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This episode is Exhibit A in why some shows should keep it short and sweet. Seriously -- the pacing is snappy, there are no obvious filler plots or padding in this season's series of episodes, and the finale is gratifying, as opposed to an irritation-generating "I kept track of plotlines and details for twenty-one episodes for this?" Thirteen is the new season order!
And now, on to the episode that inspired the above epiphany.
Whistler, you rat! He's no more a humble fisherman than Susan B. is a sweet, well-adjusted girl. He's an active agent in the One World Conspiracy. We find this out pretty early on, when Michael and Linc catch Whistler within the first three minutes of the episode. Michael seems to take this all in stride, and his big, scheming brain manages to facilitate a swap -- Whistler for L.J. -- in such a way as to make sure that L.J., Linc, and Michael are okay.
Unfortunately, Susan B. gets cranky outside the museum where the hostage-swap has taken place, and in the ensuing gunplay, Sofia suffers a gory but nonfatal wound. Susan B. hustles Whistler away, and guess who stays with Sofia? Not Linc -- he's currently wanted on account of having stolen that bus he ran into the tree. But L.J. does. It's very sweet. Come to think of it, he's one of the best things about this episode, from his ribbing of Susan B. to his handing "Uncle Mike" the rose that Dr. Sara kept with her.
After Susan B. and Whistler make their escape, they hook up with Mahone in a bar, and we learn that Mahone and Whistler struck a deal earlier, one One World Conspiracy stooge to another. Mahone's now devoted to the One World Conspiracy (oh, Lang will be so disappointed). However, he warns Whistler that Susan B.'s the weak link, because she'll ultimately be what brings Michael down on their heads.
Inside Sona, poor Sucre has a terrible episode; first, he's tortured by the guards and then he's thrown in with the rest of the inmates. We also see T-Bag kill Lechero, steal his money, and make some time with Sister Magdalene, who digs him, plastic hand and all. When T-Bag spreads around Lechero's money, it's pretty apparent he's decided to make the best of a bad situation.
We also get one of the most enjoyable closing sequences for a season I've seen in a while: as a Spanish-language cover of Rob Orbison's "Cryin'" plays on, we see what all the characters are up to: Splenda is celebrating with his family at a "Congratulations on breaking out of Sona!" party; Sucre is resolving himself to a long stay in Sona; Bellick is resigning himself to staying in Sona (at least he has pants, compared to last year's finale); T-Bag is establishing himself as People's Choice for Sona ruler; Whistler and Mahone are uneasily contemplating what life will be like with Michael on their tails as Susan B. drives them to an unknown destination; Linc, L.J. and Sofia are all gathered in her hospital room. And then there's Michael, who's driving in a car with two things on the passenger seat beside him: the origami rose he once made Dr. Sara, and a loaded gun.
Oooh, here's hoping Fox can give us another great, tight, 13-episode season in the fall. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
We begin this episode right where the last one ended: Whistler has driven off and the two brothers are all, "Well, fuuuuuu...dge." (What? This show's on FOX. Ain't no F-bombs on network prime time.) They quickly hop in the car and pursue Whistler, and we get yet another car chase scene. Whistler is quite good at evasive driving...when on earth would a humble fisherman have the time to develop those types of skills?
Whistler eventually ditches the truck and begins running on foot through the streets. The brothers follow suit and the car chase gives way to a footrace. Michael is Whistler's primary pursuer, and Whistler manages to duck down an alley that lets out into another street before Michael can catch up. By the time Michael's on the other side of the alley, there's no sign of Whistler. He heads in one direction, and we see Whistler poke his head around the corner and then amble in the other. He manages to charm a lady into letting him borrow her mobile phone, and then he calls Susan B. Whistler says, "I lost them. You need to come and pick me up." Whistler, you rat fink! You were working in cahoots with Susan B. the whole time! You lying liar who lies! Susan B. asks, "Where are you?" Whistler turns around to look, and thanks to Lincoln's surprise appearance, it would appear that Whistler's answer is going to have to be "Supine on the sidewalk." Linc picks up the phone, trains a gun on Whistler and tells Susan B. chirpily, "Let me guess." Susan B. looks shocked but recovers with, "If anything happens to him." Lincoln replies, "That depends, doesn't it? [Kicks Whistler brutally]." Michael rounds the corner just in time to catch this. His expression -- Of course Linc has pinned Whistler under his work boot. Why wouldn't he? -- suggests volumes about their childhood. Susan B. bitches that she's at the warehouse and Lincoln is like, "Hey, if Whistler hadn't decided to take a flier..." Susan B. tells him, "Why don't you get back here? I have L.J. and Sofia and I'm ready to do the exchange." Linc tells her, "I'll call you back" and hangs up right as she snaps, "What?!"
We cut to Whistler retching on the ground and Linc shares that "the plan's shot -- she's already there." "So now what?" Michael wonders. Whistler pipes up, "I can fix this. That's what I was trying to do." Michael points out, "You were calling them to pick you up." Whistler nobly protests that it's so nobody else gets hurt: "You really think I would put anyone's life at risk?" "You already have," Michael points out.
And then we cut to a subplot so extraneous, it deserves to be summed up in one paragraph. It involves Splenda. He and his papa are merrily tootling along toward Colombia, when a mere 200 km from the border, in the lovely mountainous Irgandi, Panama, the truck is stopped by a police barricade. Splenda panics, but his father comes through: not only does Papa have a secret smuggling compartment in his truck that the seasoned South American law professionals totally overlook, he's also got a fat load of manure to confuse any police dogs. And thus the father and son get over the border and safe into Colombia, where Splenda is greeted by a huge family blowout. So chalk up the happy ending -- Huzzah! Our boy's broken out of prison! All he has to do is avoid Panama for the rest of his life! -- and let's move on.
Or let's not, because then we move on to poor Sucre, who was tied to a chair and beaten so badly that the chair tipped over. His vision went blurry and approximately an eighth of his total blood supply is flowing from assorted holes in his head. Captain Mullet walks over, lifts up Sucre's head -- the better for him to drown in his own blood, one presumes -- and asks, "You want some more? Or do you want to tell us where Michael Scofield is?" Sucre doesn't know where Michael is. General Mestas looks like he believes this, but alas, Captain Mullet needs to strut and preen about how he just knew Sucre wasn't a humble laborer content to dig graves for dead convicts all day. Sucre cracks, "I don't get to be employee of the month?" No. He gets to be torture victim of the afternoon.
Susan B. is waiting at the warehouse with a few of her loyal goons when her phone rings. She picks it up with "I'm waiting." Michael's on the other end, telling her there's been a change in plans. Susan B. grins and says, "Oh! Well, well, well...I finally get to talk to the brains of the outfit." Michael tells her they're at the Plaza de Francia. Susan B. says, "So you're thinking, 'public place, safety in numbers, plenty of witnesses to protect you.' I'm thinking, 'public place, wanted men, lots of witnesses to identify you.'" Michael repeats the location; he expects Susan B. there in ten minutes -- alone. Susan B. hangs up and decides to ignore the "alone" part, ordering the goons to round everyone up.
We go to the credits -- adios chicken foot! I'll miss you! -- and then back to Sona. T-Bag's being escorted back into the prison right as the inmates are running riot. Some are raiding the makeshift store in the corner of the yard, others are tossing boxes of paper hither and yon. This raises the question: Exactly what was being filed in Sona? This is supposed to be a wretched repository of the worst Panamanian criminals, a cesspool of squalor and bare-bones conditions. So who was living out their Container Store fantasies of a comprehensive filing system? And what was going in the files? Incident reports for the chicken-foot fights? Anyway, as T-Bag walks in, he sees people kicking the bejeesus out of the still-bleeding Lechero. Bellick comes over, grabs T-Bag and pulls him to one side, warning, "It's anarchy in here! We've gotta hide!" T-Bag's staring at Lechero in horror, saying, "I-I've gotta help him." Bellick wants nothing of that: "He gave me three-degree burns down my back! He can go to hell!" T-Bag pulls himself out of Bellick's grasp and says, "I owe him this much. If you don't want to help, then don't." We then see the same man who was beaten silly a few minutes ago -- remember, how in last episode, he was pounded more thoroughly than a cutlet before breading? -- stride over to the gang of people whaling on Lechero and start kicking their asses, literally. We then do a quick cut to T-Bag carrying Lechero up to his suite while Bellick trails like a sullen dog. The whole place has been trashed -- including more of the files, by the way -- and Lechero is so exercised by this, he manages to get the false panel off in an electrical box and retrieve the gun he'd secreted behind it. For someone who took multiple gunshots to the gut, he's got remarkable stamina. However, the gun does deter the people who were going to steal his rum. After Lechero scares them off, T-Bag and Bellick get him into an easy chair so he can bleed in peace. Bellick frets, "He's going to get us killed!" but T-Bag corrects him: "He's going to get us out of here."
Then we're back outside in Panama City. The whole point to this scene is to show us that Mahone's managed to make his way to a bar. Also, that he has some hideous creature attached to his head and -- oh, wait. It's a hat. I hate it. Anyway, Mahone orders a club soda. The bar tender tries to make conversation: "What did you do back in the States?" Mahone replies, "I'm in sort of a transitional period right now. In between jobs." The bartender offers his condolences with, "I'm sure something will come up before long" and Mahone replies, "I'm hoping it's right around the corner." The camera zooms back and we see him looking at the bank across the street.
And now, time for Captain Mullet and his goon squad to take Sucre for some fresh-air torture. No, it's not where Terry Gross asks the questions: "Your post-prison work contains some amazing runs of bad luck. What do you think causes that?" Instead, Captain Mullet has begin digging his own grave. If Sucre wants to stop, all he has to do is drop the dime on how to reach Michael. But our boy elects to begin digging.
We cut to the Plaza de Francia, a lovely open-air market area with some tables for café patrons. Susan B. strides across the plaza and sits down at Michael's table. He gives her a ghost of a smile and says, "Hello, Gretchen." (Remember, that's her real name.) She would like to know where Whistler is. Michael's still smirking as he inclines his head. We see Whistler sitting at a table with Linc; neither of the men looks happy about that. Susan B. says, "You know, you're the first to ever break out of Sona." Breaking out of prison is old hat to Michael by this point; he wants to see Sofia and L.J. Susan B. tells one of her goons to bring them out. Then she tells him, "I've worked with a lot of intelligent people in this business, Michael, but you...maybe you wouldn't have to worry about the [One World Conspiracy] trying to kill you if you were on their side. They certainly pay well." Michael's still smirking, but he looks away from Susan B. to see L.J. and Sofia being led into the plaza. He stands up. So does Susan B., who says, "There they are. Give me Whistler and I will give you L.J." Whistler goes to get up and Linc cocks a gun under the table, coolly telling him, "You move, you're dead." We zoom up to the snipers Susan B. has perched on the roof overlooking the plaza, and we see they're focused on Linc's big bald noggin. Michael cocks his head at Linc and the other man gets up and begins walking Whistler out of the plaza -- and out of the sniper's sights.
Susan B. looks startled, then asks what Linc's doing. Michael tells her, "This is not the point of the exchange. This is just a confirmation that everyone's still alive." Susan B. says angrily, "They're alive! Let's trade!" Michael tells her, "You'll get a call telling you where to go in the five minutes. And when the exchange is over, and L.J. is safe, you and I are going to spend some quality time." Susan B. is not exactly soiling her knickers in fear. She cuddles up to him and grins, "When the exchange is over, you better run for your life." Then we get a weird camera angle so it looks like Michael's about to plant one on Susan B. and I'm all, "That is weird even by the standards of love-hate relationships!" Then Michael takes off.
Inside Sona, Bellick is nervously watching the prisoners milling about while Lechero continues dying. At this point, he's giving Count Laszo de Almasy a run for his money in the "Would you just DIE already?" sweepstakes. Bellick says, "There's a storm brewing in the yard." Lechero gasps, "Tell them to come in. I'm not scared." "Well, I am!" Bellick immediately replies. I like how he owns his cowardice. T-Bag, who is trying to clean Lechero's wound with peroxide, nervously gestures to the gun and says, "You might want to put that down." Lechero gives him a look that plainly says, You've got to be kidding me. And then we all learn a fun new science fact: peroxide a gunshot wound and the patient may feel a mild burning sensation. Lechero comments that T-Bag is the last person he'd expect to see at his side, and T-Bag dons a wounded affect as he says, "I take offense, patron." Lechero continues, "I've had many foot-washers. Many men have come in sheep's clothing, only to let the wolf come out." T-Bag says pissily, "I am not trying to hurt you. I am trying to save you." Lechero's not buying it and neither am I. T-Bag then spins a tale of how the guards are now open to blackmail. "Little Suzy Sona ain't playing so hard to get no more. She has her price," T-Bag says. What a telling choice for a hard-to-get woman's name. Or am I the only one who remembers T-Bag's southern gothic drama last year? Anyway, Lechero is resistant to forking out $50,000 for his presumed freedom.
Meanwhile, on the outside...Susan B. has just gotten her second call from Michael. He greets her with, "The lobby of the Museum of Antiquities." Susan B. snaps, "Why?" and Michael says patronizingly, "Because that's where Whistler is." Susan B. tries to get into his head with, "You're overthinking things. I've seen it too many times before. First plan goes to hell, then you start tap-dancing, and trust me, it always ends badly." Joke's on Susan B. -- she can't get into his head because it's too crammed full of scheme-y brains. Michael tells her she's got five minutes, hangs up the phone, and neatly palms a few arrowhead-shaped items labeled as "flechas."
Susan B., her hostages and her phalanx of goons all approach the museum, and she's brought up short when she sees the security gate all would-be museum goers must pass through. Susan B. snarls, "Unbelievable," then hands over her gun to one of the goons, telling him, "You know what to do." L.J. is openly grinning. Susan B. smiles back maliciously and asks, "What's so funny?" He replies, "You, thinking you can outsmart my uncle. Ha!" Susan B. has no good reply for that, so she orders them to walk. L.J. is beaming like it's Christmas.
Inside the museum, Susan B.'s phone rings again, and she says, "Metal detectors? And here I thought we were building a circle of trust." Michael directs them all to the southwest corner of the first floor. Susan B. warns, "If I don't come out with Whistler, I'm going to snap L.J.'s neck." Michael hangs up the phone and says, "Here we go." Whistler sort of rolls his eyes. Whistler should know better at this point -- Michael is the same guy who ruined his helicopter escape, eventually got his lying ass out of Sona, and has managed to keep him hostage in this very public place. We see that Susan B.'s got the armed goons covering the side exits...
And then we transition back to Sona, where T-Bag is handing the last bottle of rum over to Lechero. What, he thinks getting the dying man drunk is what'll loosen up the money pipe? No, wait -- Lechero has changed his mind. Now who, oh, who could he trust to bring the cash? T-Bag has an idea who, but we don't get to find out the trustworthy's identity.
Back in the museum, Sofia decides now is the time to make some small talk, asking Susan B., "How do you know James?" Susan B. replies, "You're working my last nerve. Move your ass." Sofia does, and thing you know, everyone's in the southwest corner. They're separated by about ten feet -- Linc across from L.J., Michael across from Susan B., Whistler across from Sofia (he about swoons when he sees her. This is really dreamy, until I remember that he's a lying liar who lies. And not even all unrepentantly like Kellerman! No, he's apologizing all the time. Whistler, I hate that! But I like you without a shirt on. So if you have to lie in season four, you know what you gotta do, sugarpecs). Michael says, "As soon as we get L.J., you get Whistler. But L.J. comes to us first." After a tense moment, Susan B. smiles crookedly, then turns to L.J. and says with odd gentleness, "Go ahead." You don't have to tell L.J. twice. He and his dad hug, and as Linc looks across to Susan B., we all see that she's looking surprisingly emotional. I have to say, I applaud whoever decided that the way to play Susan B. was as an unpredictably emotional hardass. It makes her interesting. So Whistler walks over to hug Sofia, and he's looking considerably happier to see her than she is to see him. Linc passes L.J. off to Michael for a hug, and Susan B. turns around so she doesn't have to witness all of this. As Whistler unwraps himself from Sofia, she asks, "What about the coordinates?"
This brings Susan B. up short. Sofia reminds everyone, "You said the first thing you would do once you had Whistler was get the rest of the coordinates." Whistler looks a little abashed, and Susan B. is back to being all business, asking contemptuously, "Is she serious?" Well -- now they've all got Michael's attention. Whistler tries to smooth it all over with "I'll give her exactly what she wants when we get out of here. Darling, it's not safe. Let's go," but Sofia snaps, "I want to see them!" She and Susan B. then engage in a stare-off. Whistler foolishly tries again, but Linc's had enough. He makes as if to go, and Michael's all, "No, I think we need to see this." Sofia reminds Whistler of how he gave Susan B. half the coordinates at Sona, and was supposed to give the rest to Susan B. now. Whistler doesn't say, "They're in the book I left in Sona." Instead, he replies, "I know what I said. We'll discuss it later. Come on." Susan B. has had enough. She snaps, "Welcome to the real world. [turns to Whistler] I'm sick of jumping through hoops to keep your princess in a bubble. It is time to go." Whistler snaps, "This is between us!" Sofia interjects, "Where are the coordinates?" Susan B. hollers, "There are no coordinates!" We then cut to Michael all, Huh. I don't think I saw that -- no, wait, it was part of contingency plan G! Big brain, activate search engine so we can switch into THAT plan! Whistler's got a look that plainly broadcasts, Oh, CRAP while Susan B. is looking seriously annoyed and Sofia's wearing an expression that suggests she has finally admitted that her boyfriend is a lying liar who lies. Whistler tries to play submissive, but Sofia -- so pissed and heartbroken that she's lost the power of speech, just points a finger at him all I don't want to hear it and heads back to stand with the boys. Whistler is about to plead his case with Sofia, but Susan B. tells him it's time to go. She then turns to Michael: "And what the hell are you still doing here?"
Michael replies, "If I were you and I couldn't bring weapons inside, I'd have agents ready to shoot at every door outside." Susan B. says coquettishly, "Then it really doesn't matter what exit you take, does it? [points to the front] I'm going to go out that door. [points to an emergency exit] Maybe you should take that door." Michael says with some relish, "Actually, that door is locked in the event of an emergency." Susan B. rolls her eyes and asks where the emergency is. Well -- here it is! Michael has just rammed his elbow through a display case and set off all the alarms. Whistler appears shocked by this; Susan B. is nakedly appraising Michael. I'm thinking someone's getting a crush. Michael tells her, "We're all walking out of here together." Oh, how awkward for Whistler and Sofia. Nobody wants to be in a hostage party with their ex!
As everyone walks toward the exit, Susan B. tries again to get inside Michael's head: "That's very dramatic, calling the cops on yourself. You must really want to go back to Sona." Michael points out that everyone here will be looking for a thief, not an escaped con. We cut to Whistler trying desperately to talk his way back into Sofia's good graces. She's not having it. And why should she? Her rebound fling is walking right behind her with his son.
We then switch to poor Sucre, who has created quite a deep grave. The hateful Captain Mullet tells him to lay down. Sucre asks in a cracked voice, "All this because I knew Michael Scofield?" Well, yes. Sucre is asked to either give up Michael's location or recline. Sucre hollers, "I don't know!" Captain Mullet trains a gun on Sucre, so he lays down, and crosses himself. The other guards begin covering him with dirt. Sucre softly prays at they throw shovelfuls of dirt.
Inside the prison, T-Bag takes a phone call and tells Lechero the cash will be there shortly. Except -- a ha ha -- here comes T-Bag's wolf in sheep's clothing. There is no plan to bribe the guard, and there is no gun near Lechero anymore. T-Bag's taken care of that. He tells Lechero, "This is business. You of all people should understand." Lechero does. T-Bag turns to Bellick and says, "Help me hold him down." Bellick, predictably, panics. Lechero lets everyone off the hook. After groaning, "It was just a matter of time anyway," he takes a belt of rum then tells T-Bag, "One thief to another, out of respect...make it quick." Lechero hands T-Bag a pillow. T-Bag takes it and says, "If you don't fight me, I will [make it quick]." Bellick's eyes are as big and round as silver dollars. T-Bag takes a belt of rum to fortify himself, then smothers Lechero with the pillow. It is short, but loud, and Bellick is completely freaked out by it. In T-Bag's words, "Adios, Norman."
We head back to the museum, where the guards frisking everyone on the way out have just found the flechas Michael must have dropped into Whistler's pockets. This attracts the attention of the guards, but Michael's planned-for delay evaporates when Susan B. reaches over, snaps one in half and points out that the flechas are not so much priceless as they are plastic. But then there's another delay: the guards would like to see Whistler's identification. Susan B. discreetly gestures some of her goons over, and as one goes to shoot, another guard takes him down. Everyone hits the ground the minute they hear gunfire. Some voluntarily, some -- like Sofia, who has been shot -- not so voluntarily. Although Linc, Michael, and L.J. had managed to stroll free of Susan B. and Whistler, Linc completely blows the lead by bellowing Sofia's name and heading back toward the stairs. A couple of One World Conspiracy goons bodily pick up Whistler and cart him off toward a waiting van while Linc and L.J. rush to Sofia's side. L.J. demonstrates YET AGAIN that his brains clearly skipped the generation before by pointing out that as a wanted man, Linc needs to go. L.J. will stay with Sofia.
Meanwhile, during all of this, Michael has quietly headed back to the car and retrieved Linc's piece from the glove compartment. We then switch to Susan B. telling Whistler that he really has no choice -- he has to go. Whistler replies by grabbing Susan B.'s throat and growling, "I ought to kill you right now for what you've done to her." He's peeled off, and Susan B. shouts, "I did what I had to do to get you out, period! [Much more quietly] You know what's at stake, James." As the goons bundle Whistler into the van, Susan B. turns away and Michael gets a clear shot of her from behind. And although he's got the gun aimed at her, his hand is shaking too much. He can't do it.
And then there's another reason Michael can't do it: because the guards have started paying attention to what's going on around them, and one is busy firing at the van where Susan B. and her goons are. The van drives off anyway, and inside, Whistler is ordering them to stop, because he can't leave Sofia. Susan B. turns around and says, "She already left you." Whistler looks like she just punched him in the stomach.
Speaking of people with painful torso injuries, it's Sofia, down on the ground. L.J. finally gets Linc to see reason. Linc takes off; L.J. will stay with Sofia.
We cut back to the van, where Susan B. has just asked Whistler, "Do you have everything?" "The book is gone," he replies. Susan B. turns around, and opens her mouth, and for one wild moment, I think she's going to say, "Mister, don't make me turn this van around. You don't want to go back to Sona, do you?"
Speaking of going back to Sona, here's T-Bag! He's at the visitor's pen, gazing moonily at Sister Magdalene. (Confession: I had to go back to old recaps to see what nickname I had given her. The first time I typed this, I called her "Sister Mary Hooker.") Anyway, Sister Magdalene wants to know if Lechero truly is dead, and T-Bag confirms this, though without adding, "I should know! I killed him myself." Sister Magdalene opens her satchel demurely and asks, "How do you want me to give you this? The guards, they won't let me in anymore." T-Bag says he only needs one tiny roll. "Hold on to the rest for a few days. If you were to consider leaving with all that...well, I just want you to know I'd be very cross with you. I've been known to have a bit of a temper problem when betrayed." Sister Magdalene replies, "A deal's a deal. You've done so much for me. You have my word." She hands over a roll of cash and T-Bag secretes it on his person. T-Bag turns to go, and Sister Magdalene tells him to wait. She puts her hand up to the fence, and T-Bag goes to meet it, but alas, it's his purloined prosthetic. He goes to put up his other hand, but Sister Magdalene tells him it's okay, and she caresses his fake hand. "I'll wait for you," she says. Oh, T-Bag's in love. What a day he's having! First he's beaten until nearly dead, then he kills Lechero, but he ends up with the money and the girl.
And now, someone who is also having a day, only in the exact opposite way T-Bag is. Sucre is very nearly buried when General Mestas realizes that Sucre would sooner die than give anything up. As Sucre's pulled out of the grave, his mobile phone (which Captain Mullet lifted off him) rings. Captain Mullet hands it over with, "If it's him, find out where they are. Sucre gives him a look that plainly says, Or what? You gonna almost-kill me some more?
Anyway, it turns out that indeed, it is Michael on the phone. He says, "Sucre, thank God! When you didn't show up with the boat, I thought --" We cut to Sucre, tears trickling down his face, as he says, "I'm sorry about that, papi. I got into a little bit of trouble here at work." Michael asks, "Are you all right?" Sucre looks defiantly at Captain Mullet and replies, "Yeah." Michael asks where they are, and Sucre deflects with, "You guys get L.J.? What about Linc? Is he okay?" They sure did, and Linc is about as fine as anyone can be after watching their non-girlfriend get plugged. Michael is no dummy: he asks again softly, "Are you sure you're all right?" Sucre looks at peace. He says, "I'm fine. It all worked out. I'm about to catch a bus, papi. Take care." Then he drops the phone and grinds it with his heel. While this is a badass move and totally proves that Sucre + Michael = Cellmates 4EVA, I have to admit, I think the show backed off the obvious kickass plot ending for this. They should have buried Sucre alive, and moments after he died, have the phone ring so Captain Mullet can realize the futility of rushing to torture people. Then Sucre would have had his hero's death. Also, this way, the poor guy has just been handed a sentence to Sona.
T-Bag drags a soapbox into the center of the courtyard and stands on it. He hollers, "Lechero is dead! Lechero is dead! I come before you now to bury the man, not to praise him. There was nothing praiseworthy about his rule here. Having one of our own dictate to us? That's just not the natural order." Please don't tell me T-Bag has become an adherent of Hobbesian natural law at this late point in the episode. He continues, "All cons are equal!" The cons cheer enthusiastically. T-Bag raises the roll of bills Sister Magdalene gave him and claims, "I have the last remnants of Lechero's cruel empire in my hand." And now I am convinced that the events of the last week have killed off Sona's best and most brutal because nobody thinks to pick up a two-by-four, brain T-Bag, and claim the spoils for himself. Bellick watches T-Bag continue with an I don't BELIEVE this expression as T-Bag says, "An empire which I willingly participated in, and witnessed firsthand, money made off your back and off the backs of your families. It's yours! I'm here to tell you, I'm giving it back." T-Bag makes it rain and begins shouting, "We are all equal! We are all equal! Todos son equales!" Two legs good! Four legs bad! This keeps up, I'll have to change T-Bag's name to T-Ball. Poor Sucre, who has just been deposited in this mess, has a look like, "I travel half a hemisphere away for the same crap I saw in Fox River?"
Meanwhile, on the outside...we cut to Sofia, looking dazed. You can't really blame her: anyone who wakes up to Susan B. and her roll of duct tape, then breaks up with her boyfriend, then gets shot immediately after has a lot to process. L.J. comes in and checks on Sofia. Aw, bless his heart. Sofia draws him down and whispers something, and the shot is of L.J. meeting his fugitive uncle and wanted dad...right outside the hospital. L.J. updates them on Sofia's condition ("radiant, like sick people so often are on TV") and then turns to Michael, saying, "Uncle Mike, I wanted to wait until we were safe to do this, but I found this in the room where Sara and I were held. I thought you might want it." L.J. hands over the origami rose that Michael folded and left for Dr. Sara on her birthday. The music swells dramatically, Michael gets all verklempt, and we flashed back to the scene where Dr. Sara discovered the rose. Wow, seeing Sarah Wayne Callies again on screen -- however briefly -- really makes me miss her character. Back in the present, L.J. apologizes to Michael, and it takes Michael a minute to pull it together before he can thank L.J. in a whisper, clap the poor kid on the shoulder, and go lean against a wall so he can brood in really flattering light. This lets L.J. and Linc discuss Sofia's general health and chat about how Sofia just told L.J. of the mysterious case in her apartment. Michael rejoins the conversation right then, and Linc tries to head him off with, "This is over. It's done." Michael gets all pissy as he repeats, "I said, 'What is it?'"
We see Mahone looking at the Banco Sol across the street from the bar, and for one giddy moment I think he's going to pull a Scofield circa season one, episode one. Instead, someone enters the bar from the back and walks up behind him. Mahone says, "You're late," and we see that he's been watching a clock on the bank; it's 4:35, so presumably he was supposed to meet with whomever at 4:30. Mahone tells the mystery guest that "you owe him for my drinks." We see a masculine hand peeling off a $100 bill and ordering the bartender in a low voice to "give us a minute." And I get giddy again because that sounded so much like Kellerman, I am now fantasizing that he somehow survived last season, joined some anti-One World Conspiracy, found Mahone and is recruiting him to the cause. Oh, baby, come back!
Aiigh! It's not Kellerman at all! It's Whistler, looking considerably unamused. Mahone gives a dry smile and comments on how nice the tip is. Whistler replies, "She handles the money." Both men look outside where Susan B. is standing on the sidewalk, sulking on the phone. So Mahone's back in the arms of the One World Conspiracy? Whistler would like to know as well, asking, "You in?" Mahone replies, "She better be able to handle a lot more than [the money]. Because if she has done what you think she has -- to Sara -- she's the weak link. And he will find her. And then Scofield will find you, and me, and I'm not paying for your mess." Ahhhh -- Mahone's actually choosing to throw his lot in with the One World Conspiracy because he fears the wrath of Scofield? Michael should be flattered. Whistler asks stonily, "Are you in or are you out?" Someone is not taking his breakup with Sofia well. Mahone gives a nonchalant half-smile and says he's in.
Speaking of in, that is where Michael has just let himself in Sofia's apartment. (I cannot believe Whistler wouldn't have visited here before fetching Mahone. What was he doing between the museum and the bar? Having himself a good cry while Susan B. promised him a weekend in doing nothing but eating ice cream and watching Arrested Development?) Anyhoodle, Michael and Linc roll on into the apartment and within seconds, Michael finds the briefcase. He asks Linc for his gun and uses it as a hammer to open the lock. Michael then pulls out a surveillance report for one Jason Lief in Scottsdale, Arizona. Although Michael doesn't know who he is yet, he concludes that if Jason Lief is important to Whistler, then he's now Michael's new priority. Linc tries to slow Michael down, but l'il bro says, "I get to Whistler, I get to Gretchen." Having apparently gotten over his own need to plug the guy what killed his dad, Linc says, "No, no, no, no -- this is the one chance you, me and L.J. have had --" "They killed Sara," Michael reminds Linc. "Yes, and I will be seeing that head in my nightmares for a very long time, but Michael...you can get another girlfriend. The best revenge is living well!" Linc...does not say. He humbly apologizes, and Michael gently accepts it, then adds, "I've got to go." There's a long, long moment when neither brother can look at or speak to one another, and then Linc holds out his car keys for Michael to take. Michael rasps, "Thanks," and then hurls into Lincoln for a last hug. The two clutch each other tightly and -- well, I can't se what happens because it got a little dusty in here, or California's pollen season has kicked in early or something. I blame the background music.
It's Rebekah Del Rio's cover of "Cryin'." ["Uh-oh. Doesn't that mean shit's about to get weird?" -- Joe R] We see what the various characters are doing: a grim-faced Susan B. is getting into her sedan, with an equally grim Whistler in the front seat beside her; in the back, Mahone has an ambiguous half smile on his face. Is he resigned to working for the forces of evil, or is he hoping to bring them down from within? We switch to Splenda taking a quiet moment from his party to smile ruefully at a basketball hoop, and then transition down to Bellick collapsing against a wall in Sona. Cheer up, Bellick! At least you have pants this time. We see poor sweet Sucre checking out Sona, and oh, that just burns me up. Then we cut to Linc taking Sofia's hand as she repines in her hospital bed. A quick cut to Michael driving, the gun and the origami rose on the passenger seat beside him. Then Rebekah Del Rio's voice soars into the chorus and we cut to Splenda contemplating the basket, then to T-Bag amid the mob, looking bitterly triumphant. Sucre settles down to a wall. Although he's still got blood running down his face, he looks less despairing than Bellick and more determined. We cut back to Sofia swooning in Linc's general direction while he mopes in the doorway (LINCOLN BROOD), and then we cut back to Michael. His jaw is set and we see him one more time before pulling back to the car driving alone along the road.
And that's it for the season. I have to say, I really dug the 13-episode length -- it kept us from getting bogged down in gotta kill time 'til sweeps!-style episodes, and I would love it if season four were equally snappy. Heck, I would love it if we had a season four, period. But my big thanks to all of you who read the recaps for season three, and to the pro readers who made me look less inarticulate, i.e. the editors. See you on the outside.