Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT You Lost Me
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.30.2002
Phoebe: It's just...becoming a wife. I mean, I like Samantha, but I never actually wanted to become her. See, Samantha was married to a human, Darrin. Darrin completely repressed Samantha's magic -- completely denied who she was. And it wasn't because he didn't love her, it's just that's the way it had to be. [Cole snarks something irrelevant here that I'll ignore.] It's just that, growing up, that was my only role model for a "typical" marriage, so that's all I knew. And he was able to meet people and leave the house and go to work and build this career -- and she had to stay home. You know, cook dinner and do the laundry. She went from being "Samantha" to being "Mrs. Darrin Stephens" overnight.
Hmmm. Starting from that line about complete repression: No, no, not, bullshit, pull the other one, so was she, she left the house early and often, she worked, she built a career, she wanted to stay at home, she enjoyed taking care of the housework, and no one held a gun to her fucking head, you stupid little nattering twit. Yes, Darrin ordered Samantha not to use magic, but this position of his quickly collapsed because one, she never paid attention to him and two, he was more than willing to take advantage of her powers when use of those powers was in their mutual best interest. Or, even, when such use was in his best interest alone. Meanwhile, the career Samantha Stephens was building was that of mother and wife, and while you might not have that career in mind for yourself, you irresponsible, freeloading tart, how dare you attack a woman who chooses that path for herself? Then there's the whole "loss of identity" nonsense. If anything, Bewitched went out of its way to establish that buffoon, Darrin, as the one whose identity was subsumed as a result of the union; he was far more of a "Mr. Samantha" than she ever was a "Mrs. Darrin." It was, after all, her freaking show. In fact the whole point of the show, like it or not, was that men are doddering, inept morons (cf. Arthur, Uncle; Bombay, Doctor; Kravitz, Abner; Tate, Larry; et al.), and it's the women of the world who really run things. Also, how the hell am I supposed to believe that Bewitched was the only example Phoebe had of a "typical" marriage during her formative years? Sure, Grams loved 'em and left 'em, and God love her for it. But what about the parents of the other kids she went to school with? Were all those parents divorced? Were none of those households double-income? Even if Phoebe used only the families she saw on TV as her "role models" -- and how fucked up is that? -- you mean to tell me she never watched Family Ties? Cosby? Who's The MOTHERFUCKING Boss? And speaking of "'typical' marriage," Phoebe, do you really want me to get up in those oversized tits of yours about what a load of horseshit that is? In short, SHUT UP AND FUCK OFF. Jesus. H. CHRIST. Samantha Stephens could squish you beneath her don't-fuck-with-me pumps like the worthless little maggot you are.
Something tells me the author of tonight's episode has unresolved issues with her own parents regarding her marital status, and she's taking them out on the rapidly-dwindling audience for Charmed. Way to alienate your core audience by pissing all over the best prime-time show about a witch ever. Idiot.