Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Frankly, You Morons, I Don't Give A Rat's Ass
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.06.2006
The screen may or may not have flared white to dump us back over on Prescott Street, and I'm not rewinding to check, because this pointless episode blows, and I want to die. Up in the nonexistent attic, Phoebe's using one of Grams's priceless antiques for target practice as she flings vial after vial of something explosive and deadly at the upholstered fabric of a Victorian armchair. Ungrateful bitch. Meanwhile, Stoop hearts in unannounced from points unknown, and for his troubles almost takes a vanquishing vial to his chest. "You mad at me, or something?" Stoop twinkles, flapping one of his massive paws around in the smoky air. Phoebe goggles at him, struck speechless by her overwhelming yet forbidden love for him, and NOT CARING because WE'VE SEEN THIS ALREADY and WHATEVER and CANCELLED! Long story short, Stoop's found "an aid worker in Bangladesh" he thinks would be just perfect for her, Phoebe scoffs at the very idea of getting vaccinated just to go on a date, Stoop wonders what crawled up her ass and died, Phoebe admits she's fallen in love with him, and they mack. Whoopee. Is this show done yet? I think this show should have been done by now. Anyway, Piper pedebabbles into the nonexistent room from the upper landing in time to catch the canoodling, and she makes with the loud and false apologies for barging in on them like that until she's succeeded in driving Stoop from the Manor. Once he's hearted out of there, Piper gets down to business, wondering if Phoebe's managed to identify Creo. Alyssa Milano gets in some mildly amusing physical shtick with various potion ingredients and Phoebe's abuse of same due to the character's thwarted libido, or whatever, until Phoebe admits that she has found an entry for the demon in question. The problem is, they'll have to lure him from Not!warts before they can do anything to him. Piper flips the Book open to "The Truth Spell" and vows they'll force Creo to spill everything he knows the second he sets foot outside the much-loathed school. The camera pulls in on the spell's accompanying enormous pink maggot for a bit until the screen flares white to shoot us over to...
...that black chamber in Not!warts. Chrissssty creaks open the door, lures Maggot Neck in from the hall, and Jesus Christ, this scene is boring. Long story short, Chrissssty's escorted The Ultimate Retard into the black chamber so the latter might meet the imaginary fiend from their childhood, a gent named Dumain who's dressed like a low-rent Vic Sage and who looks like an ugly Rufus Wainwright. And it's not like St. Rufus is about to stop any clocks to begin with, if you know what I mean. I'm just sayin'. And by the by, now that we know these two have been under the influence of an Imaginary Fiend their entire lives, would someone summon Boring Jesus from the future so he can drama-queen "Leave my family alone!" and cremate their annoying asses already? Please? Someone? Anyone? No one? Fuck.