Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 66 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Piste Off, Or: The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 20 | Aired on 02.18.2014
So basically, he's saying, this is Aria's fault for breaking up with him and dating Karate Jake, when all he did was get obsessed with another child that he liked to pretend he was the father of. That's all, no big deal. I mean, your body makes a promise: If you ever get into a pitched custody battle over a child that has nothing to do with you, and I break up with you and date the hottest guy in the dojo, you have my permission to stalk myself and my friends and brainwash me and blow their shit up on drugs charges. I mean, isn't that what we talk about when we talk about love? It's just the deal we make.
Q: "Okay but defending you and running around in secret with you detonated my relationship with my parents and contributed to their divorce. I got put on blast by the entire lacrosse team. I lied to everyone about everything all the time, and when I said I wanted to be honest you made me feel like I was crazy."
A: "Yeah I was just being a good reporter."
Q: "Which is fine, except WE WERE NEVER ACTUALLY DATING. You weren't being upfront, which means I was dating an imaginary person."
A: "Do you seriously think a grown fucking man would indulge your bullshit like I do? Come on, baby. Who's gonna take you to Tunisia? Who's gonna paper-bag your face? Who's gonna look the other way when you feel artsy? Nobody. I'm your best shot."
A: "Now just hand over that manuscript that could indict me in over eleven thousand felonies and I will set fire to it, proving my love to you forever."
Q: "Are you kidding me? I'm gonna read this fucking thing cover to cover. Obviously."
I have never been prouder of her. That's such a great response. But to no avail, since there's another hamfisted "accident" between the two of them -- still stuck side-by-side on this ski-lift in the middle of nowhere, I want you to imagine that aspect of this real hard -- and the pages all go fluttering down into the woods.
And we won't be returning to this situation, so I also want you to imagine how they got down. Did it start up again and take them to the Lodge, and they then skied down together? Did they say awkward goodbyes back at his cabin before driving home separately, or did they pause for a snack in Tunisia after all that running around and adrenaline? Did either of them think, "I should probably go snag those pages off the mountainside" and then just shrug, after thinking about what a hassle that would be? I mean the possibilities are endless.