Episode Report Card Djb: C+ | 1 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Something Borrowed, Something Prue
By Djb | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.07.2001
Hey, look! It's Wedding Planner John and Wedding Planner Jane! Leo tries to tell them that it's "not a good time." Dude. It hasn't been a good time yet. Piper, however, wants them to hang around, and Wedding Planner John launches in, "I have revisited the dinner menu, Piper, and you are going to be thrilled." Piper waves him off, smiling big and informing him, "I want pigs in blankets." John and Jane pause for a moment -- what a wacky pair! -- and crack up when they recognize that she's just kidding. But she's not. Piper clarifies, "No. I want pigs. And blankets!" She waves a hand in the air, and Wedding Planner John collapses on the ground and morphs himself right into a pig almost as ugly as the sweater she for some reason saw fit to bedeck the pig in, both of which (the sweater and the pig) possess one tenth of one percent the ugliness of Phoebe's aforementioned Bahama Mama ensemble. Wedding Planner Jane drops her planner and gawks in horror, and Piper says something about her being an "ice queen" before doing the freezy routine on her. Leo chides her again, but Phoebe tells him to "get on board," continuing, "You can't imagine the freedom, the power." Leo tells her that it's just evil talking, and Piper and Pheebs agree that Leo's acting like "a stick in the mud." Phoebe: "May I?" Piper: "Be my guest." And so she waves a hand, turning him into, quite literally, a stick. In mud. Wait. I don't follow. Not literal enough. Phoebe regrets "all the fun [they've] been missing," and as they make for the door, Piper tells her that "this is just the beginning." Meanwhile, back at Tribal Council, Dantalian pulls the veil back from Prue's face and repeats, "Just the beginning." For the love of God, someone. Please tell me that's not true.
And, back at the manor once more, evil. I mean, clearly. Pay attention, lay viewer. Phoebe brandishes an axe and heads toward the swine formerly known as Wedding Planner John (aim for the sister! The sister!), but hands it off to Piper in the good spirit of her wedding, suggesting, "Shouldn't the first kill be yours?" Piper takes the axe in hand, but then calls the whole thing "too boring," already desiring to move on to "something bigger." Piper surmises that if they're feeling strong and liberated and evil and ill-costumed, all this must be happening to Prue as well. They plan to make off and find her, but first they turn John and Jane into their wedding-planner selves once more and send them flying backward onto the street. They then turn to regard stick in the mud, turning it back into Leo (same…difference?) and telling him that they want to find Prue. Leo tells them that he's off the assignment because the girls gave in to evil, and that Piper "relinquished [her] right to a Whitelighter." He disappears. Sniff. I guess. Phoebe makes for the steps, and Piper asks where she's going. Phoebe makes it way too easy when she shoots back, "Well, I can't wreak havoc dressed like this," but the fiery tingling sensation that is the unmistakable pain of my corneas bursting into flames clearly begs to differ.
Phoebe enters her room and unties the string on the front of her sweater (apropos of nothing whatsoever, my roommate happened through the room when I watched this episode the first time and noted, "Finally, some cleavage, at least," which was a little VERY out of character…maybe he too is evil?). Lurkily (not an adverb, you say? Yeah, well, it is now), Cole appears behind her in a corner. Phoebe makes with the nookie once more, asking, "Big bad Balthazor strikes again?" Cole responds that it's not anything he's proud of, and she tells him, "You should be." Kissy kissy. Cole tells her the wacky So I Married a Warlock subplot unfolding just across town, and Phoebe pulls off another pretty decent line with, "Figures that bitch would steal Piper's thunder." Heh. And, ew, because I just had to put on a windbreaker to keep myself from getting drenched by the amount of saliva oozing out of my television speakers at this moment. And, hi, lip-mic operator? Yeah. You've been given this speech before, I imagine. She asks if he wants her evil, and he pulls away in a big hurry and warns, "Our only chance is if we're both good." She tells him she's had it with the preachy human half, claiming she wants Balthazor back. Good. Fine. Move it along with conjuring his inner Boreanaz already and, also, move it along. Cole responds, "He's not coming back." So she kicks his ass onto the floor of her room, screaming, "I! Want! Balthazor!" So the Darth Maul make-up guy rises up to meet her eye to eye, just as Piper knocks on the door and asks about what's what inside. Balthazor warns, "Dantalian is coming for your book. Be ready." He disappears as Piper enters and asks if everything's okay. Phoebe warns that they'd better get going. And so they go.