Episode Report Card Couch Baron: A+ | 3 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT We're Off To See The Wizard
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 07.11.1997
On the stairs, Sister Pete gets an inauspicious introduction, as she's conversing with McManus. She says they have to talk about sex. McManus tells her she's insatiable, and she counters that he's not that funny. Sister, there's an extraneous word in that sentence. It's "that." Continuing the inauspicious beginning theme, I'd like to note that Sister Pete is saddled with a very unfortunate New Yawk accent that I'm very happy they dropped faster than ABC dropped girls club. She clarifies that Ortolani has requested a conjugal visit, and it would be the fourth since January. From the conviction dates (and the airdate of the episode), we're meant to know that it's July, to put it in perspective. McManus doesn't see the problem, but she goes on that it's part of her job to arrange for inmates and their wives to "make whoopee" -- like, go back to The Newlywed Game, Sister Pete -- and it's part of his job to tell her if the inmates in question have earned it. McManus "kids" that four times in a year is more sex than he had while he was married, and Sister Pete can't resist the obvious joke: "Maybe that's why you're divorced." One reason of many, sister. One reason of many. McManus authorizes a six-hour visit, and Sister Pete deadpans that she hopes Ortolani's not a "premature ejaculator," like, Tom, I know you think having a sixty-five-year-old woman say "ejaculator" is funny, but I'd expect Ortolani to be able to fit in three sessions in that period and still have time for pasta, so leave the jokes to the pros, 'kay?
11 AM. Cafeteria. Post brings food over to the Wise Guys, and Schibetta gives him a pack of Newports. Does Marlboro make those? Because if not, that puts a dent in my theory. On another note, it's interesting to know how quickly things are going to change between the blacks and the Italians. D'Angelo tells Schibetta and Ortolani what Groves is in for, and the two turn their heads to look at Groves in amazement. Heh. D'Angelo says Groves boiled his mother's head and smothered it in onions, and put his father in the freezer. Schibetta world-wearies that in the good old days, people only killed for business. Ortolani says that times change, but Schibetta demurs. "Nothing ever changes."
1 PM. Said addresses a small group of followers as Ortolani watches from a distance. Said says they must achieve purity, and that they can't use drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes. He goes on, "No foul language and no abnormal sex." Two words for you, Said: Fuck. That. He goes on about how strong they are as a people, as Diane observes and confers with a hack who looks suspiciously like Richard Gere. Schillinger saunters over as Said talks about their enslavement by the white man. Not liking what he's hearing, Schillinger pulls out a Marlboro (See? See?) and joins Ortolani. Schillinger says that Said is a threat, and to tell Schibetta they have to stick together. Ortolani retorts that Schillinger can tell Schibetta himself. Schillinger then realizes that the problem might go away on its own, as Markstram, Keane, and Adebisi accost the now-genuflecting Muslims. Adebisi introduces himself by shoving Said's face into his open pants. Ah, memories. The Muslims start to move, but Said waves them off. Keane gets in Said's face about his drug-use discouragement, and pulls off his cap. Said tells him Muslims believe in non-violence, and in respecting their neighbors. Keane: "We. Don't." By way of answering, Said turns to an older follower and tells him to hit him. After a few blows to the face, Diane calls for them to break it up. Keane, realizing he's getting more than he bargained for, starts to leave. Said, blood running down his face, repeats his stock blessing, along with what I assume is an English translation, "Peace be unto you." He and Ortolani exchange a glance.