Episode Report Card Couch Baron: A+ | 3 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT We're Off To See The Wizard
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 07.11.1997
"Prisoner Number 97S444. Kareem Said, a.k.a. Goodson Truman." Said gets strip-searched. He's in for arson. "Sentence eighteen years. Eligible for parole in five." He gets his blanket and pillow and dons his trademark cap with a smirk. Flashback to a warehouse exploding. In his office, with Glynn present, McManus informs Said that in Em City people treat each other the way they themselves want to be treated. I won't even dignify that with an allusion to anal rape. McManus goes on that they treat each other with respect. Said asks what happens when someone doesn't show respect, and Glynn admits that that leads to violence. Said scenery-chomps that in that case, prison life isn't much different than the outside. McManus tells him his celebrity status doesn't mean anything, probably because he'll trip over himself to suck anyone's cock, figuratively speaking. And I hope that's the last figurative cocksucking you'll see on this show -- let's stick to the real thing. By the way, "cocksucking" isn't in my MS dictionary. Or, to be more precise, it wasn't until now.
McManus goes on that all his prisoners are equal, and Said chuckles at the irony of only finding equality in a place where he doesn't have the freedom to enjoy it. McManus says that if he doesn't follow the rules, he'll find himself in Gen Pop, and Said notes the warning. Glynn observes a group of Muslims looking up at the office and chanting, as Said expresses a wish to help his "brothers." Glynn asks if there's anything else they can tell him, but Said takes the opportunity to tell them something. He spouts some statistics about the "men of color" population of Oz, and the ratio of guards to prisoners. "We could take this prison any time we want to." Glynn concedes the point, but opines that they couldn't keep it. Their conversation continues until Said says, "As of today, I run Oz." Glynn gets in his face, then, gauntlets thrown, calls the officers to show Said out. Gotta say, I like a glowering Said a lot better than a smug, smirking Said. He gives his trademark blessing: "As salaam alaikum." Thanks to Czeri and Heli for trying to help me out with the spelling there, although I'm still not sure I got it right. And -- one down, 996,575 to go.
Said makes his way to his pod as the Muslims keep chanting and everybody watches. It's a quick shot, but the look on Schillinger's face is positively priceless. Hill VOs something about hate waiting to explode. We see the factory explode again. In a nice cut, we see Ortolani wake up. 6 AM. He gets out of bed, and man, does Jon Seda have a good body. "Prisoner Number 96C382. Dino Ortolani." We're told that he was convicted of, along with assault with a deadly weapon, murder in the first degree, and is in for life without the possibility of parole. He runs some water in the sink and sticks his face in, all Huey Lewis in the video for "I Want A New Drug." If he felt himself turning into Huey Lewis, I'm not surprised he had a death wish. Flashback. Ortolani smokes. Ryan O'Reily (that's what I'm talkin' about, people), also smoking, comes out of a restaurant (presumably) and takes a shot from a flask. From the way he's portrayed gays and Italians so far, I can only assume that this is Tom Fontana telling us Ryan is Irish. When they round a corner, Ortolani fires a gun, felling Ryan's companion. Ryan seemingly hits Ortolani in the shoulder, but Ortolani recovers to drop him. He kicks Ryan and walks off. Ryan bleeds from the mouth. Consistent Theme #3: You can't kill Ryan O'Reily.