Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Size Matters
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.24.2001
Pardon me, "The Spot," as the enormous and tacky neon sign reveals. Beat's turned the club into an unholy cross between Coyote Ugly and Hooters. Pneumatic waitresses jiggle on the bar while a variety of lowlifes bounce around the dance floor. I'm certain there are buffalo wings involved somehow. Piper and the Dolt enter, with Piper, naturally, coming perilously close to a stroke. "Look at the waitresses!" she howls, then adds, "No, don't look." She covers the Dolt's eyes with the palm of her hand. He shrugs that off, and, tilting his head, wonders, "Can you do that in public?" Ha. Ha. Not. Piper orders him to find Raige while she heads off in search of Beat. A bouncer stops her, telling her she can't enter the "VIP Lounge." She threatens to fire him or something as Beat pops up in the background to drag her in, nattering about the "fly crowd." Piper discovers from Beat that Raige was there earlier, but left because of the noise. Piper yanks the Dolt out of a writhing skank sandwich on the dance floor and pulls him behind a love seat off to the side. The two orb up out of the club and over to Chez Raige.
Piper and the Dolt orb in next to Raige's kitchenette. Finn stands with his back to them, shirtless. The lady of the house is on her knees before him. Outraged, Piper shouts her sister's name. Raige pops her head around Finn's hip to pipe, "What are you doing here?" Piper's jaw drops to the floor as the Dolt intently studies smudges of dirt on the kitchen cabinets. "This is ridiculous!" Piper exclaims. "It's like dealing with a teenager!" Piper? We all know you yourself freeze you-know-who to perform ungodly acts of you-know-what on far-too-frequent a basis, so cram it. Raige rises to her feet, casually announcing that she was just "examining something." Snerk. I know, it's tawdry. But still. Snicker. Piper yells at Raige for leaving the club to "play doctor with the demon boy." Finn's expression betrays his objection to that characterization. "He has no bellybutton!" Raige rages, cutting through Piper's customary bitching. They left P3 to return to Chez Raige because P3 now "sucks." "Anytime you try to be that hip, it ain't hip," Raige explains. Dude, that wasn't "hip" at all. It looked like Bada Bing with trashier customers and swags of white chiffon. Raige notes further that Finn lacks a navel "because he wasn't born." Finn confirms this; he was made from clay. "In Gammill's own image," the Dolt surmises. "He must be a Golem." Oy. At Piper's prompting, Finn details Gammill's M.O. He calls the fire-hose-thingy a "wand," and warns that Gammill will be certain to shrink them all should they return to the Manse. Learning that Gammill still trusts Finn, Piper formulates a plan. Finn will enter the Manse first to distract Gammill while the others ransack the place for Phoebe. Raige objects to using Finn as "a minesweeper," as he is, after all, an innocent. Piper drags Raige to one side to bicker. Piper insists that Finn can't be an innocent because he's not "real," and they need to use him to save Phoebe. Raige counters that they should return to the Manor with Finn in protective custody to search for a vanquish in the BoS. Piper turns to the Dolt, demanding he break the stalemate. The Dolt refuses. The problem as he sees it is that Piper will not consider Raige's ideas, while Raige refuses to follow Piper's advice. His solution to this conundrum? He orbs out, leaving the two to hiss and scratch at each other in a time of crisis. Loser.