Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Cannon in D-fense
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.15.2002
Epiphanies must be catching, because somewhere inside the insides of the ship, Trip recants his rank-pulling and tells Reed they should try his wild and crazy torpedo-linkage idea, telling him, "Based on the recommendation of the Armory Officer, the Chief Engineer finds the level of risk acceptable." Reed is Britishly ecstatic and says, "In that case, if the Chief Engineer wouldn't mind getting his hands dirty, I could use some help."
Quantum dials up a log and pontificates about his crew: "It's been two days now with no sign of the alien vessel. My crew has managed to do in forty-eight hours what would have taken the armory team at Jupiter Station at least a week [yeah, but they're union]. To say that I am proud of them would be an understatement." Quantum finishes his last bite of Exposition Government Cheddar and says that they're doing their first test of the cannon system and everyone has their fingers crossed.
Bridge. "You're sure there's nothing down there?" Quantum asks T'Pol as they view a moon-like planet. "Yes, Captain," T'Pol responds. "Not even a microbe? I don't want to blow something up that could evolve into a sentient species in a couple billion years," Quantum probes, pacing the bridge. He chooses now to have a crisis of conscience where interfering with sentient species is concerned? Too bad he didn't have such a revelation anytime in the previous eleven episodes. T'Pol assures him again that "there is nothing there." There's some preliminary claptrap back-and-forth about damning the torpedoes (yes, I know they're cannons, not torpedoes) and priming the target. Quantum orders Reed to "start small" and just "shave a couple of meters off the top of that peak." Reed is glowing like a bride. Must have remembered his Prescriptive's Vibrant Moisturizer today. He is in his element as he calibrates, takes aim, and fires. But the explosion is much bigger than they expected. Major sparkage on the bridge. Reed is a bit discombobulated and shouts to his underlings to "shut the cannons." Quantum demands to know what the hell happened. "Something overloaded the phase modules," Reed reports. Trip reports some power outages on a few decks, and T'Pol reads something anomalous in Launch Bay Two.
Launch Bay Two. Trip, T'Pol, Reed, and Quantum investigate the area. Trip finally spies a silver globe thing in the corner of the launch bay. "You think that's what's causing the power surge?" Quantum asks. T'Pol seems to think it's "very likely" as she fiddles with her tri-corder and discovers that it's putting out a fairly substantial amount of energy. "Over six hundred mega-joules," she says, to be precise. "They're toying with us. They want us to know they can destroy us whenever they want. Even with our own weapons," Reed says, showing distinct signs of getting fitted for an out-and-out wig. T'Pol reports, "Whatever it is, it's tapped into most of our systems. Including internal systems and communications on every deck." Quantum swaggers his John Wayne butt up to a control panel and activates a visual sensor. The next POV is supposedly from the Praying Mantis ship, but for such a technologically advanced species as the writers are purporting them to be, they have really bad reception -- both audio and visual. I'd suggest springing for DirectTV or at least cable. Quantum delivers his "Osama Dead Or Alive" power speech to the aliens: "I assume you planted that device because you wanted to learn more about us. I'll be happy to give you a quick lesson. We're not here to make enemies, but just because we're not looking for a fight doesn't mean we'll run away from one. You may think you've left us defenseless, but let me tell you something about humans: We don't give up easily. We'll protect Enterprise…" Quantum walks away from the visual and aims at the alien bug. "Any way we can," he finishes, and fires. The alien's screen goes blank, and they cleverly zap us to commercial. Now, if that bug planted by the aliens causes the Enterprise torpedoes to massively malfunction and is also tapped into various other ship systems, isn't it rather foolhardy to fire a phaser at it? I guess when you're looking to make a statement, things like "massive plasma burns" and "skull crushed by falling bulkhead debris" aren't really germane.