Episode Report Card Strega: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Virtual Insanity
By Strega | Season 2 | Episode 15 | Aired on 08.17.2000
The x-ray of the Scarran suddenly lurches to life, and the image goes from negative to positive. There's a zapping sound, and Crichton collapses onto the exam table.
Crichton is still handcuffed to the table. We get a POV shot of him struggling with the cuff as Aeryn, wearing a latex nurse's uniform, fusses nearby. Then Zhaan leans over the camera and says, "You look like you're ready to have some fun." She's wearing more fetish-wear: a short black sleeveless dress and long black gloves. "We certainly are," Aeryn adds. Crichton's legs are now in stirrups, and Zhaan is standing between his legs, stroking his thighs. He asks what they're doing, and Aeryn says, "Nothing you won't like." Chiana leans into the camera to add, "Nothing you haven't already fantasized about." She's wearing some kind of latex schoolgirl uniform. Zhaan says he's had sexual thoughts about them all. Crichton denies it, but the women say it's nothing to be ashamed of. The music is now reminiscent of a '70s porno. Or so I'm told. Aeryn assembles some unpleasant-looking gadgetry as Chiana pokes her head over Crichton's denim-clad crotch. The cuts start to get more rapid as Aeryn tells Crichton to relax. Zhaan whispers, "I can wear a Freudian slip." Aeryn starts to inject something into Crichton's arm as she offers to "find new places to take [his] temperature." Chiana, for her part, offers to teach him "the left-handed Latvian Rodeo Torture" and starts pulling on a latex glove. Just as you think it couldn't possibly be more disturbing, Rygel growls, "All of you bitches, out now!" Rygel rises up from between Crichton's legs, and that's the least dirty way I could describe it. He's wearing a little leather mask and holding a flail. He says, "Crichton is mine," and makes that Hannibal Lecter snorfling sound. Rygel starts whipping Crichton, saying, "This is for calling me Sparky! And this is for Fluffy! And this is for Buckwheat, whatever that means." Do they have to do ratings for these episodes now that they're syndicated? I wonder how this one fared. Crichton struggles and finally rips the arm he's cuffed to off of the table. Then he punches Rygel. Y'know, he didn't really need to free both arms to do that. I'm just saying.
Cut to a sign over a doorway that reads, "Momma Ward." Nursery music plays and we hear babies crying as Crichton walks down the hallway. Someone screams, "Aaugh! Leaving so soon? I wish I could!" Crichton turns to see DK being pushed toward him in a wheelchair, blood spurting from his wrists. DK screams, "Look what you made me do!" Crichton backs away as DK goes on screaming about how he lost his job. Blood actually spatters the camera lens, as well as the nurse pushing DK. I've seen enough Herschell Gordon Lewis movies to find that amusing, but I guess it is a bit gross. Two orderlies walk up behind Crichton, casually lift him up, and deposit him into a baby carriage with a cartoony "boing" noise.