Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Frankly, You Morons, I Don't Give A Rat's Ass
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.06.2006
Not!warts. There follows a scene that lasts a full minute and a half between Fugly Rufus, The Ultimate Maggoty-Necked Retard, Ssssecretly Evil Chrissssty, The Man From Another Place, and The C.S.I. Piñata. Does anyone -- anyone -- care what they have to say? No? Didn't think so. Next!
Oh, fine: The disgruntled little fuckers bad-mouth the Manor Morons, basically calling them lazy bitches who can't be bothered to do their own dirty work anymore. They also reveal they were sent to Not!warts in search of The Ultimate Power, which The Glamorous Ladies told them was evil, and must therefore be destroyed. Are you happy now? Jeez!
Meanwhile, over in a dank and forbidding alleyway, Creo and Evil Barry Bonds loiter around an open barrel fire, chatting about the current sorry state of affairs in the Giants clubhouse, and there is, I hate to tell you, dissension in the ranks. Evil Barry Bonds, you see, is getting sick of catching flak about that whole BALCO thing, and wants to know when he'll be properly compensated for his role in The Triad's Nefarious Demonic Plot For Retard Domination by surpassing Hank Aaron's home run record. Creo counsels patience at first, then rather snippily reminds Evil Barry Bonds that they both "signed an oath in blood," so Evil Barry Bonds should knock it off with the bellyaching, already, lest Evil Barry Bonds suffer "a fate much worse than death." "Funny you should say that!" Raige lilts from off-screen as the deafening shriek of her orb cloud hits the soundtrack. When the camera cuts over to take in Raige and Phoebe, Raige lifts a hand in the air and calls out, "Demons!" Much to the delight of many on the boards, who have been waiting for such a power display for what seems like three thousand years, Raige's orbing telekinesis kicks in and sends Creo and Evil Barry Bonds flying through the air to crash heavily onto the asphalt at the other end of the alleyway. As they scramble to their feet, Phoebe sneers, "We have a few questions for you." She then overhands the truth potion vial towards their feet, and she totally throws like a girl. Or, you know, like Matt Morris. The vial smashes on the ground, expelling a cloud of mojo that plows into the demons' bodies, making them glow a slight white for a moment. As the boys reel from the potion's effects, Raige twitches, "Gentlemen? Who is the wizard behind the curtain, so to speak?" Creo's all, "The what?" because black-clad demonic go-go boys don't get Wizard Of Oz references. "The demon!" Phoebe clarifies. "Who are you working for?" Evil Barry Bonds is about to hork out an answer when Creo stills him with a hand, heaving, "No -- you can't!" "Too bad you don't have a choice," Phoebe rather overconfidently asserts. No sooner have the words left her mouth than Creo and Evil Barry Bonds conjure Flaming Balls Of Death, which they then hurl into each others' torsos. Demons instantly go boom, leaving a shocked Phoebe and Raige to goggle their collective way into the next commercial break. Meanwhile, legions of grateful Hank Aaron fans pen letters of thanks to The Zombie Triad for that whole blood-oath-of-loyalty thing.
Nonexistent Attic. Aftermath. Raige orbs in with Phoebe to fill the waiting Piper in on recent National League developments. Raige then wonders how the annoying little fuckers are faring, and so retrieves the shillelagh she'd been given during an episode I'm trying desperately to forget, and uses it to summon The Man From Another Place and The C.S.I. Piñata back from Not!warts. As they'd been sitting on a sofa over there, they of course find themselves tumbling onto their wee behinds in the nonexistent attic, and this seems to be the final insult. The C.S.I. Piñata huffily snatches the shillelagh from Raige's hands, orders her never to bother them again, and rainbows on out of there with The Man From Another Place. "What's wrong with them?" Phoebe eyebrows. "I don't know," Raige admits, "but it's not good." It's never good, Raige. Nothing on this show is ever good, so knock it off with the pouting and the eye-rolls and the puckery lips of self-pity, you twitchy bastard.