Episode Report Card Jessica: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hotel New Hampshire
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.27.2001
Worthington University, Home of the Fighting Floozies. Audrey and Joey are primping for the Sigma Ew formal. Audrey has unfortunately opted for crimped hair, which, now and forever, screams "seventh grade!" to me. Joey looks awesome, if a bit costume-y, in a gorgeous vintage full-skirted dress and a retro up-do. Audrey's really excited about the formal, she says, even if the whole last-minute-date thing is a bit tacky. Joey is less enthusiastic, telling her roommate that she's sure "it's just another night of frat debauchery masquerading as an event." Audrey rolls her eyes. "Okay, killjoy," she says, putting on her lipstick. "First off, Jack said this Eric guy is hella cute." "Hella"? No one from Los Angeles says "hella." A girl of Audrey's lineage would say "totally." Trust me. Although I guess Audrey could have picked it up from one of her many boy-toys. College is all about learning new things, after all. Anyway, she thinks it's "amazing" how closed-minded Joey is about frats. Joey makes a series of mopey faces, until Audrey strolls over and cups Joey's face in her palm. "Joey. We are going on a double date. A little cheer, please?" she asks. Audrey is my girlfriend. Joey finally cracks a grin. "At least I'll have fun with Jack, right?" she says. That's like saying, "I have a date with that nice Ted Bundy! I can't wait!" Finally, Jack and Eric knock knock knock on their chamber door, and Audrey races to pose herself seductively behind Joey. Hugs and kisses between Jack and Joey; appraising glances between Audrey and Fratty Eric, who dubs her a "stone fox." I haven't heard that phrase since -- well, since I was crimping my hair, actually. Audrey smiles back at him flirtatiously. "You'll have to do," she tells him.
Hooksett Cherry-Picking Festival. Dawson and Jen are checking in with some Quirky New Englander, who squeals when Dawson gives her his name. "You're totally wicked cute!" she tells him. "Way cuter than your picture!" Oh my God, so many snide comments are racing through my brain right now that I think my head might explode. Jen snorts. "Oh, is this your girlfriend?" QNE asks, wrinkling her nose. Jen snorts louder. QNE rolls her eyes and starts processing their paperwork, as some Other Quirky New Englander (Male) strolls up and starts reading over her shoulder. "Your movie's awesome," he tells the Head. The screening of A.I. Brooks: Thanks for the Cash is all sold out. And Dawson "beat Oliver." We pan over to Oliver, who is, apparently, the Dawson of Hooksett. He looks very much like Nicholas Brendan. He's, like, the poor man's Xander. Call him, say, "Pander." Apparently, Pander has won The Hooksett Memorial Film Festival For Guys With Dead Gay Dads (or whatever), for, like, four years in a row. OQNE isn't very impressed with Pander, though. "If you ask me, he's kind of retarded," he tells Dawson and Jen, sotto voce. QNE smacks him. "He's eccentric, Trevor. Gawd!" Dawson and Jen exchange amused looks.