Episode Report Card Niki: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Taking Sides
By Niki | Season 3 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.03.2002
Back to Soliloquy Beach. The happy couples are lounging on canvas chairs, still teasing Karen about whatever happened. Rick is examining the contents of his belly button which, I don't think I have to tell you, is positively disgusting. For some reason, Karen feels the need to kiss him, and even lets him put his naval-contaminated fingers on her. They "mmmm" and smile and look pretty damn loose and happy.
Present-day Rick? Not so much. He's waiting in the office for Sam, who strolls in without a care in the world. Rick points out that he's late and asks, "You do realize that our meeting is at 9:45, don't you?" The clock on the wall reveals that it's 9:39 AM, so his tension is understandable. He grits, "How are the sketches that you did not do?" Sam mockingly assures Rick that they're "beautiful." "Who is she this time?" Rick asks. Sam's about to say Judy, but then catches himself and says, "You don't care. You just like to abuse me to feel better about your own miserable, new, compromised marriage." Seething, Rick asks, "How could you not have done the sketches?" "It's a website! Nobody looks at websites," Sam declares. Um, yeah. Nobody looks at this one, give or take half a million people a month. Rick glances toward the door and spots a blonde heading for the reception desk. He kvetches, "Oh great, she's here. I could kill you!" And there's not a jury in the world who'd convict you.
They stand to greet the woman, who introduces herself as Melissa Endberg. She pulls off her overcoat to reveal an extremely low-cut, black-lace-bra-revealing, and, in short, very professional suit. She whips out a video camera and explains that she's going to videotape their ideas for the hotel lobby to show Colin. She assures them it will be "very short and painless." A split-second later, she commands, "Speak!" Through her little screen, we see Rick pull a full-on guppy face. He stammers, "Well, Sam...has a bunch of really great ideas...for the website." Heh. Sam sarcastically thanks him as Melissex (lets face it -- we all know why she's here and where this is going) shifts her camera to him. After a few seconds of umming and uhhing, Sam shifts into turbo-bullshit gear, starting with the question, "Who goes to hotels?" He answers it himself: "People." He rhymes off all the places one can find people in a hotel. Melissex nods her head and looks intrigued, if a little wary. Rick picks up Sam's thread and asks, "What would be worse than an empty lobby?" Melissex is a quick study: "I guess an empty hotel?" The men smile as if she's a genius, and Sam says they need to have people in the lobby twenty-four hours a day. Melissex looks over the top of her camera and asks, "You mean you want to hire people to stand in the lobby?" Sam and Rick try to laugh it off as if that's not at all where they were heading, and scramble to come up with another idea. Rick blurts, "Sculptures." Relieved, Sam runs with it, saying they'll have sculptures of people in all kinds of "attitudes." The first example he throws out -- not surprisingly -- is a businessman with his mistress. Yeah, "Sleazy Affair in Bronze" should really convey the kind of four-star elegance they're going for. Melissex gets into it and throws out the idea of a couple on their honeymoon. Sam pretends to love the suggestion, and then sums up the pitch: "A lobby filled with people. The promise of the night. And that's what our lobby is gonna say." He stares earnestly into the camera. "You're good," Melissex purrs. "So, what are you doing tonight?" Sam sleazes. For some reason, Rick is surprised.