Episode Report Card Potes: B- | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Here Comes the Story of the Hurricane
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 06.02.2013
Caroline meets up with Joe at the None of Your Business Café, where she orders a steaming cup of Shut-It. Joe and Caroline maaaaaaybe want to bone each other, which makes me very uncomfortable. You know he'd call her "mommy" while motorboating. Oh my God, and I am so disturbed by what I just said that I don't even know what they talk about in this scene. I think something about not minding your own business, infused with really grody sexual tension.
And then at the beadery, Melissa really goes out of her way to micromanage Antonia and Milania's bead necklaces. I'm with Teresa about letting the kids use the beads that they want. Who cares if it's red and pink next to each other? They both look like tacky messes all the time anyway! Then there's some awkward small talk between the two moms before they realize that Antonia and Gabriela's communions are scheduled for the same day. Quelle coincidence! Teresa finally offers to be the bigger person and move Gabriela's. But this is no substitute for an apology for whatever all the things are that she did, at least in Melissa's eyes. The girls want to go out for pizza once their beads are done, but Melissa is not having it. Teresa tells us she wants them to be a real family, and not just fake-nice to each other. She says the kids aren't idiots. Not YET, anyway, but if their DNA has anything to say about it, it's a sketchy road ahead.
We cut to Caroline and Joe in their post-coital bliss. There's no shame in it, says Caroline! And then we're reminded that Caroline really is a noted authority on solving feuds with your siblings, given that she's in the midst of feuds with her siblings. Oh God, and then Caroline says something about how she's willing to go to talk to Teresa about all this. And then they actually kind of make out a little because Andy Cohen wants us to know that Bravo is not afraid to Go There.
This season on The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Horrors. Trust falls and shit. Caroline leaves Albert for Joe Gorga and everyone takes it very awkwardly. Fisticuffs. I repeat: Horrors.
Potes hopes that she lives to see this season's reunion episodes, but is doubtful. To send a message of hope, please tweet @traciepotes or email potesypotes@gmail.com.