Episode Report Card Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Hero Ain't Nothing But A Sandwich
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.07.2002
Quantum's Ready Room. V'Lar says she has to consider the possibility that the mission will fail, and Quantum reminds her that he doesn't know what exactly the mission is. V'Lar says that it wasn't only her top secret orders that have been keeping the mission top secret; the fact that she didn't entirely trust Quantum had something to do with it as well. After going back and forth on V'Lar's reasons to be wary of placing trust in humans -- which go all the way back to Earth's application to join "the interstellar community" right after they came out of a global war -- V'Lar tells Quantum what her Mazarite mission is. The Mazarites pursuing them are members of an organized criminal class who have infiltrated all levels of the Mazarite government, accumulating great wealth and power along the way at the expense of "many innocent victims." V'Lar goes on to explain that this Mazar-afia eliminates all who get in their way, including herself. Yawn. Apparently, the non-Mazar-afia wanted this criminal class purged from their society, and asked the Vulcans for help. So, V'Lar was sent to gather evidence, and would enter the Vul-ness Protection Program for three months until she was needed to testify. Quantum still can't grasp why he couldn't have been given top-secret security clearance. I still can't grasp why he can't grasp that the more people who know about a top-secret mission, the less it is top-secrety and the more it becomes public-knowledgey. Who on Surak's red Vulcan does he think he is, anyway? So, the rumor that V'Lar committed a criminal offense was perpetuated in order to make the Mazar-afia think she wouldn't be called upon as a credible witness. They figured that was enough for the Mazar-afia to leave her alone. Apparently, they figured erroneously. V'Lar says she can no longer put Quantum and crew at risk, and asks that he drop out of warp so that she can surrender to the Mazar-afia. Quantum tells her, "It hasn't gotten to that yet," and then goes to The Weight Of The Universe On My Shoulders Window and ponders. V'Lar insists, "It's the most logical course of action." Quantum stops pondering to smile and say, "If you've learned anything about humans, you'd know that we don't always take 'the most logical course of action.'" T'Pol recalls Quantum to the bridge.
Bridge. Hoshi tells him that the Mazar-afia is hailing them, and T'Pol tells him that they can't hold at warp four-point-nine for more than ten minutes. Reed reports, "I don't believe they can either, sir. They're releasing drive plasma to keep their warp cores from overloading." Quantum tells Hoshi to answer the phone. Captain Mazar-afia greets them with a smile and tells them that their engines are overheating. "So're yours," Quantum says in an I'm Rubber And You're Glue voice. Captain Mazar-afia says that if he coughs up the Vulcan, the humans are free to go. "I have a better idea, why don't you slow down before your engines explode," Quantum says. Reed snickers at this. Captain Mazar-afia persists; Quantum refuses and hangs up on him. Mercedes-weather announces that the Mazar-afia cavalcade is increasing to four-point-nine-five, and Reed says they're re-entering firing range again. Quantum comms engineering. "Please tell me you're ready to slow down," Trip grumbles. Quantum tells him they need a little more speed. "I don't know how much I kin give yew," Trip says. "It's called a warp five engine," Quantum reminds him. "On paper!" Trip snorts. Hee. Quantum tells him quietly that they don't have any choice, and Trip aye-sirs him. Quantum offers up his seat to the Vulcan Ambassador, looks at T'Pol, and tells Mitsubishi-weather to increase to warp five. Drawing out the non-tension, Minivan-weather says, "Four-point-nine-three, nine-five." The ship begins to tremble the way my Vomit Comet did when I went above forty-five mph. "Fly her apart, then!" Mathra-Sulu shrieks. In Engineering, Trip wraps an Ace bandage around the warp core and shouts orders. On the bridge, Milk-Cart-weather continues with the count, "Four-point-nine-seven." Reed reports that the Mazar-afia is matching them count for count. "Four-point-nine-nine," Mule-Pack-weather continues. "Warp five!" He smiles at Quantum, who Furrow-Smiles back as the ship begins to rattle back and forth. Trip hooks the warp core up to a plasma I.V. Geddit? Blood plasma? Plasma fuel? Man, I crack myself up.