Episode Report Card Jessica: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Rock Bottom
By Jessica | Season 6 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.28.2003
Over on the set of Whatever! The Movie, Dawson leans over a trash can, waiting for the vomit. Welcome to my Wednesday nights, Dawson. Natasha swings past to give him the patented Dawson's Creek Buck Up, Little Camper Speech, telling him that unless he wants his career to be destroyed, he needs to sack up and start doing his job. "Thanks," Dawson says. "Don't thank me. Just get your act together," Natasha tells him, and slinks away.
Cut to the weirdest double date ever: Uncle Bill, Grams, Blandy, and the Little Dutch Boy. Uncle Bill asks Grams what she does for fun. Grams tells him that she, like every right thinking person, enjoys the occasional trip to Vegas. Uncle Bill loves Vegas. Grams sips her soup and mentions that her church group goes every few months or so. But Uncle Bill is strongly anti-church. Bill hates church. "Don't tell me you're one of those religious broads," he says. Jen and Blandy exchange uncomfortable glances as Grams asks Uncle Bill not to call her a broad. "Why not?" Uncle Bill asks. Grams explains that it's "degrading to women." Uncle Bill snorts that he called his wife a broad "at least twice a day for forty-two years." How romantic. "How lovely for her," Grams murmurs. And then we get into some very loud business about a pubic hair in Uncle Bill's soup, which I'm just not going to go into. "Disgusting," Grams mutters under her breath, which prompts Uncle Bill to call her "a real downer" and suggest she go see a doctor. "Why should I be seeing my doctor?" Grams asks. "So you can remove that polar ice cap you've got wedged up your butt," Uncle Bill says. And Grams laughs! Grams would never laugh at that! Grams would dump her soup in his lap! Jen just nods and giggles over her soup like a remarkably slow toddler.
The set of No One Cares About The Inner Workings Of The Film Industry Unless Juicy Gossip About Real People Is Involved. Dawson fires his sassy cameraman nemesis and makes some other random guy DP for him. Who are these people? I don't know. Is it likely that they're union, and he can't just fire them like that without getting in trouble? Probably. Executive Barbie Whitney watches as Dawson takes over the set like a man (a man, I tell you!), and smirks. I do sort of appreciate the fact that he's not acting like a whiny baby, but this whole movie plot has gone on about six years too long. "Anyone else want to get fired? Huh?" Dawson asks. The rest of the extras pretend they're scared. Dawson tells Natasha that she's going to do the scene as written and he doesn't care what she thinks about the script! She gives him a little "way to go, hot stuff" look, as he tells everyone else to get their asses in gear. "Or I will fire you and I will humiliate you and I will do it well because I learned from the master!" Dawson yells. Yes, sweet, absent Todd. Dawson's one true love. The man who taught him everything he knows…about love. Todd. Come back, Todd!