Episode Report Card Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Hero Ain't Nothing But A Sandwich
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.07.2002
T'Pol enters the Mess Hall and finds V'Lar talking with Hoshi at one of the windows. T'Pol hopes she's not interrupting, and Hoshi tells her they were just discussing her quarters. "I was wondering why they were so sparsely decorated," V'Lar says. T'Pol says they can bring her anything she needs, but V'Lar doesn't want to be waited on. "And since I doubt I'll be traveling to Earth anytime soon, I decided to spend a little time with my hosts." V'Lar turns to Hoshi and says, "Thank you for the use of your quarters, you'll have them back soon enough." Hoshi bids V'Lar adieu in Vulcan and leaves. "Have you tried iced tea?" V'Lar asks T'Pol, who tells her she doesn't "care for it." "Captain Archer certainly does," V'Lar says in that tone of voice parents reserve for their children when they say things like, "Your sister gets good grades in school, why can't you?" V'Lar goes on to say that the tea is flavored with passion fruit -- "An appropriate ingredient for him, don't you think?" What is she now, T'Pol's mother? Next thing you know she's going to be rearranging T'Pol's hair and asking why she's not married yet. T'Pol ignores Quantum's fruit, telling V'Lar she's come to talk to her about the captain. T'Pol explains Quantum's longstanding grudge with the Vulcans, and requests that V'Lar come clean with him so that he can start accepting that the Vulcans aren't such a bad bunch after all. If not, he will never find a reason to trust their people. With a touch of asperity in her voice, V'Lar reminds T'Pol that she's made a career of earning the trust of others, and T'Pol apologizes if offense was taken. "Of course not, you're simply speaking your mind. As you always have," V'Lar says. T'Pol raises her eyebrows at this. V'Lar says that she well remembers T'Pol as a tyke, coming up to her with presumptuous questions about V'Lar's negotiating tactics. "I apologize if I acted inappropriately," T'Pol says. "Not at all. In fact, your bluntness made me reconsider some of my positions. Much as it has now," V'Lar admits. In a pig's eye! V'Lar whispers impressively that she has something to tell T'Pol. Sheesh, I was kidding about the mother bit! Actually, it's another one of those off-camera revelations.
Quantum's cabin. Quantum sits on his bed -- in his stocking feet -- and plays with Porthos. T'Pol walks in and tells him she "took the liberty of speaking with Ambassador V'Lar." Quantum shoos Porthos off his bed and gives T'Pol his full attention and his stinky feet. Stop sitting like that -- you look shorter! It undermines your position more than your acting does. T'Pol explains that she and the ambassador chewed the cellulite for two hours, and T'Pol realized that V'Lar is even more remarkable than she ever dared hope. "I don't doubt that," Quantum says, swinging his feet off his bed, "but it doesn't affect my decision." "I believe it should," T'Pol says. "She's not guilty of the crime she's been accused of." "She told you that?" Quantum asks, making sure the water polo ball behind his head is squarely in the shot. T'Pol explains that the charge was invented as a way to get V'Lar off the planet and divert attention from her real mission. "Which is?" Quantum asks, fiddling with his shoes. T'Pol says V'Lar can't reveal her mission. Quantum looks at T'Pol and sighs. "But she's convinced me that it's critical we help her accomplish it," T'Pol says. Quantum says he's gonna need more than that to change his mind. T'Pol tells him that if they return V'Lar to Mazar, they'll kill her. Quantum wants to know who's going to kill her, and T'Pol tells him V'Lar wouldn't say, but she believes her because V'Lar wouldn't sacrifice "a lifetime of accomplishments with an act of criminal misconduct." Quantum assures T'Pol that "it happens all the time." "Not to her," T'Pol argues. "We must take her to the Sh'Raan." Turning his back on her, Quantum reminds T'Pol how dangerous a journey that would be to take, based only on a few hours' chat with V'Lar. T'Pol steps forward and says, "Captain," her voice cracks. Quantum turns around. "Since I've served aboard Enterprise I've never asked you for anything. I'm asking for this now. Don't return the Ambassador to Mazar. Please," T'Pol says. Quantum Furrows and nods. T'Pol thanks him shakily. Even though I believe this scene showed Blalock to be much more than almond eyes and a bra size, I take issue with the fact that they wrote her character's voice to crack with emotion. As I've said before, if they are going to trot out this Vulcan's barely suppressed emotions every few episodes, it lessens the impact on the audience more and more. Instead of The Boy Who Cried Wolf, it'll just be the Vulcan Who Cried. No one's going to listen anymore. Also, why does it take all this convincing for Quantum to decide against delivering V'Lar into the hands of her executioners? How many times in other episodes has he unquestioningly sided with the species that whines they're being hunted, wrongfully imprisoned, or hung upside down to be drained of all bodily fluids? For everyone who's heralding this episode to be The Messiah of Continuity, I have to vehemently disagree. There's absolutely no reason, not even his Vulcan prejudice, for Quantum not to have pushed on to drop V'Lar at the rendezvous point, regardless of the Mazarite pursuit.
Three Mazarite ships pursue and fire at Enterprise. The starboard nacelle takes a direct hit. Quantum falls onto the bridge and asks why they didn't see the ships coming. Hoshi tells him their aft sensors are "still out of alignment." Sparks fly on the bridge, and T'Pol reports that the enemy ships are targeting their engines. Reed suggests dropping out of warp to use the cannons again, but Quantum doesn't like the odds, so he asks T'Pol how fast the Mazarites can go. T'Pol says their engines are "comparable to Starfleet" and doesn't believe they can go above warp five. Quantum orders Maserati-weather to put his foot on the gas and bring them to warp four-point-eight. T'Pol informs him that the Mazarites are matching them and increasing their own speed to four-point-nine. Reed starts a closing-in countdown, and Quantum gives Mazda-weather the prompt to speed up to four-point-nine. The hull starts to groan under the pressure. Mercury Comet-weather reports that at their current speed, they'll reach the rendezvous point in two hours, but he doesn't think they can hold together for that long. New drinking game rule: slam on every time they say the word "rendezvous." Quantum asks if they can reach out and touch the Vulcans, but Hoshi says their signals are still being jammed. "Keep trying," Quantum tells her, and turns to T'Pol to say, "That Vulcan ship better not be late." Because if they are, it's clearly your fault, T'Pol! I think someone needs to inform Captain Lame-Butt that the Vulcan people do not function as a collective. V'Lar arrives on the bridge and asks what's going on. Quantum tells her about the migs on their tail, and V'Lar wonders if they will reach the Sh'Raan without incurring more damage. "I'm not sure," Quantum tells her. V'Lar looks at T'Pol and then back at Quantum to say, "In that case, I need to speak with you." Flashbacks to The Lady Vanishes when, unsure if the train will make it to the border in time, Dame May Whitty has to make Michael Redgrave memorize a top secret tune.