Episode Report Card Potes: B | 18 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT I Cry When I Wanna Cry
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 9 | Aired on 07.28.2013
Then they rehash all the rumors about Melissa that Melissa thinks Teresa had some part in spreading, but Teresa says were simply "out there." Melissa finds it suspicious that whenever some falsehood is dropped about her, it's always to Teresa. And also, I may add, to cameras. Dr. Vajayjay tells Teresa that if she's sitting with folks who say a nasty thing about her sister-in-law and doesn't do anything, she's a dumb-ass. I personally wouldn't rank that in the top 35 reasons why Teresa is a dumb-ass, but it's still valid. Dr. Vajayjay yells at Teresa to take responsibility. Teresa says that she is, but offers to recount exactly how things went down. Melissa wonders exactly how Teresa wound up at dinner with her old friend Jan, and of course the equation involves Kim D. Nobody answers my question about who the heck Penny is.
Dr. Vajayjay wonders why Melissa and Teresa don't confront Jan together. Indeed! Teresa is all for it, but Melissa says that Teresa doesn't get to be there when the seeds of dissent were planted, then come with her and be a hero when the wrongs are called out. Dr. Vajayjay tells Melissa to fuck the others, the two of them need to remain a united front. Teresa says that she would never want to hurt the Gorgas, and then Joe suggests that they recount specific hurtful things that Teresa has done. Upon Dr. Vajayjay's prompting, Teresa says non-specifically that she has done things, which I guess is enough for Joe and his "Nothin' but a good time" Poison shirt.
Meanwhile, the others play in the snow. Caroline notes that, with a professional in the house, there's no need for her to infuse herself into the drama, so she might as well enjoy a good snowball fight. Nobody accuses anybody of nut-biting in a snowball fight, after all.
Back in the therapy room, Dr. Vajayjay wants to hear Melissa's plan for the future. Melissa says that what she's being asked to do, and will agree to do, is to take everything that's happened and forgive and move on. Dr. Vajayjay says that she shouldn't do it because she's asked, but rather because she wants to. Melissa says that she's willing to meet Teresa halfway, and Teresa talks about the need to nip things "in the butt," which I'm sure is a plan that Juicy can get behind*. (*Pun alert!) Joe thinks this is the first time in years that Teresa is being real, and Teresa goes in for a hug with Melissa while "humorously" calling her a bitch. She also says that she seriously loves Melissa, and Melissa again intimates that she's willing to meet Teresa halfway. Dr. Vajayjay then makes them hug yet again before bringing up the elephant/human thumb in the situation: Juicy. Teresa goes to get him as Melissa -- and a nation -- groans.