Episode Report Card Megyn: F | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT West Suck Story
By Megyn | Season 4 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.20.2001
McManus is yelling at Gloria in front of a juice machine that Ryan is not a viable candidate for the drug testing. "Why not?" "Because he's NOT eligible for parole, he's in for life." Gloria spits that she can petition the Commissioner to make an exception, and if he's going to listen to anyone about the O'Reily brothers, it's going to be her. McManus: "Why do you want to help him?" Gloria: "Humanitarian reasons." McManus says that "humanitarian and Ryan don't go in the same sentence." Gloria just yells, "Sometimes you are SO blind!" Well. That explains his wardrobe. McManus tell her he will do everything in his power to stop her and shut the whole operation down if she does this. They both stomp out while Murphy, who was sitting at the table the whole time, just sort of sits there with his mouth open.
With no preamble, we see Gloria in front of the ten chosen inmates for the drug testing. Ryan and Cyril are two of them. And no, we won't learn how or why they got to be there. She explains that five of them will get a real pill while the other five get a placebo. McManus fumes in the background while this music plays that sounds like air slowly being let out of a balloon. I'm not kidding. I hit rewind a bunch. It really does. By the way, volunteers also include Beecher and Robson. As for who gets what, there's just no guessing, folks. I know I'm stumped. Now, who do you think might get a real one and who will get the placebo? Gosh, I sure hope Ryan and Cyril both get the harmless stuff...hang on, I just gotta grab the phone...
Hill says his Uncle Bilbo always said that revenge is a dish best served cold. Hill is just the chairman of metaphoric blather. And who the hell names their kid Bilbo?
Basketball court. Enter Rick Fox, toting a basketball. He's yummy. Makes you wanna sop him up with a biscuit! He also went to Chapel Hill at the same time as my sister. He once threw up all over her boyfriend, who is now her husband, at a frat party. Isn't that a beautiful story? He spies Hill: "Augustus Hill -- how you doin', brother?" Hill gives him the brush-off, and Fox says he remembers when he first came to Oz, he was Hill's hero. Cue the flashback of relevance as we see Hill, with much shorter hair, yapping to a bandanna-wearing Fox about his basketball career while Fox smokes out underneath the staircase of invisibility. Back to the present, and Hill says he was naïve then. "Back then, I thought you were as good a person as a basketball player." Um, [sic]? I know it's no use. This is the show that ate proper grammar and picked its teeth with correct sentence structure. Anyway, Fox protests that during the riots in Oz, he tried to "step up and help"; in return he got an ass-whooping and a transfer. Hill, over his violin: "Whatever." Fox says he'll be up for parole soon anyway and Hill will still be rotting there. He throws the basketball he's holding right at Hill.
Hill in the fluorescent green computer room, swearing at the screen. Enter Rebadow, who asks what the matter is. Hill is trying to find the woman that Fox beat up and almost raped -- the reason he's in prison. Hill wants to make sure she gets in front of the parole board so Fox doesn't go free. Rebadow asks Hill why. Does he hate him? Why not just let him get out and resume his basketball career? Hill says it isn't about "hate," it's about justice. Through the rain of corn, Rebadow just says, "Sounds like hate to me."