Episode Report Card Erin: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato, Four
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 5 | Aired on 11.02.2002
Vaughn looks at Jack. Jack looks at Vaughn. Forehead wrinkles. Pursed lips. More forehead wrinkles. More pursed lips. It's like they're having a War Of Expressions or something. "I saw DeSouza," says Vaughn. "He told me that you hired him to rig those explosives." Spy Daddy steps closer to Vaughn. "Irina Derevko would eagerly destroy all of our lives." "I'm not a big fan either," spits Vaughn. "It still doesn't justify what you did." "You do good work, Agent Vaughn," says Jack, with more than a hint of condescension, "but your consistent shortcoming, and you should know this, is your naïve sense of morality. Evil must be eliminated, by whatever means necessary." Vaughn's all, uh, I don't think Syd would agree with you on that one, Papa Don't Preach. Jack's all, yeah? Well, Sydney will NEVER know about what I've done, okay? Vaughn's all, you betrayed her trust, okay? I won't. "Now, she should hear it from you," he says, "but if you don't tell her, I promise you, I will." His piece spoken, Vaughn retreats from the battlefield. Jack just looks directly into the camera and spews a raspberry.
Ah, opera. Very soothing. And a bathroom. The shower's running. Hmmm. Wonder who's in there. Is it Syd? Preparing for her journey? No, it can't be. Because the opening shot was of a mansion. A mansion...hmmm...wonder who that could be...AAAAAGGGGGHHH!!!! Oh, Jesus. Oh, sweet Lord above. Oh, God. Oh, Mary. It's SLOANE. Naked! NAKED SLOANE. Stop. STOP! I mean, I know the guy has to shower and everything but, like, DON'T SHOW US!
Note: This is not a reflection on the talent and ability of Ron Rifkin. He is a truly gifted performer and, as many interviews have shown us, a delightful and lovely man. However, he's no Viggo Mortensen or George Clooney, and the fact that he's buck nekkid right now doesn't really thrill ANYONE with a pair of eyes.
Right. Professionalism. Right. Señor Slappy Pants gets out of the shower, wrapping a towel around himself (thank GOD), and walks over to his big old mirror so that he can confirm that he is, indeed, hairy-chested. The opera music soars as he sees a single glass of red wine in the reflection. He turns, and no, he's not imagining it; there is actually a glass of red wine on the counter opposite him. Agent Abnormal is NOT amused and stalks through the place, finally opening the door into a room that houses many surveillance screens, all of which are fuzzy. Sloane picks up the phone and dials. When someone answers, Sloane's all, why was the security system disabled? Disembodied phone voice answers that it was disengaged onsite ten minutes ago. "I'll put the system back online, sir," says Disembodied Voice. Sloane looks at all the screens and sees nothing as Disembodied Voice asks him if everything's okay. Sloane just fingers the phone like it's his long lost velveteen rabbit and it's speaking to him about the man who lives in the tree stump.
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