Episode Report Card Jessica: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Rock Bottom
By Jessica | Season 6 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.28.2003
The I'm Out Of Clever Help-Related Puns Already Helpline. No one is calling, so Jen and Blandy just stare at each other. Jen looks possibly the worst I've ever seen her, in that insane Dutch Boy haircut and this absurd orange sweater worn over a collared, button-down shirt. She looks like Mia Farrow, and I don't mean during the gamine Rosemary's Baby years. I'm talking about the crazy, Little Dutch Boy haircut, wave at Woody Allen from across the park years. Jen wonders if Grams will call. "I found her this morning, staring at the phone and listening to Lionel Richie," she says. Blandy nods, telling her that he knows the drill. His "Uncle Bill" has been really blue since Blandy's aunt died. "He was devastated. They were like Ozzy and Sharon," Blandy says. What's with all the Ozzy references this week? Was that part of Jack Osbourne's contract? I mean, I like Ozzy, too, but I think having Jack has a semi-recurring presence is enough of a shout-out. Anyway, quicker than you can say "Boring Plot Twist Sure To Be Forgotten Within The Next Three Episodes," Jen and Blandy scheme to hook up Uncle Bill with Grams.
Oliver and Joey walk sadly along the side of the road, trying to hitch a ride. "You try to help someone, your car gets stolen and you're stuck on the side of the road with someone who hates you," Oliver grouses. Joey sighs that she doesn't hate him, but she's frustrated. Their relationship was supposed to be over, she whines. It was? Did they recut the scene between Joey and Oliver that closed out last week's episode after this episode was already in the can? Because it seemed pretty open-ended to me. Plus, they did the whole "I love you" thing. I'm just…confused. Oliver gives Joey a Meaningful Look, but she tells him she doesn't want to talk about them; she wants to talk about Audrey. "I can't figure out how to help her." Oliver shakes his head and tells Joey that she can't help someone who doesn't want help. Well, duh. Hasn't Joey ever watched Lifetime? Joey wonders what Oliver's getting out of this whole ordeal, anyway. "Isn't it obvious? I get to spend some time with you," Oliver says. Joey looks pleased in spite of herself, but tells Oliver that Audrey thinks that this trip is about Joey, not Audrey. Well, Audrey's clearly learned that, on this show, everything is about Joey. And could someone please explain to me why no one ever says anything to anyone else directly? I mean, it's all "so and so said such and such about this and that." Just have the characters actually talk to each other! Jeez. Finally, Joey tells Oliver that she's "having trouble letting [him] go," even though he's "made it painfully clear" how he feels about her, and she's just "prolonging the inevitable." Huh? He loves you, Joey. He told you that last week. Did they forget that? Did I hallucinate that? What is going on here? Oliver stares at her. "It's probably going to sound cheesy, but I've never cared about anyone the way I care about you," he tells her. "But it's too late. I screwed up. But the way I feel about you? I love you, Joey." Aw. Man. That was sort of sweet. Of course, this is coming from the girl who cried at A Walk to Remember (starring Mandy Moore and Shane West!) this afternoon, so I'm clearly undergoing some kind of hormonal surge. Joey stares at him. "You're right. It did sound cheesy," she says. She doesn't understand how he can love her and leave her behind, she says. Oh, Joey. Please go to therapy and work through the way your parents' relationship has totally screwed you up.