Episode Report Card Niki: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Taking Sides
By Niki | Season 3 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.03.2002
Back to Soliloquy Beach, where everyone's still going on about Karen's brush with death. One new bit of information emerges: Karen is the one who introduced Sam and Janine.
"So, this is where the master plies his craft," Melissex purrs, surveying Sam's studio. She could be talking about sculptures or seduction, and Sam loves it. He chuckles in an attempt at modesty, handing her a glass of wine. "So, you live in your studio?" she asks, fishing. He confesses that he's recently separated, and he hasn't had a chance to find a new apartment. Flattery, flirtation, and clinking wine glasses, followed by Niki forcing the bile back down her throat.
Judy, meanwhile, is crashed out on her couch reading Love Lies. Subtle. She succumbs to her urge to pick up the phone, but before she can dial Sam's number, she rolls her eyes, sighs a disgusted "God!" and flops back on the couch. That's it, Judy! Resolve!
"I like hotel rooms," Melissex says. I'll bet. I'm sure she also likes puppies, rainy days, and walks on the beach. Sam smarms that hotel rooms are "good for the soul." He's an idiot. She tells him to shut up, but she's laughing, so I don't think she means it. She then shares all kinds of details about her past, and how her present involves a whole lot of traveling. Sam pretends to be listening as he strokes her ear and plots how to get her out of her tuxedo shirt. "Traveling is good," she says. "Traveling is good. It's...uh...sexy," Sam says. Scintillating pair, no? She earns a point by telling him that he thinks everything is sexy. He says that isn't true, and she challenges him to name what isn't. There's a long pause as Sam tries to think of one thing that doesn't give him a hard-on. What a shock -- he "can't remember" any. He leans in to kiss her just as his cell phone chimes. As he reaches for the phone, he mutters that it's probably his son. Wrongo! It's Judy. "Whatcha up to?" she asks. Sam casts a nervous glance at Melissex and scrambles up off the couch. He avoids answering by asking her how she's doing. Judy purrs that she's fine, and says she was wondering the same thing about him. "Oh, that's so...nice," he says lamely. Judy toys with a hair elastic and flirts a little. She asks if he wants to go for a drink later. Cornered, Sam spins to look at the Sure Thing on his couch, and stammers that he's having a continuation of his business meeting. Melissex knows what's going on, despite Sam's attempt to keep his side of the conversation furtive. Judy also knows what's going on, and her face hardens as Sam squirms. "You are so...responsible," she says. Her tone implies that, rather than "responsible," there a few other things she'd like to call him, and most of them involve four letters. She lets him off the hook, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice, and failing miserably. Sam clicks off his phone and exhales heavily, staring at it. "Girlfriend?" Melissex asks. "Heaven forfend," Sam says. Yeah, her sake. He uses the old "she's a friend who's a girl" line. Melissex quickly pegs the situation, observing that Judy wants to be his girlfriend. Sam tries to change the subject, but Melissex won't let him. She's good. She asks how he feels about Judy, and he bullshits that Judy is "uh...very nice." He then schmoozes that he's there with Melissex, now, and leans in for a kiss. Melissex is unable to resist his "charms," for some reason that is and will always be a mystery to me.