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Enterprise brings aboard a Vulcan ambassador with A Past. That aforementioned Past rushes to catch up with her and Quantum helps her by pushing his tin can to (gasp!) warp FIVE! Wait, didn't you hear me? I said "WARP FIVE!!" This keeps Trip busy slapping band-aids on the engine, and Reed casually mentions that he likes shooting other people. On Brown Noser Deck, T'Pol spends a lot of the episode apologizing to the Ambassador for the way Hoshi's quarters smell, and Phlox cries. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Oh! Oh! We missed something wacky that rapscallion T'Pol said, because Trip and Quantum are choking on their food and she's looking at them With Rais'd Eyebrow. "'Scuse me?" Trip splutters. "I asked if you --" T'Pol starts to say, but Quantum finally gets his voice cleared of food and interrupts, "We heard you! What makes you think we're suffering from a lack of sexual activity?" T'Pol explains that Starfleet forbids officers from "fraternizing" with subordinates. "So unless you're violating those regulations…" T'Pol says, only to be interrupted by Trip saying, "Those regulations don't apply to you [here he exchanges leers with Quantum], have you been suffering?" "On Vulcan we mate only once every seven years," T'Pol states calmly. "That's a helluva dry spell," Trip sniggers. Um, hi? Yeah, I do believe Kov told you and Reed that very same little factoid in "Fusion." I was willing to overlook the fact that the Vulcan mating cycle is supposed to be a really DEEP, DARK, PRIVATE SECRET, because it's obvious Bermaga just don't care, but Christ on a Cracker, at least plug in long enough to recall that Trip is supposed to already KNOW about the freakin' "dry spell"! How's THAT for Continuity Yay!? Quantum does little to suppress his own sniggering, and asks why T'Pol's concerned about it. "It's my understanding that your mating ritual is effective in easing tension," T'Pol informs him. "That hasn't always bin my experience," Trip leches. "That might be because Malcolm always steals yer wimmin, fool!" Mathra says, pausing momentarily in his root datum computation. Quantum tries to control himself by acting more wooden than is his wont, and asks why T'Pol thinks they have tensions in need of easing. T'Pol notes that the crew's efficiency is down by three percent. "We've all gone about ten months without a break, I think it's normal for people to get a little sloppy," Quantum says, as Bermaga briefly inhabits the captain's body to make a point. T'Pol suggests a shore leave is in order, and says that she's researched "suitable planets" in the area and stumbled over an anvil called Risa. Trip worries what the Vulcan definition of "suitable" is. T'Pol tells them the planet's tropical with a bevy of perfect beaches and perfect bodies, all willing to do their best to ease tensions. Trip acts a little more lascivious than is necessary with a coffee cup.
Sing. Sing a song. Make it stupid. To last your whole night long. Don't worry if it's not good enough for anyone else to stand. Just sing. Sing a song.
Trip appears on the bridge in a civvies shirt so loud you could hear it in outer space. Quantum does a double-take, and T'Pol says, "If you're wearing that to impress the women on Risa, you may as well stay on board." Heh. "Rule nummer wun, you gotta be seen to git noticed, and I plan on gettin' noticed, " Trip smirks. Quite the Oscar Wilde with those bon mots, isn't he? "Don't say she didn't warn ya," Quantum says. Trip asks Quantum if he's figured out his itinerary yet, and Quantum says he's going to give Planet Anvil a pass. Because he's Captain Indomitable, and he doesn't need rest. Trip protests that Captain Iron Knickers needs this as much as he does. "No one needs this as much as you do," Quantum says. Is he saying that Trip's complexion could use a little help? Because, in front of the bridge crew, that's a little tacky. Quantum goes on to say that the ship will be quiet and he has some dusty volumes of technobabble piling up, so it will be pleasant to get some work done. "We're goin' to a planet with over two hunnerd registered Nuvian masseuses, and yer gonna sit in your cabin with a bunch of star charts," Trip says. T'Pol steps in to say that Trip's drool has a point. Quantum turns to her: "You think I need a massage." T'Pol states that the safety of the crew and ship rests in his needing-rest-to-be-efficient hands. Quantum hem-haws that he supposes he can take his tomes to a beach and read them. *Cough* what a nerd *cough*. Breep-breep. T'Pol reports they have a call coming in from Starfleet Command. "Transfer it to my Ready Room," Quantum says, heaving himself out of his chair. How is it that Kirk got away with not having a Ready Room? He should have asked for it as a signing bonus.
Quantum's Ready Room. Admiral Forrest tells Quantum they need to bring aboard V'Lar, a Vulcan ambassador who's been ambassadoring on Mazar. Quantum, never one to want to help that green-blooded race, asks why they need be involved. Forrest explains that it's "imperative" V'Lar be removed from Mazar ASAP, but the closest Vulcan vessel is a week away. To Quantum's further query, Forrest tells him they'll rendezvous with the Sh'Raan, who will take the ambassadress back to Vulcan. Quantum wants to know the cause for the urgency. "Well, this may come as a surprise to you, Jon, but the Vulcans aren't talking," Forrest smiles. "Imagine that," Quantum -- well, I'd like to say "Quantum deadpans," but when he's not Of The Furrowed Brow, he's always deadpanning, so there's little point to mentioning it.
Cabin. Hoshi packs a bag, while T'Pol looks on and thanks her for volunteering her cabin for V'Lar's use. Hoshi says, "I'm happy to do it. I look forward to meeting her." T'Pol squashes that notion by telling her that she suspects V'Lar will be disposed to spend most of the journey alone, meditating. "But if it's appropriate, I'll ask if she'll meet with you," T'Pol concedes to her disciple. Hoshi thanks her, tells her she's at her disposal, and goes to leave, but T'Pol stops her and asks her to remove a photograph. "Ambassador V'Lar is accustomed to a Spartan environment," T'Pol drones. Hoshi pauses a moment as if she's going to comment, decides against it, and removes the photograph. On her way out, Quantum is on his way in. Instead of letting her out of the cabin first, he actually pushes by Hoshi and enters the cabin, thanking her for giving up her cabin. I wouldn't have mentioned something that seems so minor, but to me it's the little things that are done seemingly unconsciously that really define a character. If Quantum was polite, he would have stepped aside to let Hoshi leave, as she so clearly is about to do, before entering the cabin. It's the same rule with entering and exiting elevators or public transportation. And I guess that's why I remark on it, because every day I notice the people who push onto elevators or subway cars before people have a chance to get off, and they strike me as being the inordinately rude and selfish types. Okay, rant over for now, but that kind of stuff really sticks in the small spaces between my molars and festers there. Hoshi snarks that she hopes her cabin is "Spartan enough," and throws T'Pol an amused look before leaving. T'Pol hands over her e-pad and says, "I've prepared this to familiarize the crew with the necessary protocols. We should assign a steward to attend to her needs." Quantum reads aloud from T'Pol's e-pad, "'Don't address the Ambassador unless spoken to first. Don't offer to shake hands. Refrain from laughing in her presence.'" Sounds like the mantra of Itchy, The Evil Managing Editor at my receding publishing company job. T'Pol concedes that her list is merely precautionary, as she doesn't believe the Ambassador will be very accessible to the crew at large. Quantum comments that she's "pulling out all the stops." But T'Pol corrects him saying that she's just following protocol used for "an ambassador of V'Lar's distinction." Quantum tells her to let him know if he can help, and leaves. T'Pol sniffs the air and grimaces. Yeah, Quantum had that concentrated look on his face like he was cutting the cheese.
Bridge. May-Horton-Hears-A-Who reports that they've entered orbit around Mazar, and Hoshi picks up a hail from the Mazarite High Council. I wonder how they're going to show that this culture isn't allowed to cut their hair, drink wine, or be defiled by the presence of a corpse. Wait, I think I'm thinking of the Nazarites. From the Bible. A Mazarite appears on the viewscreen and asks if they're ready to sign for the delivery of one Vulcan Ambassador. Quantum tells him to send their landing coordinates and they'll be right down. He adds that they're looking forward to visiting with the Mazarites. The High Counselor tells him there's no time for larking about on their planet; V'Lar is already on her way to Enterprise. That's Mayweather's cue to report the sudden approach of a "small craft." Quantum doesn't understand what all the haste is about. "V'Lar has been expelled for abuse of her position and criminal misconduct," High Counselor tells him. Quantum lobs a look in T'Pol's direction.
Corridor. The airlock doors open and V'Lar -- a grey-haired Vulcan of matronly proportions -- steps aboard and greets Quantum. Quantum welcomes her. V'Lar thanks him and sticks out her hand. T'Pol looks surprised, and Quantum awkwardly shakes her hand. Quantum pins on The Furrowed Brow Of Conflicting Information and takes the Ambassador's overnight bag before passing out introductions. V'Lar does the same awkward hand-shaking with Trip, and T'Pol says a few words in their shared tongue. V'Lar tongues a few words back but then says she wants to practice her English. With all the brow-furrowing currently taking place on Quantum's face, he's going to need Botox injections every hour for the rest of his life when this series is over.
Captain's Table. Quantum hopes V'Lar approves of her cabin, mentioning that T'Pol took great pains to cater to her habits. "Fortunately, my needs are few, Captain," V'Lar says. "I am curious, though. Who previously occupied the cabin?" T'Pol immediately says, "The odor. The human scent is difficult to mask." V'Lar says she just wanted the opportunity to thank the crewmember who graciously vacated the premises for her. "I prefer not to inconvenience anyone if possible. That philosophy has served me well in the diplomatic service," V'Lar explains. "T'Pol tells me you negotiated the first territorial accords between Vulcan and Andoria," Quantum says. Yeah, those lasted long. In a non-sequitur, V'Lar says, "The Andorians required a somewhat firmer hand at the negotiating table. But I was younger then. That was before we even made contact with Earth." Trip notes, "That was over ninety years ago," and asks how long she's been a diplomat. "Commander Tucker, I understood that on your world it's considered bad manners to ask a lady her age," V'Lar says mock-protestingly. Trip stumbles over his lips, trying to apologize, until V'Lar puts him at ease by saying she was only flirting -- I mean, "teasing." Trip's relieved, and V'Lar says, "Suffice it to say that between T'Pol and myself here, you are almost certainly dining with the two oldest people on this ship." Trip grins at T'Pol, who ignores him and says, "I hope, Ambassador, that you regard the charges against you with less levity." V'Lar says of course she does, and T'Pol asks how she intends to defend herself. "There is no defense," V'Lar states. "Are you saying you're guilty?" T'Pol demands. Quantum tries to shush her, but V'Lar stops him and says, "A person in my position carries the trust of all Vulcans. The fact that the Mazarites believe that trust has been compromised justifies T'Pol's concern." T'Pol looks down at her plate as Quantum and Trip stare at her. V'Lar asks Quantum's permission to be excused. Trip and Quantum rise from the table as she gets up. Belatedly, T'Pol rises as well, and V'Lar looks her straight in the eye before leaving the room. T'Pol follows.
In the corridor, V'Lar makes small talk about never visiting Earth but finding most humans she's encountered to be "quite unpredictable." She adds, "I would be interested in hearing about your experiences there." T'Pol brushes the Ambassador off and opens the cabin door for her. She's about to walk away when V'Lar calls her back, saying, "I sense your anger." Since when are Vulcans empaths? Oh, right, since NEVER! thing you know, V'Lar's going to be calling T'Pol "Little One" and talking in her brain. T'Pol tells her she's wrong in presuming that her time with humans has made her susceptible to human emotions. "They're our emotions as well, we simply hide them better," V'Lar corrects her. T'Pol tells her that if she insists on being The Daughter of the Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed, then she's not "sensing" anger from her. V'Lar looks at T'Pol intently and redials her sensory signal: "No. Disappointment." T'Pol says goodnight, Gracie and leaves.
Quantum catches up to T'Pol and asks if there's a problem between her and V'Lar which would explain her behavior at dinner. T'Pol offers to apologize to V'Lar if Quantum deems it necessary. Quantum admits that he doesn't understand Vulcans and says, "But I wouldn't be a very good captain [I think we can just stop there] if I didn't know when something was bothering my science officer." T'Pol tells him, "It's uncommon for a Vulcan to commit a crime." "Uncommon, but not unheard of," Quantum says. T'Pol tells him it's unheard of for a person of V'Lar's rank and distinction, and Quantum reminds T'Pol that they don't know what V'Lar's done. "It doesn't matter, if she were innocent, she would have insisted on staying to defend herself," T'Pol tells him. Quantum comments that T'Pol seems to know a lot about the Ambassador. T'Pol tells him that, although V'Lar showed no recognition, T'Pol met her when she was younger and blah blah blah she-was-my-idol-but-now-has-fallen-from-that-pedestal-cakes. Quantum admits to having his own hero-worship and pedestal-toppling experiences. T'Pol tells him, "Vulcans don't have heroes." We don't need another heeeero! "No, I'm sure they don't," Quantum says knowingly, giving her The Furrowed Brow Of Know Thyself. Reed comms Quantum to report to the bridge immeejately.
Bridge. Mock-weather tells Quantum that an unidentified vessel is closing in on them, and Hoshi picks up a hail. Quantum says, "Let's find out who they are." A Mazarite captain appears on-screen and tells them that, due to a change in plans, they need the Ambassador back. Furrowed Brows Of Are You Trying to Put One Over On Me? settle on Quantum's face as he comments that they weren't contacted about the change in plans. Captain Mazarite tells him smoothly that they're experiencing technical difficulties with their comm systems. Quantum asks why they want V'Lar back, and Captain Mazarite says the magistrate wants more Q&A sessions. Quantum questions the fact that the magistrate was so anxious to get rid of V'Lar, only to chase her down again. Captain Mazarite chuckles, "I'm just a transport captain, I never try to make sense of what government bureaucrats are thinking." Quantum tells him he's going to check with his own superiors first. Captain Mazarite stops chuckling, but keeps a smile pasted on his face and says there's really no need for that. "I'm just a starship captain, you don't think they trust me to make these kinds of decisions on my own?" Quantum asks. I don't, for one, but then, I'm amazed they let him go to the bathroom on his own. Captain Mazarite tells him they'll wait to hear from him, and hangs up. Quantum pauses, Furrowed Brow Of Rising Action waiting in the wings for Furrowed Brow Of Conflicting Facts to exit stage left, and tells Hoshi to get Starfleet Command on the horn. Hoshi reports that their signals are being jammed by the Mazarite ship. "'Just a transport captain,'" Quantum repeats derisively. Malcolm reports that the Mazarite ship is charging their weapons, and Quantum orders the hull polarized. Given we know how long it can take for the hull plating to be polarized, don't you think it might be a good idea to have the hull plating polarized all the time? Enterprise is rocked by blasts as the pursuing Mazarite ship blasts them from behind.
Bridge. More blasts. Quantum asks, "What the hell does he think he's doing?" Um, firing on you? Just a guess. He tells Hoshi to hail them, she does, they don't answer. More blasts. Reed reports that the port hull plating is offline and Mayweather says, "They're closing fast." Quantum orders Reed to return fire with the aft torpedoes. "No effect," Reed says. "They're using some kind of energy shielding." T'Pol reports a direct hit to Engineering and that they've taken damage. Quantum pauses, The Furrowed Brow Of Tough Decision-Making doing its stand-up routine, and asks Reed if their phase cannons would be more effective. Given that it is a truth universally acknowledged that cannons are bigger guns than torpedoes in "Silent Enemy," I'm hazarding a yes to that one. Reed agrees with me, with one caveat: "We can't fire them at warp," he says. Quantum doesn't catch his drift. "Particle discharge, sir. It would destabilize our warp field and most likely blow out both nacelles," Reed explains. He's in the middle of saying that he's been working on the problem when the ship takes another hit. Quantum orders that they slow to impulse and deploy the aft cannon. Hull view of Enterprise shows a gadget the size of a cam-corder taking position. Reed fires and reports the Mazarite shields failing. "See what you can do about their engines," Quantum orders. Reed does and reports, "They're dead in the water." Enterprise shudders from another blast. "Not dead enough!" Hoshi exclaims. Quantum tells Muck-weather to resume their course at warp four. "Any idea what that was about?" Quantum asks T'Pol accusingly. Because, again, anything pertaining to the Vulcans is quite obviously all her fault. T'Pol just stares at him until Quantum says, "Well, I think we know someone who might."
Hoshi/V'Lar's quarters. Quantum paces while T'Pol stands and V'Lar sits. Quantum wants the truth, but V'Lar doesn't think he can handle the truth. All she'll say is that the pursuing Mazarite ship was not sent by the council on Mazar. After A Look from Quantum, T'Pol tells V'Lar that it would be illogical for her to withhold information from them. V'Lar plays her Secret Diplomatic Matters card, but then over-trumps herself by taking the trick with the The More You Know, The More Danger You're In card. Quantum wants to know how much more danger they could be in, since they could've ruptured their hull in that last firefight. V'Lar apologizes, but refuses to reveal anything. Quantum says he is left with no choice, and comms Menk-weather to set a course back for Mazar. V'Lar reminds him that he has strict orders to deliver her to the Sh'Raan. Quantum says, "It's more than two days to the rendezvous point, and there could be other hostile ships tracking us. Unless you can convince me why it's worth risking all our lives…" V'Lar doesn't say anything, so Quantum leaves. After giving V'Lar One Last Long Look, T'Pol also leaves.
Quantum's Ready Room. Admiral Forrest tells Quantum, "The Vulcans are raising holy hell about this, Jon." Quantum, pacing, tells Forrest he can always order him to schlepp V'Lar to the rendezvous point. "You're out there, I'm not -- it's your call. I just want you to know there will be repercussions," Forrest warns. "They certainly considered the repercussions. They knew someone was after her; why risk one of their own ships when they can risk ours?!" Quantum thunders. Forrest tries to calm him down, but Quantum shouts, "They're doing it again, Admiral, keeping us in the dark!" Forrest asks if he's talked to V'Lar himself, and Quantum tells him she won't talk. "Well, maybe she brought this on herself. You did say she admitted the charges against her were true," Forrest muses. Quantum whines that he doesn't even know what the charges are, so Forrest says he'll talk to Soval and see what he can get out of him.
Engineering. Trip comments to Reed that he must really enjoy having people shoot at them. "If you must know, I much prefer the shooting back part," Reed says. Trip says he thought their mission was supposed to be about "peaceful exploration." Reed says, "I need SOME-thing to do on this ship, Commander." I'm sure Dominic Keating directed that comment straight at TPTB. Trip agrees but says he hopes Reed's work slacks off a bit, adding, "I read those Nuvian masseuses have twelve fingers." Reed's makes noises to indicate that he's slightly impressed. "On each hand," Trip says, driving his point home. "Then I'd say Starfleet needs to make its presence known on Risa," Reed says. Trip agrees.
T'Pol enters the Mess Hall and finds V'Lar talking with Hoshi at one of the windows. T'Pol hopes she's not interrupting, and Hoshi tells her they were just discussing her quarters. "I was wondering why they were so sparsely decorated," V'Lar says. T'Pol says they can bring her anything she needs, but V'Lar doesn't want to be waited on. "And since I doubt I'll be traveling to Earth anytime soon, I decided to spend a little time with my hosts." V'Lar turns to Hoshi and says, "Thank you for the use of your quarters, you'll have them back soon enough." Hoshi bids V'Lar adieu in Vulcan and leaves. "Have you tried iced tea?" V'Lar asks T'Pol, who tells her she doesn't "care for it." "Captain Archer certainly does," V'Lar says in that tone of voice parents reserve for their children when they say things like, "Your sister gets good grades in school, why can't you?" V'Lar goes on to say that the tea is flavored with passion fruit -- "An appropriate ingredient for him, don't you think?" What is she now, T'Pol's mother? thing you know she's going to be rearranging T'Pol's hair and asking why she's not married yet. T'Pol ignores Quantum's fruit, telling V'Lar she's come to talk to her about the captain. T'Pol explains Quantum's longstanding grudge with the Vulcans, and requests that V'Lar come clean with him so that he can start accepting that the Vulcans aren't such a bad bunch after all. If not, he will never find a reason to trust their people. With a touch of asperity in her voice, V'Lar reminds T'Pol that she's made a career of earning the trust of others, and T'Pol apologizes if offense was taken. "Of course not, you're simply speaking your mind. As you always have," V'Lar says. T'Pol raises her eyebrows at this. V'Lar says that she well remembers T'Pol as a tyke, coming up to her with presumptuous questions about V'Lar's negotiating tactics. "I apologize if I acted inappropriately," T'Pol says. "Not at all. In fact, your bluntness made me reconsider some of my positions. Much as it has now," V'Lar admits. In a pig's eye! V'Lar whispers impressively that she has something to tell T'Pol. Sheesh, I was kidding about the mother bit! Actually, it's another one of those off-camera revelations.
Quantum's cabin. Quantum sits on his bed -- in his stocking feet -- and plays with Porthos. T'Pol walks in and tells him she "took the liberty of speaking with Ambassador V'Lar." Quantum shoos Porthos off his bed and gives T'Pol his full attention and his stinky feet. Stop sitting like that -- you look shorter! It undermines your position more than your acting does. T'Pol explains that she and the ambassador chewed the cellulite for two hours, and T'Pol realized that V'Lar is even more remarkable than she ever dared hope. "I don't doubt that," Quantum says, swinging his feet off his bed, "but it doesn't affect my decision." "I believe it should," T'Pol says. "She's not guilty of the crime she's been accused of." "She told you that?" Quantum asks, making sure the water polo ball behind his head is squarely in the shot. T'Pol explains that the charge was invented as a way to get V'Lar off the planet and divert attention from her real mission. "Which is?" Quantum asks, fiddling with his shoes. T'Pol says V'Lar can't reveal her mission. Quantum looks at T'Pol and sighs. "But she's convinced me that it's critical we help her accomplish it," T'Pol says. Quantum says he's gonna need more than that to change his mind. T'Pol tells him that if they return V'Lar to Mazar, they'll kill her. Quantum wants to know who's going to kill her, and T'Pol tells him V'Lar wouldn't say, but she believes her because V'Lar wouldn't sacrifice "a lifetime of accomplishments with an act of criminal misconduct." Quantum assures T'Pol that "it happens all the time." "Not to her," T'Pol argues. "We must take her to the Sh'Raan." Turning his back on her, Quantum reminds T'Pol how dangerous a journey that would be to take, based only on a few hours' chat with V'Lar. T'Pol steps forward and says, "Captain," her voice cracks. Quantum turns around. "Since I've served aboard Enterprise I've never asked you for anything. I'm asking for this now. Don't return the Ambassador to Mazar. Please," T'Pol says. Quantum Furrows and nods. T'Pol thanks him shakily. Even though I believe this scene showed Blalock to be much more than almond eyes and a bra size, I take issue with the fact that they wrote her character's voice to crack with emotion. As I've said before, if they are going to trot out this Vulcan's barely suppressed emotions every few episodes, it lessens the impact on the audience more and more. Instead of The Boy Who Cried Wolf, it'll just be the Vulcan Who Cried. No one's going to listen anymore. Also, why does it take all this convincing for Quantum to decide against delivering V'Lar into the hands of her executioners? How many times in other episodes has he unquestioningly sided with the species that whines they're being hunted, wrongfully imprisoned, or hung upside down to be drained of all bodily fluids? For everyone who's heralding this episode to be The Messiah of Continuity, I have to vehemently disagree. There's absolutely no reason, not even his Vulcan prejudice, for Quantum not to have pushed on to drop V'Lar at the rendezvous point, regardless of the Mazarite pursuit.
Three Mazarite ships pursue and fire at Enterprise. The starboard nacelle takes a direct hit. Quantum falls onto the bridge and asks why they didn't see the ships coming. Hoshi tells him their aft sensors are "still out of alignment." Sparks fly on the bridge, and T'Pol reports that the enemy ships are targeting their engines. Reed suggests dropping out of warp to use the cannons again, but Quantum doesn't like the odds, so he asks T'Pol how fast the Mazarites can go. T'Pol says their engines are "comparable to Starfleet" and doesn't believe they can go above warp five. Quantum orders Maserati-weather to put his foot on the gas and bring them to warp four-point-eight. T'Pol informs him that the Mazarites are matching them and increasing their own speed to four-point-nine. Reed starts a closing-in countdown, and Quantum gives Mazda-weather the prompt to speed up to four-point-nine. The hull starts to groan under the pressure. Mercury Comet-weather reports that at their current speed, they'll reach the rendezvous point in two hours, but he doesn't think they can hold together for that long. New drinking game rule: slam on every time they say the word "rendezvous." Quantum asks if they can reach out and touch the Vulcans, but Hoshi says their signals are still being jammed. "Keep trying," Quantum tells her, and turns to T'Pol to say, "That Vulcan ship better not be late." Because if they are, it's clearly your fault, T'Pol! I think someone needs to inform Captain Lame-Butt that the Vulcan people do not function as a collective. V'Lar arrives on the bridge and asks what's going on. Quantum tells her about the migs on their tail, and V'Lar wonders if they will reach the Sh'Raan without incurring more damage. "I'm not sure," Quantum tells her. V'Lar looks at T'Pol and then back at Quantum to say, "In that case, I need to speak with you." Flashbacks to The Lady Vanishes when, unsure if the train will make it to the border in time, Dame May Whitty has to make Michael Redgrave memorize a top secret tune.
Quantum's Ready Room. V'Lar says she has to consider the possibility that the mission will fail, and Quantum reminds her that he doesn't know what exactly the mission is. V'Lar says that it wasn't only her top secret orders that have been keeping the mission top secret; the fact that she didn't entirely trust Quantum had something to do with it as well. After going back and forth on V'Lar's reasons to be wary of placing trust in humans -- which go all the way back to Earth's application to join "the interstellar community" right after they came out of a global war -- V'Lar tells Quantum what her Mazarite mission is. The Mazarites pursuing them are members of an organized criminal class who have infiltrated all levels of the Mazarite government, accumulating great wealth and power along the way at the expense of "many innocent victims." V'Lar goes on to explain that this Mazar-afia eliminates all who get in their way, including herself. Yawn. Apparently, the non-Mazar-afia wanted this criminal class purged from their society, and asked the Vulcans for help. So, V'Lar was sent to gather evidence, and would enter the Vul-ness Protection Program for three months until she was needed to testify. Quantum still can't grasp why he couldn't have been given top-secret security clearance. I still can't grasp why he can't grasp that the more people who know about a top-secret mission, the less it is top-secrety and the more it becomes public-knowledgey. Who on Surak's red Vulcan does he think he is, anyway? So, the rumor that V'Lar committed a criminal offense was perpetuated in order to make the Mazar-afia think she wouldn't be called upon as a credible witness. They figured that was enough for the Mazar-afia to leave her alone. Apparently, they figured erroneously. V'Lar says she can no longer put Quantum and crew at risk, and asks that he drop out of warp so that she can surrender to the Mazar-afia. Quantum tells her, "It hasn't gotten to that yet," and then goes to The Weight Of The Universe On My Shoulders Window and ponders. V'Lar insists, "It's the most logical course of action." Quantum stops pondering to smile and say, "If you've learned anything about humans, you'd know that we don't always take 'the most logical course of action.'" T'Pol recalls Quantum to the bridge.
Bridge. Hoshi tells him that the Mazar-afia is hailing them, and T'Pol tells him that they can't hold at warp four-point-nine for more than ten minutes. Reed reports, "I don't believe they can either, sir. They're releasing drive plasma to keep their warp cores from overloading." Quantum tells Hoshi to answer the phone. Captain Mazar-afia greets them with a smile and tells them that their engines are overheating. "So're yours," Quantum says in an I'm Rubber And You're Glue voice. Captain Mazar-afia says that if he coughs up the Vulcan, the humans are free to go. "I have a better idea, why don't you slow down before your engines explode," Quantum says. Reed snickers at this. Captain Mazar-afia persists; Quantum refuses and hangs up on him. Mercedes-weather announces that the Mazar-afia cavalcade is increasing to four-point-nine-five, and Reed says they're re-entering firing range again. Quantum comms engineering. "Please tell me you're ready to slow down," Trip grumbles. Quantum tells him they need a little more speed. "I don't know how much I kin give yew," Trip says. "It's called a warp five engine," Quantum reminds him. "On paper!" Trip snorts. Hee. Quantum tells him quietly that they don't have any choice, and Trip aye-sirs him. Quantum offers up his seat to the Vulcan Ambassador, looks at T'Pol, and tells Mitsubishi-weather to increase to warp five. Drawing out the non-tension, Minivan-weather says, "Four-point-nine-three, nine-five." The ship begins to tremble the way my Vomit Comet did when I went above forty-five mph. "Fly her apart, then!" Mathra-Sulu shrieks. In Engineering, Trip wraps an Ace bandage around the warp core and shouts orders. On the bridge, Milk-Cart-weather continues with the count, "Four-point-nine-seven." Reed reports that the Mazar-afia is matching them count for count. "Four-point-nine-nine," Mule-Pack-weather continues. "Warp five!" He smiles at Quantum, who Furrow-Smiles back as the ship begins to rattle back and forth. Trip hooks the warp core up to a plasma I.V. Geddit? Blood plasma? Plasma fuel? Man, I crack myself up.
Bridge. Quantum asks how far the Sh'Raan is, but T'Pol says their sensors are just as jammed as their comm link. "Then use their last position and do the math," Quantum orders. T'Pol looks in him questioningly. "Ah, what a quaint twenty-first century expression," Mathra croons. It is a truth universally acknowledged that any reference to math is a shout-out to Mathra. "Take a guess!" Quantum explains himself. T'Pol does so and says at their current speed, they will reach the Vulcan ship in just under an hour. Reed says that the Mazar-afia will be within firing range long before that. Quantum asks what would doing the math produce IF they could get a message to the Sh'Raan and IF they could tell them to meet Enterprise at top speed. T'Pol tells him the Sh'Raan can go warp seven, which computes to being able to meet them in twelve minutes IF Enterprise maintains warp five the entire time. Hoshi sees no way of getting a message through the interference, but V'Lar gets up and says, "There's a diplomatic frequency we sometimes use. It's in a lower sub-space band, I doubt the Mazarites are aware of it." V'Lar busies herself at Hoshi's console.
Quantum tells Reed that if they manage to get a message out to the Vulcans, they don't want the Mazar-afia to detect the Sh'Raan's approach. Reed suggests deflecting their jamming signal to blind their own sensors. Quantum tells him to get to it. Hoshi is unsure whether they got a message through. "Wouldn't they respond?" T'Pol asks as the lights flicker off. All hell breaks loose in Engineering, a fire starts up and is put out, and Trip tells Quantum that the port injector blew. Hoshi reports that the comm is down, Mayweather says, "They're right on top of us," and T'Pol reports that the Sh'Raan is still eight minutes away. The Mazar-afia fire, Reed reports a direct hit to their port nacelle, and Mayweather announces the drop to impulse. Enterprise speeds out of warp, nacelle smoking, and the three Mazar-afia ships drop out right to it. Cool effects. The comm system must be up again, because Hoshi reports the Mazar-afia are hailing them. Quantum asks T'Pol for an update. "If they received our message, another ten minutes," T'Pol replies. "I thought it was down to eight," Quantum says. Duh -- that was at warp five, and in case the lack of shaking ship didn't give you a hint, you're at impulse now. Reed says they can't hold out against them for that long. V'Lar thanks Quantum for doing his best and makes to turn herself over to the Mazar-afia, but Quantum isn't beaten yet and orders the Ambassador to Sick Bay. She starts to protest, but Quantum says, "If there was ever a time to start trusting us, this would be it!" V'Lar goes. Quantum tells Hoshi to answer the phone, and Quantum babbles at the Mazar-afia to buy time. They grow weary of it and hang up, telling him to prepare to be boarded. Quantum tells Reed he's counting on him. Reed nods. Quantum and T'Pol leave the bridge.
At the airlock, three Mazar-afia with Harvey Keitel ponytails step aboard. Captain Mazar-afia asks where V'Lar is, and Quantum starts to tell him that their last attack blew out a bunch of their systems, including a plasma explosion-thing. "I didn't ask for a damage report, where is she?" Captain Mazar-afia screams. "I was getting to that," Quantum bites out. "Her quarters are on E-Deck, she was no more than ten meters away when the conduit blew." "Her injuries are extensive. Plasma burns, neurological trauma," T'Pol lists. Captain Mazar-afia still insists on seeing V'Lar.
Sick Bay. Phlox looks at an e-chart of someone in the SCAT tube. "The Vulcan?" Captain Mazar-afia asks. "She's undergoing dermal regeneration," Phlox says, looking at the SCAT. Captain Mazar-afia orders him to open it. "I will not," Phlox says, incensed. "I don't know what business you have with this woman, but when she was brought in here, she became my patient! If I remove her from the imaging chamber prematurely, she'll die!" With a look from Captain Mazar-afia, the other two Mazarites pull out their weapons, and Captain Mazar-afia steps closer to Phlox. "Open it," he hisses. Phlox just widens his eyes.
Captain Mazar-afia's beeper goes off, and a voice from his ship reports that their sensors crashed. Captain Mazar-afia asks what caused it. "Enterprise is redirecting our jamming signal," the beeper voice says. Captain Mazar-afia throws a look to Quantum, who squares his chin in response. You know, turnabout is fair play. Or share and share jamming frequencies alike. Captain Mazar-afia steps back and signals to his men. "NO!" Phlox screams, his eyes glassy with tears as Quantum drags him out of range of fire. The Mazarites fire at the SCAT tube, and there's a pause as the e-chart above the tube bleep-bleeps a few times before flashing "System Failure" in red. Wow, Phlox's performance really got to me. We never see him act any other way than with unruffled placidity, even in the face of mortal danger to himself, and to see him get so emotional is quite moving. Especially because he was faking it. Captain Mazar-afia looks smug. That is, he looks smug until a blast from outside reverberates its shock waves against Enterprise.
In outer space, a very large tubular ship with a ring around it -- aw hell, nqllisi called a spade a spade when she called it T'Phallus -- heaves into view, firing on all the Mazar-afia ships. Captain Mazar-afia presses a button on his pink (hee!) beeper and demands a report. He gets static back. "Answer me! What's going on?" Captain Mazar-afia yells. Quantum says quietly, "I imagine they have their hands full right about now. I believe that's the Sh'Raan. She's a Vulcan combat cruiser, one of their most powerful, if I'm not mistaken." Hoshi comms Quantum that the captain of the T'Phallus wants to talk to him. Quantum orders her to put the captain through to Sick Bay. A Vulcan appears on the SCAT screen. "Captain Archer, are you in any danger?" Captain T'Phallus calmly asks. "You could say that," Quantum responds, eyeing the Mazar-afia. "Tell the Mazarites to turn over their weapons at once or we'll destroy their ships," Captain T'Phallus says, still comically calmly. I especially loved how he told Quantum to tell the Mazar-afia that when he knows full well the Mazar-afia can hear his every word. It's like they're so inconsequential, they are beneath him even giving them the direct order to relinquish their deadly weapons in the face of ultimate destruction. And that, my friends and foes, is why I love Vulcans. Captain Mazar-afia stares at the screen a few seconds before jerking his head at his men to hand over their weapons. T'Pol takes them. "We'll be standing by, Captain," Captain T'Phallus says, and hangs up. "We did what we came to do, that's all that matters," Captain Mazar-afia snits, and turns on his heel. As the doors of Sick Bay open, Captain Mazar-afia is confronted by the ghost of the murdered dead. V'Lar stands there, calmly. "I am sorry to disappoint you," V'Lar says. What's this?! They put one over on their enemies? But how is that possible? Captain Mazar-afia looks back at Quantum accusingly, enraged that he was tricked into not murdering someone Quantum was trying to protect. "I look forward to adding this incident to my testimony at your trial," V'Lar tells him. The Mazar-afia stomp out.
Quantum logs in, recounting that the Vulcans allowed the Mazar-afia to leave and that V'Lar says there's good reason for doing so. "Though she's certainly not sharing it with me," Quantum closes, and logs out. The inner door opens on the airlock to reveal two Vulcan attendants, who bow to V'Lar. V'Lar heaves a gusty sigh: "Some day I'd like to walk into a room without it seeming like a state visit." "Occupational hazard?" Quantum quips. V'Lar nods and sends her attendants away. She thanks Quantum for his help, and apologizes for being such trouble to him and his crew. Quantum Furrows that they were glad to be of service. V'Lar looks back and forth between Quantum and T'Pol. "I sense a great bond between you. A bond of trust and respect. But also, a bond of friendship. I think it bodes well for the future relations between our peoples," she says, still trying hard to channel Lwaxana Troi. You know what hurts more than an anvil landing on the bridge of your nose? Vomiting anvils after a scene like that. V'Lar sticks her hand out at Quantum, who takes it and says so long farewell. V'Lar turns to T'Pol. "Live long and prosper," she says. No hand-sign-thing-that-I-am-physically-incapable-of-doing, though. T'Pol bows, and V'Lar leaves. The doors slide shut with the camera on T'Pol's face and Quantum fuzzily Furrowing behind her. I think that's Supposed To Mean Something.
on Enterprise -- and by "," I mean "later the same night" -- Trip and Quantum try to pawn themselves off as droids to the Jawas.