Episode Report Card Owen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Devil's Music
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.20.1999
Cut to Jenny in the club, all proud and shit. JC approaches her and offers her candy, suggesting they go back to his van behind the playground for a game of "Snake in the Bag." Actually, he offers to introduce her to Dishwalla, and (natch) she'll "do anything." Y'all know the drill.
Cut to Mr. Gotrocks greeting Prue. Piper comes up and asks who he is. Mr. Gotrocks whips out his little penis (tm Wing, again) and starts outlining his hostile takeover of Piper's humble nightspot. Just then, Morris comes up. He prepares to get his bitch on again. Phoebe runs up with the news that Jenny's there with JC, and she just lost the potion. Mr. Gotrocks and Morris start to fight over whom gets to lord it over the Ps first. Piper freezes everyone. Pan to Mr. Gotrocks in mid-flap. Pan to Morris in "bad cop" attitude. Pan to JC escorting Jenny to certain doom all the way across the crowded club. I'm thinking the writers are aiming for the sophisticated chaos of French farce here, but unfortunately they don't even achieve Chinese fire drill. The Ps run through the frozen thirtysomething extras, er, "club kids," but the scene is unfrozen before they can rescue Jenny.
Cut to JC throwing Jenny into the dressing room. She gets her wee bitch on. Masselin appears. The large shadow of his crab-leg hand covers Jenny's face as she screams in terror. Isn't that a terrific scene? Last weekend I watched it on continuous loop while eating whole cans of frosting just like Goldie Hawn at the beginning of Death Becomes Her.
The Blair Witch Project on video. I hope the "undiscovered footage" includes an effective ending.
P3AD. Piper runs to the hallway door. Prue tells her to stop. Piper: "Jenny's in there." Prue: "Do we really care if she lives or dies? I mean, really?" Actually, Prue stops the rescue attempt because the Ps no longer have the potion. Piper continues to be concerned about Jenny's death. JC opens the hallway door. Prue flings him backwards into the ever-present, conveniently-stacked empty cardboard boxes. Ouch! The Ps strut up to a prone JC and demand his help in fighting Masselin. JC can't, because the demon will kill him. Piper: "Listen up, skidmark. You tell us how to save Jenny and get Elvis out of the building or spending an eternity in hell is going to be the least of your worries." Word -- except for the "save Jenny" idea. In return, the Ps will free JC from his pact with the demon. JC says he can't help, and if they go in to confront Masselin, he will swallow them alive. Prue thinks this is "not a bad idea," because once they're eaten she can use her power to blow Masselin up. Phoebe nixes that plan because their powers might not work inside the belly of the beast, and that might be "what Masselin wants." Prue tells her they have no choice because the potion is gone. Phoebe shows off the stain on her skirt and queries, "Is it?" Feel free to insert a Monica Lewinsky joke in here; I don't have the energy.
Phoebe, who must still have remnants of her "jay kwan doh" training, miraculously kicks open the locked door to the dressing room. Masselin comes out and tells the witches that it's "time to join your friends." The ghost of Dorothy Parker adds, "And Jenny." Masselin reveals Jenny's Saran-Wrapped face in his chest. Prue looks at Phoebe's skirt and telekinetically flings it into the demon's maw. He explodes, just as Mr. Gotrocks enters the room. Mr. G gets slimed and falls against the far wall onto -- you're catching on now -- some stacks of empty cardboard boxes. On the floor where the demon used to be: the missing groupies. Morris rushes into the dressing room and takes in the tableau -- the pile of dazed half-naked girls and the guy slumped in the corner with puke running down his face and chest -- and demands to be clued in on what's going on, as if this is an uncommon sight backstage at a rock concert. Prue explains that Morris is "catching a kidnapper, and rescuing his victims." She tells him to trust her, because "that's all [he] need[s] to know." Morris cuffs JC. Good luck trying that case in court, San Francisco DA. Prue walks over to Mr. Gotrocks and gives him a dose of what's good for him: "Here's what you need to know. This place is ours. The ups. The downs. The good and, especially, the bad. If you ever bother us again, you won't have to ask if I'm threatening you. Are we clear?" Mr. Gotrocks begs Prue to stop dropping anvils on his head, and assents.