Episode Report Card Jessica: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hotel New Hampshire
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.27.2001
Dawson and Jen stroll down the hall of the Hotel New Hampshire to their room. Unlike the Hotel New Hampshire in the John Irving book of the same name, this place doesn't seem to feature a lesbian in a bear suit, a gaggle of whores, or any bomb-wielding fascists. It's a shame, really. Anyway, Jen's all telling Dawson that she doesn't want to leave, even though the Film Festival seems bit wack. "What better way to spend an evening than as the girlfriend of the biggest celebrity in town?" she cracks, as Dawson swings open their bedroom door. It's the honeymoon suite, all heart-shaped pillows and fruit baskets. Dawson bursts out laughing. "Gee, honey, you shouldn't have," Jen says.
Frat Party of the Corn. Eric's rico suave frat brothers loudly congratulate him on landing such a honey of an escort. "Way to deliver, man! You scored, Big Daddy! Scored!" Such are the words from the men of Sigma Ew. Poetry, no? Joey gives Jack a quizzical look. "They're just being idiots," Jack tells her. Joey accepts this and looks around and tells Jack that it's really a shame that Jen isn't there to enjoy the party. "Maybe I should call her," Joey says. "No can do," Jack responds distractedly, "she's gone for the weekend with Dawson." Joey looks slightly taken aback, but covers her surprise with a big fake smile.
House Of Lobster: Complete With No Chemistry Whatsoever! Pacey and She Who Shall Not Be Recapped finish up their sumptuous shellfish extravaganza. "Was this good, or was this good?" Pacey asks The Person Across the Table. This Person agrees that the meal was pretty decent. Pacey congratulates himself on keeping them in "a crowded place," because he "wouldn't want [SWSNBR] to be tempted to jump [him] on [their] non-date evening." You Know Who forces a smile. "Well, you are wearing that really sexy outfit," she says, nodding at Pacey's lobster bib. He looks down at his chest and mock-grimaces. "Damn!" he says, tearing off the bib. At long last, and as her expensive dinner begins to digest in her belly, SWSNBR tells Pacey that she's having a good time. "I know you don't like hearing this, [name removed due to the embargo], but you deserve better than [Chef Danny]," Pacey says. Albeit with fewer brackets. Pacey muses that This Person "deserves someone who's going to be there, loving [her] back just as hard." SWSNBR looks thoughtful.
Jen and Dawson wander out of the Hooksett movie theatre. The marquee reads Smoke Crack and Worship Satan, which is possibly the funniest thing I've ever seen on this show. It may be the only funny thing I've ever seen on this show. "Okay, that was good," Jen says. Dawson replies, something about wondering how he managed to beat that SCaWS, but I don't hear him because I'm distracted by Jen's outfit. There's a hat…and a scarf worn as a man's tie…and black-lined lower lids. Michelle Williams is pretty, but…don't. Just don't. She looks like the love child of Diane Keaton and the girls from Heart. Anyway, Dawson's still wondering how the Flash managed to win him this prize (from beyond the grave, no less!), but Jen interrupts, telling him that it "has to stop." He cocks a massive, caterpillar-like brow. "You have a tremendous talent, so would you please stop putting yourself down?" Jen asks. Dawson looks askance at her. "Or I'll have to break up with you," she threatens. Dawson smiles. "You can't break up with me!" he tells her. "You'll never break up with me. The physical attraction is too strong." Oh, ew. I mean, they're fine together; Dawson is almost likeable with Jen, and Jen…well, Michelle Williams is a good actress. For example: "You got me there, tiger," Jen says, wiggling her hips in his direction. Believably! Well, more or less. I managed not to vomit. And I have a bucket next to the sofa just in case and everything. Pander strolls up, interrupting this love-fest, and shakes Dawson's hand. "Hey, Leery," he drawls, "your movie better be good." He's won three years in a row, he says, and he won't be "usurped by a Hollywood slickster. It's just not cool." Dawson looks befuddled, as Pander turns to Jen. "Hi," he breathes. "You're really pretty." Then he runs off. I can't decide if Pander is charmingly bizarre, or irritatingly retarded. Jen and Dawson stare at each other. "Who's going to argue?" Jen asks, shrugging her shoulders.