Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Size Matters
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.24.2001
Eddy turns back to the coffee can, flicking it with his index finger. He slides it off the shelf onto a carving board, then drops the tiny women into the unlit kiln. Phoebe rises to her feet on the tiles immediately, but the Benz Clone remains prone, as if stunned by the fall. Eddy slams the kiln shut as we cut to Finn opening the front door. Raige continues to pleasure the lollipop. She removes it from her mouth long enough to pout, "Remember me? The girl with the melons?" Ew! Ew ew ew ew ew! The filthy fornication habits of the endangered San Francisco heterosexual, tonight on Animal Planet. When Finn wonders what brings her to the Manse, Raige explains that she's a modern kinda gal. When she see something she wants, she gives it a blowjob. Actually, she claims she "[goes] for it," but she punctuates this with a lewd suck on the lollipop. This would be somewhat amusing in that "Gay, Golem -- They All Want Blowjobs" way if it weren't so terribly disturbing. But I think I'm getting ahead of myself. "Are you always this aggressive with guys?" Finn asks, bemused. "Only the ones that I like," she responds. Given her slatternly manner at the moment, Finn could be forgiven if he interprets "the ones that I like" to mean "any male mammal with a pulse." He invites her in. She hesitates. Eddy peers through the slats in the wall and pants. Finn asks her again, and again she hesitates. Raige glances back over her shoulder to the SUV. Down in the car, Piper hisses, "Don't. Do it!" From his lair Eddy counters, "Do it!" Raige takes Finn's hand. Finn suddenly changes his mind. "On second thought, let's just go out." We get an Eddy POV as Finn eases the front door shut behind him. Piper and the Dolt watch as Raige and Finn shoot off down the street on his bike.
Eddy stalks over to the kiln, making slimy threatening noises. He stops short when he hears the shimmery sound of orbing behind him, then darts back into his hidden lair as Piper and the Dolt appear in the living room. Phoebe immediately slaps her hands against the glass of the oven, shouting her sister's name. The sound, alas, is too dim to carry. Piper and the Dolt split up to search the lower level. As she pads gently through the room, Piper's foot crunches down on the remains of the Figurine Of Torment Phoebe dropped earlier. Piper turns to a shuttered hutch and opens the doors. She finds therein row after row of Figurines Of Torment, each with a little name card in front of it. We get close-up shots of five of them, and while the hairstyles vary from Lady Bird to Goth Chick to Homecoming Princess, each has the same unnatural tilt to her head and black voids for eyes. The Dolt cautions Piper against touching the figurines, and heads upstairs to search there. Piper strides slowly past the kiln, still unaware of Phoebe's shouts. From behind the wall, Eddy brandishes a switchblade as Piper approaches. She peers through the slats, but sees nothing. The Dolt comes back in to announce that there's nothing to be found on upper level. He suggests they return to the Manor to consult the Book of Shadows. Piper blathers something about the possible need for the Power of Three before the two orb out. "Well, well. The Power of Three," Eddy oozes after they depart. He lifts the lid to the kiln to smarm at Phoebe, "So you're not just a witch, but a Charmed One. Nothing will make me happier than to collect you all." Eddy's grasping palm closes in on the camera lens as we cut to commercial.