Episode Report Card Potes: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Here Comes the Story of the Hurricane
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 06.02.2013
Meanwhile, Juicy Joe works out to the sound of children screaming, per usual. Milania reads the letter from Antonia and then hugs it because she is giving the hard sell for her own spinoff. She suggests writing a letter in response, but Teresa thinks she might as well call up Antonia and invite her over for a playdate. Gia is all, "LIKE SHE INVITED US TO HER BIRTHDAY PARTY?" Still with the sparkling personality, that one. But Milania pays no mind, and adorably gives a call to her cousin. Gia interrupts Juicy Joe's karate kick to tell him what's going on and express sadness at their family rift. Juicy says it IS sad since the kids have nothing to do with it, and it's all the parents. Specifically, it's Joe and Melissa's fault. I will say that Juicy seems marginally sober here. Credit where credit is due. In any case, a playdate will be planned, in a most excruciating fashion.
We then catch up with Caroline and Lauren, who are cooking in an apartment. It turns out that, with the boys out of the house and Lauren likely going to eventually shack up with Vito, Caroline and Albert have rented a small place in Hoboken to see how they like apartment living. Joe and Melissa come over for dinner, and Melissa suggests that they got a place in Hoboken to be closer to Chris and Albie. Caroline denies it because she always wants us to think that she's less crazy than she is. And you know, who wouldn't want to move to the hotspot of Hoboken? Oh my God, and then we learn that Al has this giant pair of telescope-size binoculars that they use to spy on people in neighboring buildings. Apparently this is more efficient than Internet porn. Joe Gorga loves Caroline because he too is a creeper. Also, she likes him more than anybody in his actual family does. They all talk about the potential playdate, and Melissa decides to text Teresa right then.
Cut to Teresa and Juicy, pretending like they have an ounce of sexual chemistry remaining. The text from Melissa comes in, and she asks if she can take Milania and Antonia out on Saturday. Juicy advises Teresa to suggest taking the girls out herself and see how Melissa responds. But nay, Melissa really wants to take the girls somewhere other than Teresa's home. Juicy suggests that Teresa call Melissa a stank-ass beeyotch, which I'm sure will solve everything. Also, Teresa is not really writing these texts that we see in close-up. They are WAY too literate. Teresa wants them to work it out like women, saying the most important thing is that the kids get together. At this point, Caroline starts to get a little annoyed that she invited the Gorgas over to dinner and all they're doing is having a text argument about a freaking kids' playdate. And then Juicy references "Dust in the Wind" (or "Dust in the Air," as the Giudices call it) and I suddenly feel like we are all merely a speck in a crevasse of the small universe located inside the fold of Rosie's ascot.