Episode Report Card Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Worm Turns
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.02.2001
Cpt. Quantum slides down the handles of some suspension stairs and leaps into their midst. Must be the Underoos. Quantum asks how things are plugging along, and Reed gives him the dirt on their weaponry. "They're off by point-oh-two percent. It's unacceptable!" Cpt. Quantum suggests that their simulations are what's off and proposes a little target practice. Reed nearly swoons with excitement. "Come on, Travis," Cpt. Quantum says to Mayweather, "we've got to find Reed something to blow up." What the heck are they going to use -- a convenient asteroid belt that happens to be in the neighborhood? Oh. Guess so. Torpedoes zoom by large floating rocks, miss their targets, and blow up. Reed and Mayweather try to compensate, adjust, rotate, and so on, but it's clear nothing's working. There's a procedural shot of a torpedo actually being loaded into a berth and launched -- it's awesome. This one actually glances off a rock and stutters in its course, which causes it to swing around and head back in the opposite direction. The tension builds as the bridge crew watches the torpedo come right for them. "Mr. Reed!" Cpt. Quantum prompts warningly. Reed fiddles with something, and the torpedo finally self-destructs. Hoshi is visibly relieved. Reed tells the Captain that he might be able to compensate by modifying the infrared scanners; Cpt. Quantum asks how long that will take. "The better part of a day," Reed tells him. Now, just what is the "better part of a day" -- is it from morning to noon? Late afternoon onwards -- what? I want to know. Oh, right, the show. Cpt. Quantum gives instructions to continue on their course, and tells Reed as he objects that they can't "sit on [their] butt[s]" for another day while he futzes with things. He tells Reed to play around with his stuff and they'll run another test when they can.
Trip joins Phlox at dinner and asks after Sluggo, who's not faring much better. "Try the potatoes," Phlox says, holding one up between his thumb and forefinger, "they're delicious." Trip curls his lip and bites into the proffered vegetable like an apple. It crunches. "Resequenced protein," he comments. What does that mean? Do they have replicators for their food? If they do, we certainly haven't been introduced to them. "Yeees, the flavor's remarkable," Phlox grins, "on my homeworld, people would never think of speaking during the meal. Considered it a waste of time. It's taken me awhile, but I've grown quite attached to it." Trip chews some crabby apples and says that wasting time is all they've been doing lately. "Startin' to git a little antsy," he says. "'Antsy'?" Phlox questions. "Restless," Trip explains. "We've been on the move for two weeks and haven't seen a damn thing." This crew is the biggest bunch of complainers I have seen yet on a Star Trek. They should still be mopping up their tears of gratitude that any of them even got out of being docked in that hairclip. Phlox overflows with good nature as he says that every moment has been "an adventure" for him. "Humans are so unpredictable," he babbles. "Have you seen the quantities of food Crewman Namod consumes?" Apparently, Trip has missed this curiosity. "Have you smelled Ensign Socorro after she exercises?" Phlox asks, putting a wealth of meaning into that question. Trip doesn't know what to say. "She gives off a fragrance not unlike the adrenal gland of a Nausicaan! Hee!" There's a species we know doesn't get extinct before it has time to nearly kill young Jean-Luc Picard. Trip looks a bit put off by his food even though he can't possibly know what a Nausicaan adrenal gland smells like. Might carry the aroma of roast beef and Béarnaise sauce. "Crewman Bennet and Hayden over there," Phlox continues, gesturing at two bored-looking individuals, "do you see them? -- if I'm not mistaken are preparing to mate! Do you think they might let me watch?" Trip swallows a smile and tells Phlox he's glad he's entertaining himself. Phlox muses contentedly over an apple slice.