Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Watergate Still Kind Of Bothers Me
By Jacob Clifton | Season 6 | Episode 4 | Aired on 01.29.2007
He cruelly indulges the BS that follows to kill time, and because he likes her, and because he's awesome and a cutie-pie, and because he's a dick, and because she's more than willing to go there with him, and because he's bored, and because it's been a long day. So she sings on the carpet and he asks if in fact that was not worse, and not better. She thinks it was slightly better off the dance floor, and he laughs at her. "That was a massive difference, Brandy. I take back everything I've said. How anyone has sung on that floor is beyond me." He immediately -- not respecting her amount of crazy, which is always unwise, because it will get you cut -- reverses the ironic polarity and asks her to cosign that it was hopeless both on the floor and the carpet. Which is asking a lot, logically, because she doesn't get it on either surface, and he just in the same breath told her she was awesome and that she sucked. You can actually see her brain go TILT. Randy tells her straight up that she was "still terrible," and thanks her for coming. Brandy informs them that they don't understand talent, and Simon tells her, "Out you go, I don't want to hear any more of this rubbish." Her response? "Rubbish muffish." Brilliant, it's just brilliant. Simon tells her to get off the "non-singing" dance floor as she begins to yell all crazy; she tells them that Paula is their better in every way, and he calls out, "Call me!" She assures him that she doesn't have any intention of calling him, and Simon protests that she does, and this going on for awhile. He sends her out so Ryan can deal with her, and inside the audition room, Randy and Simon giggle helplessly and wonder how Paula would have dealt with Brandy. Which I admit is a pretty good thing to think about.
Simon comes out into the hallway as Brandy's wigging out on Ryan; he shouts, "Brandy, where is your family?" She tells him not to worry about her family, then wheels around on Randy, who's also exiting, to tell him he's a "faker"; Simon continues to yell at her to call him; everything is chaos. Randy appeals to Ryan: "She can't sing!" She whines that she's sufficiently mind-blown by their poor choices that she has no idea what they're looking for; Simon narrows it down to Not Brandy, and she tells him she is reciprocally not looking for him either, and he assures her that she is, and then Other Doors himself, which gives both him and Ryan a huge case of the giggles, and the crew's laughing, and Ryan's just slain, and still there's Brandy running around yelling random things. Finally Simon goes back inside -- grinning hugely -- and Ryan starts that pat-patting he does sometimes, really intensely, because the crazy is just getting stronger in her, and Randy appears, and she says something really really bad that makes Ryan jump like an electric shock, but I can't figure out what it was. Ryan tells her it's not nice to say such things about Randy, and she says it's okay because they were "cruel" to her, and he says that kind of talk is cruel in its own way. Ryan, this is a losing battle: Brandy, words, logic, up and down, right and wrong. Let it go, buddy. Let it ride. "Brandy, we won't soon forget you," he says, and she goes wandering off with crazy eyes bright as lanterns.