Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Frankly, You Morons, I Don't Give A Rat's Ass
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.06.2006
The Travelogue Ovary would like you all to know that she's not scared, she's just changing. NO ONE CARES, WHINER. By the way, the previouslys, the opening credits, and the travelogue have taken up three full minutes of an episode whose running time clocks in at barely forty without the commercials, so we can already tell how pointless and sucky tonight's installment is going to be. In any event, after we hurtle above and around San Francisco for a bit, we eventually land on the Manor's façade and travel inside to the kitchen, where we find Piper and Raige discussing Piper's ginormous Doltsicle and how much marriage sucks when you're magical, and it's all so BORING, but at least Piper looks good this evening. She's sporting a pair of dangly silver earrings several on the forum boards covet dearly, and she's wearing a lovely, flowing, loose-fitting dark blue blouse, the better to disguise the fact that Holly Marie Combs is, by now, three months pregnant. Piper and Raige natter at each other until Phoebe bellows for them from the dining room, where she claims she's discovered the identity of "the new power." Unfortunately, before she shares what she's learned, we must first endure Piper and Raige hustling into chairs around the table to needle the Feebs about Stoop, with whom Phoebe has -- wait for it -- fallen in love, which is of course against the rules, and oh, my God, they practically started this hateful series with this goddamned forbidden-love storyline eight fucking years ago, and NO ONE WANTS TO SEE IT PLAY OUT AGAIN, EVER. I shouldn't allow myself to get so worked up about it, though, because CANCELLED!, so I'll just ignore nearly everything Stoop-related for the next three decades, okay? Good.
Whoa. Did I just type "decades" there? I meant "episodes" of course, but, you know. Same difference.
Anyway, long story short, Phoebe's decided to enlist the aid of the Stoopid Magikal Kreatures, and passes Raige a list of the most prominent of these from the last six seasons. "Why are leprechauns at the top of the list?" Raige groans. To piss me off, Raige. To piss. Me. Off. Phoebe's of the opinion, however, that the leprechauns' luck is just what the Manor Morons need at the moment, and proposes to send them off to Not!warts for further reconnaissance now that the hated school is off-limits to the gals themselves. Raige sighs. "What happened in my life that I wound up having to talk to leprechauns so much?" Bitch, what happened in mine that I wound up having to recap the little fuckers six goddamned times in the last three years? Shut up, Raige. Phoebe pretty much ignores Raige's misgivings and sends her off to chat with the little fuckers in question, while Phoebe herself remains in the Manor with Piper to abuse the Book of Shadows in hopes of finding an entry on Chrissssty's "hall monitor." As Holly Marie Combs struggles to push herself to her feet because she is, by now, five months pregnant, the screen flares white to whisk us over to...