Episode Report Card Sobell: A | 1 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Where The Wild Things Are
By Sobell | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.17.2008
And now, someone who is also having a day, only in the exact opposite way T-Bag is. Sucre is very nearly buried when General Mestas realizes that Sucre would sooner die than give anything up. As Sucre's pulled out of the grave, his mobile phone (which Captain Mullet lifted off him) rings. Captain Mullet hands it over with, "If it's him, find out where they are. Sucre gives him a look that plainly says, Or what? You gonna almost-kill me some more?
Anyway, it turns out that indeed, it is Michael on the phone. He says, "Sucre, thank God! When you didn't show up with the boat, I thought --" We cut to Sucre, tears trickling down his face, as he says, "I'm sorry about that, papi. I got into a little bit of trouble here at work." Michael asks, "Are you all right?" Sucre looks defiantly at Captain Mullet and replies, "Yeah." Michael asks where they are, and Sucre deflects with, "You guys get L.J.? What about Linc? Is he okay?" They sure did, and Linc is about as fine as anyone can be after watching their non-girlfriend get plugged. Michael is no dummy: he asks again softly, "Are you sure you're all right?" Sucre looks at peace. He says, "I'm fine. It all worked out. I'm about to catch a bus, papi. Take care." Then he drops the phone and grinds it with his heel. While this is a badass move and totally proves that Sucre + Michael = Cellmates 4EVA, I have to admit, I think the show backed off the obvious kickass plot ending for this. They should have buried Sucre alive, and moments after he died, have the phone ring so Captain Mullet can realize the futility of rushing to torture people. Then Sucre would have had his hero's death. Also, this way, the poor guy has just been handed a sentence to Sona.
T-Bag drags a soapbox into the center of the courtyard and stands on it. He hollers, "Lechero is dead! Lechero is dead! I come before you now to bury the man, not to praise him. There was nothing praiseworthy about his rule here. Having one of our own dictate to us? That's just not the natural order." Please don't tell me T-Bag has become an adherent of Hobbesian natural law at this late point in the episode. He continues, "All cons are equal!" The cons cheer enthusiastically. T-Bag raises the roll of bills Sister Magdalene gave him and claims, "I have the last remnants of Lechero's cruel empire in my hand." And now I am convinced that the events of the last week have killed off Sona's best and most brutal because nobody thinks to pick up a two-by-four, brain T-Bag, and claim the spoils for himself. Bellick watches T-Bag continue with an I don't BELIEVE this expression as T-Bag says, "An empire which I willingly participated in, and witnessed firsthand, money made off your back and off the backs of your families. It's yours! I'm here to tell you, I'm giving it back." T-Bag makes it rain and begins shouting, "We are all equal! We are all equal! Todos son equales!" Two legs good! Four legs bad! This keeps up, I'll have to change T-Bag's name to T-Ball. Poor Sucre, who has just been deposited in this mess, has a look like, "I travel half a hemisphere away for the same crap I saw in Fox River?"