Episode Report Card Potes: B | 18 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT I Cry When I Wanna Cry
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 9 | Aired on 07.28.2013
Back in the kitchen, Melissa is intent on getting everyone wasted. Great plan, great plan. The men return, fish-less. Caroline is still wondering what the eff she is doing there. Melissa is drunk enough to start flirting with Rosie, and Caroline concocts her own sober escape plan. The food actually looks delicious. Melissa drunkenly speculates that Kathy is in fact a whore, and Richie tells Joe Gorga to grow some balls and shut his wife up. It's all good-natured, though, because now they love each other again. Juicy notes that he thought Chris and Jacqueline would be coming, and has a bottle of wine that they made together that he'd like Caroline to deliver to them. Teresa laments in an interview the fact that the two couples used to have good times, but now things will never be like they were. Richie suggests that Juicy give Chris a call, since the two of them should be able to resolve their differences quickly. Caroline tells us that she wishes that Jacqueline were there to get some sort of closure around her relationship with Teresa, and/or so we could see a table-flipping girl fight.
Meanwhile, Chris and Jacqueline are out to dinner. Jacqueline once again tells us how glad she is not to be in the Adirondikes, for if she had gone on the family therapy vacation, how could she be regaled with tales of the first time that Chris masturbated in his special sock? Chris then shares the info that Joe Gorga claims he first got laid when he was nine. Jacqueline's response? "Hopefully it wasn't with Teresa." I mean, she's only verbalizing the Flowers in the Attic scenario we've all been wondering about for two seasons.
Back at the castle, Rosie suggests that everyone do trust falls. She demonstrates with Richie, who catches her by the boobs. And squeezes. And keeps squeezing. I just…help. Rosie wonders why everyone is so curious to feel her up. Richie tells us just how drunk everyone is, and how it's just like old times. Caroline leans over the couch with a phone in her hand, in case she is called upon to dial 911. There is a lot of hubbub about the scenario involving Juicy trust falling into Melissa, who refuses to take off her giant stiletto heels. "Why I gotta do this shit?" asks Juicy. It's a thing I wonder every Sunday around 8:00 p.m. Rosie spots Melissa, but when Juicy falls on her they both still end on the ground. No one seems to have broken anything, sadly. Not even an ankle! Teresa wants Caroline to fall into her. Caroline wants to make a deal, and also ruin the good vibe of the evening. She says she'll do it if one day she can see Teresa and Jacqueline do it. Caroline is deliberately trying to catch Teresa off guard, and is rewarded by the tears in her eyes, which she thinks are indicative of the "real Teresa," as if any such creature existed.