pleads that she has to help him and Cyril get out. He asks her to "make him old." I feel like I'm getting old as I'm typing this.