Episode Report Card Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Worm Turns
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.02.2001
T'Pol signals Quantum and tells him that there's a ship approaching their coordinates. "Its power signatures match the scans you took of those bio-pumps," she says, once more under the influence of The Hypnosis Of Non-Blinking Bad Acting. "It appears that whoever killed that crew has returned." Quantum tells Phlox it's go time. They pack up some cases, and Quantum fires his phase pistol at the triglobulin-sucking pumps and tells Hoshi and Trip they're to report to the shuttle schnell! schnell!. Sorry, didn't mean to channel Hoshi's translating brain waves. A kick-ass ship warps into view. It looks like a huge metallic tarantula or a crab with pincers, mandibles, everything.
Back aboard the Enterprise, Mayweather tells T'Pol that the tarantula ship is sixty thousand kilometers away. In other words, spitting distance. T'Pol intercoms Reed and tells him, "We have a potentially hostile vessel approaching. Are you prepared to defend the ship?" From the armory, Reed says it depends on how long it takes the ship to reach them. Mayweather tells him it's ten minutes away. "Then the answer is most likely no. The scanners are still out of alignment. Look, if you want me to hit a stationary dairy barn then I could accommodate you but not a moving vessel," Reed says. T'Pol tells him to do his best, but bring his British butt on deck in five minutes. From the shuttlecraft, Cpt. Quantum tells T'Pol to "deploy the docking arm." "Arm extended," T'Pol tells him. Quantum asks how far away the Tarantula is. "Eight thousand kilometers," she reports. "What kind of weapons?" Quantum asks. "Our sensors can't penetrate their shields," T'Pol tells him. Quantum asks if she's hailed them. Hail to the chief, 'cuz he's the one we hail to…she says she has, and there's been no answer. "Try again!" Quantum orders. The shuttlecraft -- which looks exactly like a little dinghy -- shudders as it raises itself to the docking arm. Mayweather reports that "the pod is on the arm." T'Pol twists out of the Porsche Captain's Chair and tells Quantum that the Tarantula is still not responding to their hails. The demon ship comes into view. "They're charging weapons," Reed reports, having taken his station on the bridge. A glo-green stream hits Enterprise. "They're targeting our engines," Reed reports. I just realized that they probably don't have a battle bridge distinct from their regular bridge. I wonder if that means that they won't have saucer-separating capabilities either. "We're almost in, stand by to jump to warp," Quantum reports from the pod, which is shaking from all the attacks. He speaks too soon, as a blast glances off the bridge and does serious damage to the warp nacelles. A few more, and finally, there's a hit that jogs the shuttlecraft from the docking arm. Hoshi rolls up her window in the shuttlecraft, and Phlox looks ill. Trip gets them on the docking arm again and it actually manages to dock this time. "Doors!" Quantum orders breathlessly. The hatch flips open, and the suspension staircase swings down to meet the away team. They scuttle out, and Cpt. Quantum intercoms with the bridge to ask why they haven't gone to warp. "Our port nacelle has been damaged," T'Pol reports calmly. Quantum orders T'Pol to instruct Reed to ready the torpedoes. Isn't the correct expression "man the torpedoes," or are we more P.C. about some things than others in the 22nd century?