Episode Report Card Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Hero Ain't Nothing But A Sandwich
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.07.2002
In the corridor, V'Lar makes small talk about never visiting Earth but finding most humans she's encountered to be "quite unpredictable." She adds, "I would be interested in hearing about your experiences there." T'Pol brushes the Ambassador off and opens the cabin door for her. She's about to walk away when V'Lar calls her back, saying, "I sense your anger." Since when are Vulcans empaths? Oh, right, since NEVER! Next thing you know, V'Lar's going to be calling T'Pol "Little One" and talking in her brain. T'Pol tells her she's wrong in presuming that her time with humans has made her susceptible to human emotions. "They're our emotions as well, we simply hide them better," V'Lar corrects her. T'Pol tells her that if she insists on being The Daughter of the Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed, then she's not "sensing" anger from her. V'Lar looks at T'Pol intently and redials her sensory signal: "No. Disappointment." T'Pol says goodnight, Gracie and leaves.
Quantum catches up to T'Pol and asks if there's a problem between her and V'Lar which would explain her behavior at dinner. T'Pol offers to apologize to V'Lar if Quantum deems it necessary. Quantum admits that he doesn't understand Vulcans and says, "But I wouldn't be a very good captain [I think we can just stop there] if I didn't know when something was bothering my science officer." T'Pol tells him, "It's uncommon for a Vulcan to commit a crime." "Uncommon, but not unheard of," Quantum says. T'Pol tells him it's unheard of for a person of V'Lar's rank and distinction, and Quantum reminds T'Pol that they don't know what V'Lar's done. "It doesn't matter, if she were innocent, she would have insisted on staying to defend herself," T'Pol tells him. Quantum comments that T'Pol seems to know a lot about the Ambassador. T'Pol tells him that, although V'Lar showed no recognition, T'Pol met her when she was younger and blah blah blah she-was-my-idol-but-now-has-fallen-from-that-pedestal-cakes. Quantum admits to having his own hero-worship and pedestal-toppling experiences. T'Pol tells him, "Vulcans don't have heroes." We don't need another heeeero! "No, I'm sure they don't," Quantum says knowingly, giving her The Furrowed Brow Of Know Thyself. Reed comms Quantum to report to the bridge immeejately.
Bridge. Mock-weather tells Quantum that an unidentified vessel is closing in on them, and Hoshi picks up a hail. Quantum says, "Let's find out who they are." A Mazarite captain appears on-screen and tells them that, due to a change in plans, they need the Ambassador back. Furrowed Brows Of Are You Trying to Put One Over On Me? settle on Quantum's face as he comments that they weren't contacted about the change in plans. Captain Mazarite tells him smoothly that they're experiencing technical difficulties with their comm systems. Quantum asks why they want V'Lar back, and Captain Mazarite says the magistrate wants more Q&A sessions. Quantum questions the fact that the magistrate was so anxious to get rid of V'Lar, only to chase her down again. Captain Mazarite chuckles, "I'm just a transport captain, I never try to make sense of what government bureaucrats are thinking." Quantum tells him he's going to check with his own superiors first. Captain Mazarite stops chuckling, but keeps a smile pasted on his face and says there's really no need for that. "I'm just a starship captain, you don't think they trust me to make these kinds of decisions on my own?" Quantum asks. I don't, for one, but then, I'm amazed they let him go to the bathroom on his own. Captain Mazarite tells him they'll wait to hear from him, and hangs up. Quantum pauses, Furrowed Brow Of Rising Action waiting in the wings for Furrowed Brow Of Conflicting Facts to exit stage left, and tells Hoshi to get Starfleet Command on the horn. Hoshi reports that their signals are being jammed by the Mazarite ship. "'Just a transport captain,'" Quantum repeats derisively. Malcolm reports that the Mazarite ship is charging their weapons, and Quantum orders the hull polarized. Given we know how long it can take for the hull plating to be polarized, don't you think it might be a good idea to have the hull plating polarized all the time? Enterprise is rocked by blasts as the pursuing Mazarite ship blasts them from behind.
Bridge. More blasts. Quantum asks, "What the hell does he think he's doing?" Um, firing on you? Just a guess. He tells Hoshi to hail them, she does, they don't answer. More blasts. Reed reports that the port hull plating is offline and Mayweather says, "They're closing fast." Quantum orders Reed to return fire with the aft torpedoes. "No effect," Reed says. "They're using some kind of energy shielding." T'Pol reports a direct hit to Engineering and that they've taken damage. Quantum pauses, The Furrowed Brow Of Tough Decision-Making doing its stand-up routine, and asks Reed if their phase cannons would be more effective. Given that it is a truth universally acknowledged that cannons are bigger guns than torpedoes in "Silent Enemy," I'm hazarding a yes to that one. Reed agrees with me, with one caveat: "We can't fire them at warp," he says. Quantum doesn't catch his drift. "Particle discharge, sir. It would destabilize our warp field and most likely blow out both nacelles," Reed explains. He's in the middle of saying that he's been working on the problem when the ship takes another hit. Quantum orders that they slow to impulse and deploy the aft cannon. Hull view of Enterprise shows a gadget the size of a cam-corder taking position. Reed fires and reports the Mazarite shields failing. "See what you can do about their engines," Quantum orders. Reed does and reports, "They're dead in the water." Enterprise shudders from another blast. "Not dead enough!" Hoshi exclaims. Quantum tells Muck-weather to resume their course at warp four. "Any idea what that was about?" Quantum asks T'Pol accusingly. Because, again, anything pertaining to the Vulcans is quite obviously all her fault. T'Pol just stares at him until Quantum says, "Well, I think we know someone who might."