Episode Report Card Jessica: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hotel New Hampshire
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.27.2001
The Frat House. Audrey and Eric sit outside. She looks bored. He's talking about bench-pressing. "So, what gym do you go to?" Eric asks. Audrey just rolls her eyes. Eric tries to put his arm around her. "What are you doing?" she asks him. He removes the appendage and goes to get them some more drinks. Audrey looks peeved.
Jack's knocking down drinks at the bar. Enter Eric. "Hey, McPhee! I'm beginning to think you lied to me, man," he complains. Apparently, Eric feels that Audrey is "all tease and no please." That is so romantic. Where are my tissues? Jack promises Eric that Audrey will "come around." Eric protests that's he's tried all his "best lines and moves" and gotten nothing. Nothing! "What if she turns out to be prude[sic]?" Eric whines. Okay, since when is "prude" an adjective? "Prude" is a noun! What is wrong with the kids today? Jesus! "The last thing Audrey is is prude [sic]," Jack promises. And guess who hears that last bit? Little Joey Potter. Her face turns all stony and disappointed. The boys laugh together. "Audrey's easy all right," Jack continues. "She's just looking for a good time." Joey's face is getting more and more stony and more and more disappointed. Jack tells Eric to "play [his] cards right," and Audrey will be all his. After receiving this moving bit of romantic advice, Eric runs off and Jack turns around to see Joey glaring at him. She fixes him with one last glare and stalks off.
The Apartment Of She Who Shall Not Be Recapped. Apres sex. SWSNBR smokes on the sofa. Pacey wanders out of the other room. Sorry, Pacey fans: he's not naked. This isn't Buffy. They stare at each other. Pacey says that he knows this is "complicated" and that he "hasn't helped," but "there's no reason [they] can't work this out." SWSNBR flatly informs him that they're not in a relationship. She's the crabbiest woman alive. "Why the hell did you start this in the first place?" You Know Who spits. And you wonder why I'm boycotting her? Okay, you probably don't wonder. Pacey sputters that You Know Who kissed him! "You're not worth what I'm risking," This Person spits. Dude, burn. "So, then, why did you do it?" Pacey asks. She just watches as the light bulb goes on over his head. "Did you sleep with me to get back at [Chef Danny]?" Pacey asks. SWSNBR mutters that it's not that simple. Pacey tells her that it is, in fact, that simple. And he leaves.
Film Festival Of Pain. Pander scrambles over to Dawson, telling him that he "used to think [he] was the only geek in America who knew who A.I. Brooks was." Then he calls the movie "fantastic" and tells Dawson that he was "blown away." Dawson thanks him. "You're not half the goon I thought you were," Pander says. "Do you hear that, America?" he asks, turning to the camera. "Dawson isn't half the goon you think he is! He's a stud! Wait! Wait and see!" They talk a bit about USC, Dawson telling Pander that he dropped out. Oh-so-conveniently, it turns out that Pander attends a "very weird visual arts place full of freaks and misfits in Boston." He thinks it might suit Dawson, he says, handing Dawson his card. College students have cards? I don't even have any cards. "Check it out," Pander says. Dawson says he will, as they both look up to see Jen coming toward them. "Here comes your girl," Pander says. Dawson starts to correct him, but his voice trails off as Jen crosses the dance floor, her hair blowing in the wind, "Foxy Lady" playing on the soundtrack. Sort of. Jen smiles at the film geeks, as both of their jaws basically drop to the floor. "You're still really pretty," Pander tells her. "Thank you," Jen says. Pander thinks they make a great couple. An anvil pins my left foot to the floor. "Do you hear that, baby?" Jen coos, after Pander leaves them. "You're lucky to have me." Dawson grins. "That's an understatement if I ever heard one," he tells her.
Frat Par-tay! Woo! Joey angrily demands to know how Jack thinks he can get away with talking about Audrey like that! Jack protests that Joey used to say the same things! "That was before I knew her! I wasn't selling her to the highest bidder!" Joey sputters. Jack dismisses his behavior as "stupid, mindless fun." Joey's eyes blaze fire. She can't believe he just said that! Wow, for a second, it's almost like she's not cold and dead inside after all. "Jack, what happened to you?" she asks, telling him that he's turned into a real jerk. The minute he got to Boston, she says, he dropped the Capesiders and "got new friends." Jack insists that he "feels at home" at Sigma Ew, that the boys are his brothers, blah blah blah brainwashing. ["So at home that he's bringing a girl to a formal dance when he's gay? Right. Nice try, Kerr -- I mean, 'Jack.'" -- Sars] Joey snipes that it must be "easier to be one of the meatheads." Meatheads all over the world write angry and offended letters to the WB. Jack tells Joey that she "doesn't know" his bros. "Well, I really don't want to run off and meet 'em all, now that I know they're wannabe pimps," Joey snaps. Is it wrong that I laughed at that line? Katie Holmes delivered it amusingly. Jack mutters about how judgmental Joey can be when something doesn't meet her "standard of righteousness." Joey's eyes bug out of her head. "'Standard of righteousness'?" she squawks. "Jack, try common decency and respect!" Jack rolls his eyes and tells her that no one is "forcing" anyone to be there. Joey sets her mouth and smirks at him. "That's true. No one's forcing me to be here," she says, and leaves. Maybe she's looking for a lunch tray to smack him with.