Episode Report Card Jeff Long: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Flaw Week!
By Jeff Long | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.11.2005
Jayla is the first to be critiqued. Everyone agrees-- her ears are too big. Jay is apparently going to be assisting the girls on how to mask their flaws. Isn't this the opposite of what Twiggy was just saying? Anyway, he tells Jayla to twist her head in photographs. Twiggy would have just told her to get a great modeling job.
Next is Bre. She has buck teeth and the Tyra fivehead (forehead). She seems a little shocked that people think her teeth are fucked up. Jay tells her to tilt her head up. Twiggy would have told her to, I don't know, get the Marc Jacobs campaign or something. (You get where I'm going there.)
Next, Nicole is too pale. So, Jay tells her to wear sunscreen. Ooookay.
Diane needs to loosen up. One of the Factor brothers helps out with that one.
Nik has "bubble eye." She has to make sure the she is not lit from above, or else she will have a shadow under her eye. Should anyone be lit overhead? I'm just saying.
Lisa is cross-eyed. I love Jay for saying that. Lisa says, "That is so funny," as if she'd been talking to a psychic who'd just guessed the name of her childhood pet. Jay tells her to turn her head a little to the side. I tell her to wear an eye patch. She would be a great pirate.
Next is Kim. Someone thinks she has an un-toned ass and love handles. Lisa admits to writing that critique. At least Kim can see straight, bitch. Of course, that's the only straight thing she does. Jay says that Kim's narrow hips create the illusion that her waist is wider. Then, he feels her ass and declares that it is not un-toned. Consider yourself FACED, Lisa.
Kyle's neck is short. Jay's solution for her is, "You gotta work really hard to make sure your neck looks long." Thanks, Jay.
Here comes Coryn. "Your problem, Coryn," begins Jay, "...wait, is that a she-nis?" Just kidding. She's too skinny and muscular. Jay and one of the Factor Bros. say that she needs to look soft. She doesn't get that, plus she seems super-pissed at Lisa and is glaring at her while Jay is talking. In an interview, Lisa says that Coryn's being muscular and skinny is not necessarily a bad thing, but will limit her.
Now that the girls all know what to hate about themselves, Jay says that what they have learned will help them in the next photo shoot. Then, he sends them on their way, but not before we thank the Factor Bros., who, according to Jay, "rock."
Later, or earlier (I can't tell), Nicole tells us via interview that Coryn is "mad that Lisa keeps pointing out her flaws, because she's done it more than once." Captain Redundant has saved the day. Then, Coryn interviews that she wants to see Lisa "go" because she is critical of everyone and keeps putting them down. There seems to be some greater pain or anger bubbling right under the surface with Coryn, masked by a kind of lethargy. It scares me and excites me. At a makeup mirror, Coryn is applying lip gloss the way she'd apply a shiv to a prison foe. Kyle asks her what is wrong. Coryn replies, "Dumb bitches. They get on my nerves." I'm guessing she is talking about only one dumb bitch. Nice job masking what you really mean, Coryn. Right now, at home, people are like, "Who is she talking about? There is more mystery to her than meets the she-nis." Coryn continues, "This is why I don't hang around females." That, and because you're afraid they're going to sniff out the fraud. Lisa arrives on the scene and tells Coryn, "If you have a problem, why can't you confront me with it? It's just gonna make you feel bad." Coryn, sounding like she's underwater, replies, "Actually, it's making me feel better. So, you won't be talking to me or anything at all. You know, just cut off that whole thing." I think this was posed in question form, but it is really hard to tell with Coryn. Maybe she's trying to sound like she's about to fall asleep as a way of sounding nonchalant, but it is unnerving. Lisa replies, "That's fine." Kim, by the way, is sitting on the makeup table between Coryn and Lisa. As the two fighting girls are totally pissed at each other, Kim is looking at Kyle and laughing. Kim is fun. She reminds me of a young Matt Damon, circa School Ties. Coryn goes further in her interview by reminding us all that she "does not care" what Lisa thinks about her body; she only cares what the judges think: "I'm not here for [Lisa] to judge me." Very well, but the judges have told you the very same stuff that Lisa has told you, and you do not seem to be able to acknowledge that. To conclude the scene, Coryn subtly tells Lisa, "I do not like you." Okay, girls, back to your corners. Here's a commercial break so Coryn can re-tuck.