Episode Report Card Jessica: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Rock Bottom
By Jessica | Season 6 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.28.2003
After the break, we come back to what looks like video footage from The Road Trip of the Damned. Also known as: filler. But at least there's no dialogue. Finally, after oodles of Audrey and Joey smiling into the camera, and Seth Rogen making funny faces -- and can I just say how sad I am that poor Seth Rogen has been reduced to making guest appearances on Dawson's Creek? Here's hoping he did it as a favor to someone, because I think he's better than this. Seth, I love you. Anyway. What was I even talking about? Oh, right. After the video footage, we get back to the actual show. Audrey and Bob are asleep in the backseat. Oliver shoots Joey a dirty look. "What?" Joey asks. "It's just that you haven't said a word in four hours," Oliver says. "What do you want me to say?" Joey asks crabbily. Oliver suggests that she thank him for helping her out like this. Joey points out that he was going to California anyway. "It's really more about simple human kindness," Oliver says. Oliver, Joey hasn't known anything about that since at least Season Three.
They bicker -- about their break-up, of course -- until Audrey wakes up in the backseat and wonders where they are. "Somewhere in North Carolina," Joey says. "The South will rise again!" Audrey yells, stretching. Hopefully, the South will rise and slap you in the face, Audrey. Audrey bitches that "this road trip blows." They haven't done anything fun yet, she whines. "Let's stop to smell the roses," she says. On cue, Bob farts. Loudly. Cue ten minutes of Fart In A Car jokes. I'm not a huge fan of fake jokes, but Seth Rogen is funny, so…okay. I'll let it pass, this time. "I'm sorry. My ass was relaxed when I was sleeping," he mutters when he wakes up. Audrey screams about the odor until my ears start bleeding. Finally Bob changes the subject, telling her that if she's in the market for a new addition when she gets out of rehab, "[he] knows a drug called B.O.B." Audrey rolls her eyes and says she'll consider it, but he has to do something about the sex thing. "It was a little brief, don't you think?" she asks. Bob insists that this is entirely her fault. "You went all hellcat on me," he says. Joey smirks in the front seat. I'm learning way too much about the sex lives of the tertiary characters on this show today.
Back to Improbable: The Movie That Would Never Be. Executive Barbie Whitney stomps over to Dawson and announces that his dailies suck, they're over budget and they're behind schedule. She's pissed. But I don't know why she's surprised. He was the director's assistant two days ago. He barely has any experience! "You have a meltdown on your hands," she says. "How you deal with this will define your career. Other than that, keep up the good work, sweetie pie," Whitney pronounces, and storms off. I can not believe how overplucked her eyebrows are. Will the makeup terrorists on this show stop at nothing? Will they spare no one? Dawson, panicking, calls Todd. But Todd's not around to bail him out. "Not so easy, is it?" Natasha asks, appearing as if from out of nowhere. Dawson heaves a giant sigh and admits that they had sort of a rough day yesterday. "What can I do to make today a more pleasant experience?" he asks wearily. Natasha rolls her eyes and asks if he's "retarded." Dawson has no response. "Because you're acting kind of retarded," she continues. Then she announces that she's not doing his crappy scene -- yes, again -- and stomps off. In her wake, the cameraman takes this opportunity to tell Dawson that he -- Dawson -- has no idea what he's doing, and then he -- the cameraman -- storms off.
More Wacky Road Trip Video Footage. This road trip would be way more lifelike if someone was playing "death is not an option." The kids pull over for gas and snacks. When Oliver and Joey come out of the mini-mart with snacks in hand, Audrey is standing on top of Oliver's car. He, obviously, isn't that thrilled, and asks her to get down. Audrey shrugs that his car is just a piece of crap anyway. Oliver snorts that it probably doesn't compare to the little convertible her daddy bought her, but it's "all [he] has." "Guess it sucks to be you, huh?" Audrey sasses. Oliver turns to Joey. "It's wrong to hit girls, right?" he asks wearily. "Sadly, yes," Joey says. "That's what I thought," Oliver sighs. Poor Oliver. If I were him, I'd leave Audrey and Joey on the side of the road and just take off with Bob. Anyway, Audrey makes some snide comment about Oliver's bright future pumping gas and finally slides off the hood. "You're not funny," Joey says. Audrey rolls her eyes. "I am many things, Joey Potter, but not funny is not one of them," she says. The two of them then recap the entire Joey/Oliver relationship again, like, we know! We just saw this entire thing play out last week! Focus, writers! Focus! Eventually, Audrey accuses Joey of escorting her to Los Angeles just so she can spend some quality time with Oliver. Joey sputters that this is entirely untrue. Audrey rolls her eyes and asks Joey to "have the guts" to tell her the truth. "It's not about me. It's about him," Audrey snaps, and climbs into the car. Joey shakes her head and crosses over to the back of the car, where Oliver is…well, standing there. Joey apologizes for Audrey's behavior, but not for her own ghastly appearance. Is Katie Holmes ill? I'm quite serious. She looks exhausted, and her skin is almost gray. She must be praying for hiatus. Or, you know, unemployment. Oliver shrugs and kindly says that this trip has certainly proven more interesting than going to California all by himself would have been. And then the car lurches out of the gas station, taking half of the pump with it. The bag of snacks that Oliver had placed on the roof of the car flies everywhere. What a horrible way to treat your snacks. Does Audrey respect nothing?