Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Size Matters
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.24.2001
No Cole this evening, so tonight's secret word is "Uh-oh" when uttered in a high-pitched squeak reminiscent of Michael Jackson doing helium whip-its.
Manse Finn. Inside, under the credits, Freddy's hands first hone a sculptor's chisel, then squeeze some water onto some clay. He lovingly fashions breasts on a small female figurine. The camera lingers on the breast-shaping, just to make certain we all understand that he's a sexually-disturbed sociopath. Cut to flames rising in a kiln, followed by a fade to Eddy Gein caressing a finished figurine. It's of a woman in a long skirt. Her arms are clamped down firmly at her sides, and her head tilts at an unnatural angle. Her eyes are black holes, and her mouth forms a perfect O. A faint scream pierces the soundtrack before the camera cuts back again to the Manse exterior. Finn roars off on his motorcycle under the watchful eye of Raige. Raige shivers uncomfortably, and -- scene!
Phoebe interviews for a job, in which presumably she will deal with customer complaints. Phoebe does not get said job. Why? Because instead of lying to Nasty Job Interview Lady about why she didn't graduate from college until she was twenty-seven and what her relevant experience in handling stressful situations involves and why she requires a flexible schedule, Feebs clams up, claiming she can't answer any questions. Here's a hint for next time, nimrod: Sick grandmother. Elaborate as necessary. Jackass.
Halliwell Manor. Raige raps on the front door, then enters, calling out hello. She wanders into the front hall to spot the Dolt, meditating in the lotus position in mid-air in a swirl of orbs in the middle of the parlor. It's about fifteen times as retarded and queer as it reads, if that is at all possible. "[Dolt]?" she calls hesitantly. "Waah!" cries the Dolt. He flails and goes down like a five-dollar hooker to land on his ass. Raige apologizes profusely while crossing to help him to his feet. She notes that the door was unlocked. The Dolt offers a questionable explanation for that. If they locked it, demons would simply break it down. The cost of weekly repairs would quickly bankrupt The Glamorous Ladies Of Halliwell Manor. The Dolt deserves a big old whatever for that, but you'll have to wait until the end of the recap for me to explain why. The Dolt tells Raige that Phoebe's out at the moment. Raige reveals she actually came to speak with him, "Whitelighter to part-Whitelighter." They sit, and she gets right to the point. If the Dolt as a Whitelighter can sense his charges, it follows that he can sense "good." Is it possible then that she as part-Whitelighter can sense Eeevil? Perhaps, notes the Dolt, despite her flawed logic. He asks her what gives. She fills him in on Manse Finn and her futile attempt to interest Piper and Phoebe in the possible nefarious goings-on therein. The Dolt correctly surmises that Raige wishes he would speak with the other two Ps on her behalf. He promises to do so when he "can sense their minds are in the right spot." Raige thanks him as Phoebe barrels through the front door. "Dammit!" Phoebe hollers, slamming the door behind her. "Now would not be a good time," quoth the Dolt. Shut it, moron.