Episode Report Card Owen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Devil's Music
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.20.1999
Credits. What about me? I'm human and I need to be entertained.
Some chick whispering to me about Polaroid products. What trend hath Haley Joel "I See Dead People" Osment wrought? Hon, I got your sticky film right here.
Establishing shots of Dayton, Ohio. You caught me! Still San Francisco -- cable cars, Golden Gate bridge, TransAmerica pyramid, Jerry Garcia blah blah blah. Dishwalla is the "Special (not) Musical (not) Guest (thank god)." An off-screen DJ informs us that the reason our ears are bleeding is Dishwalla's "hit," "Counting Blue Cars." He adds that the band and their manager Jeff Carlton are his in-studio guests as a shot shows the outside of "KJCH-FM." JC walks into a hallway and asks passers-by where the restroom is, but they ignore his breen-colored mock turtleneck and pleather-car-coat clad presence. Leo appears and offers to assist JC with directions, but leads him to an alcove instead. Leo takes out some white powder and blows it into JC's face. JC looks dazed. Witchcraft brewing or standard music industry drug use? You make the call.
P3AD. A pan down the screen of Piper's laptop, showing the club to be $24,347 in the red. Piper, tasteful as usual in a lavender sweater, explains to the slower viewers that "this is bad." It gets worse. Jenny "Pippa" Gordon, wearing a yellow t-shirt, Walkman earphones, and six different parts in her hair, comes down the stairs. She lectures Piper, "You should keep that door locked, you know? Anyone could just walk in." Once again, this line is a shameless gimme from the writers and I consider it beneath me. Piper asks Jenny what she's doing there. Word. Three episodes ago the girl wouldn't leave the house to buy herself emergency tampons. Jenny: "Am I breaking the law right now, being underage and all?" Piper, who has far more patience than Owen: "We're not open. Actually, I don't know. What's your point?" Jenny (lack of punctuation is hers): "If you were open for business and I was in here would you have me arrested because friendship counts for something even though we're not really friends yet but at least we're neighbors and neighbors do favors for each other . . ." Piper: "What kind of favor?" Jenny wants a ticket to "the show" that's "all over the radio." If she doesn't get one, she'll "die." Owen speed-dials TicketMaster and buys up every single ticket to every single event in San Francisco, Oakland, and Palo Alto scheduled for that night. As Piper asks Jenny again what the hell she's droning on about, JC enters the club. He tells her that when he heard about "P Cubed," fate "smiled upon him." His "boys" want to play a more "intimate" place, and "connect again" with the public. According to my friend Sara, they never "connected" with anyone in the first place, but whatever. JC wants Dishwalla to play Piper's little "hole in the wall." Piper has JC's "hole in the wall" right here. Actually, she's somewhat repelled by JC, but she smells crowds and money so she assents to the gig while Jenny nods like the unctuous little monkey she is. Just as JC brings up discussion about a contract, Jenny interrupts (natch) and asks, "Mr. Carlton, sir, is it possible for me to meet the band? I'll do almost anything!" JC is conflicted. Just wait till you get to know her better, dude. JC warns Jenny, "Be careful what you wish for, sweetheart." Cut to Jenny looking perplexed, probably because she's never been called "sweetheart" before in her life, and odds are she never will be again.
Limousine. Mr. Barker, to whom I shall refer as Mr. Gotrocks, on his car phone telling Prue not to feel awkward about accepting his loan. Prue asks him if the "terms are still the same" until they get the club "off the ground." Mr. Gotrocks informs her there will be "no interest" on the loan. Prue wants to pay interest. The limo approaches the city limits of Awkward Segueville, and Mr. Gotrocks says, "Speaking of getting off the ground, our plane trip to Paris is still open for discussion, isn't it?" Prue looks disgusted, so I guess Mr. G gives her the heebs. I add a half-hearted "word," because after all -- a free trip to Paris! By plane, no less! She appreciates his offer, but declines. Mr. Gotrocks: "It's not an offer, just a dinner request." Prue: "In Paris!" Mr. Gotrocks: "Do you know what they call French bread in Paris?" Okay, if you joined me in expecting Prue to yell out "PAIN!" then we're all far cleverer writers than the current staff of this show and I'll meet you next month in LA for a coup d'etat. Prue, quite incorrectly and lamely, replies, "Bread." That is Mr. Gotrocks's "point, exactly." They banter some more. Mr. Gotrocks will show up at the club with the money, although he obviously would rather be leaving it on Prue's bedroom dresser.