Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Vile Things
By Strega | Season 4 | Episode 25 | Aired on 01.20.2001
Subassdunne finds Kathryn sniffling in another room, and asks, "If you hate your mother so much, why work so hard to be just like her?" Then he psychobabbles that she must act like a bitch because deep down, she's in pain. Kathryn cries about how horrible her childhood was, and how she feels like she has to make amends for existing. Subassdunne comments, "That doesn't make any sense." Tell me about it. I wonder if that was actually a line in the script, or if he accidentally read a margin note made by a producer. The phone rings before they can both admit that they just want to be loved, gosh darn it. Subassdunne answers the phone. It's Cherie calling to tell him that "Danielle is totally, madly in love with you." Subassdunne disputes that. Cherie un-nuendos that Danielle "gets all moist" whenever she sees Subassdunne, and then clarifies that Danielle's eyes get teary. Is that what happens when you're totally, madly in love? My eyes are getting watery, too, but I think that's because I've been trying to think of reasons to go on living despite this movie. A task which grows more difficult every minute. Cherie says that Danielle's having dinner with her aunt at the Riverside Café, and so Subassdunne should go there and "bare [his] soul" to her. Subassdunne runs off without even bothering to hang up the phone. Which would require him to push a button, since it's a cell phone. He's the laziest boy in the world. Danielle, free of any auntly encumbrance, is strolling around near the harbor. She discovers Subassdunne, who has disguised himself as a street performer by playing a violin very badly. Danielle deduces that Cherie told him where to find her. Danielle has to catch a train home, and Subassdunne offers to escort her to the station. She agrees, on the condition that he doesn't talk. If only the entire movie had been made with that arrangement. Subassdunne agrees, and then starts playing the violin again. Danielle caves in and allows him to speak. He starts talking about romance, but Danielle isn't impressed by the pretty words. Subassdunne claims that he can't say what he really wants to say. Except that he can, and does: "I want to know what happened at school, in the courtyard. I kissed you and you just ran off." That's called a hint, Subassdunne. He says he's tried everything to make Danielle like him. Dude, you bought her a phone and now you're stalking her. How is that trying everything? Danielle tells him to be himself; he says he's scared. He starts walking along, whining about how he's lonely and confused, and when he finally turns back to Danielle, she's hopped into a taxi. She claims that she doesn't want to miss her train, but I think we all know her real motive for getting out of there. She waves and the taxi drives away.