Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Putting the "Dent" in "President"
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 16 | Aired on 04.03.2005
Lispy Skip is already firing up the facial recognition software as Bitchelle stands over him. While that's going on, Buchanan moves in next to her and gets his close-talk on, apologizing for snapping. Bitchelle says it's okay, but her expression says, "Please stand further away from me, creepy old dude." Buchanan puts an affectionate hand on her shoulder, a gesture that doesn't go unobserved by Soul Patch from way across the floor. "Oh, snap," the music hisses. Bitchelle gets back to work. I guess I misread that look. It must have been saying, "Please stand further away from me, creepy old dude, when we're at work."
Soul Patch goes over to Potato Face to ask how long Buchanan's been at Division. Potato Face says, "I don't know. It took them a while to fill Chappelle's position." Yeah, I bet. I'd love to see that want ad: "Chosen candidate will supervise CTU Los Angeles, act as liaison between CTU and Division, get shot in the melon by a subordinate by order of the President of the United States, and other duties as assigned. Some travel." Potato Face guesses that Buchanan's been on the job for six months. Soul Patch asks where Buchanan was before that, and Potato Face says Seattle. "Seattle?" says Soul Patch. "Yeah, that's where Bitchelle was posted while you were in jail, right?" Potato Face bitchfaces. Way to cut right to the most unprovokedly assholish thing you could have said, lady. Soul Patch thanks her instead of smacking her, and moves off.
You'll never believe this, but Lispy Skip's facial recognition software has already got a match from one of those documents. And it's Poor Man's Eric Stoltz's face that's resolving on his screen. Please. If law enforcement agencies could really make leaps like this that quickly, terrorists wouldn't bother. Hell, jaywalkers wouldn't bother. Bitchelle calls Kiefer to give him the bullet on Poor Man's Eric Stoltz. Here's what she tells him that we don't already know: he's on the FBI watch list, ex-military (not surprising), arrested for drug possession, spent time in military prison, dishonorably discharged (which I actually suspected) four years ago, and has been doing mercenary work around the world since then, although he came back to the U.S. last year. Bitchelle says that Poor Man's Eric Stoltz was "moved up the list" when the alert level was raised, and an FBI agent is on the way to check out his apartment right now for some reason. Kiefer wants more info on Poor Man's Eric Stoltz, including his address, as well as the number of the FBI agent who's on the way to his place. Bitchelle agrees and rings off.
It's 10:22:04 as a woman in a suit and short, dark, Bride-of-Kiefer-like hair knocks on the door of Apartment 2F. "FBI. I'm looking for Poor Man's Eric Stoltz," she calls. Some posters complained that the FBI blew it by only sending one agent to the apartment. I, on the other hand, don't know why they sent that many. Literally one minute ago, nobody had any clue that Poor Man's Eric Stoltz was connected to ImhoTerror at all. So with everything else going on today, the FBI has enough agents sitting around to send out to the homes of every person on its watch list, just in case? I think not. Inside the apartment, NotMandy slinks across the loft and vanishes from sight. The FBI Agent, who identifies herself as Agent Drake, knocks again and tries the door, which is unlocked. She draws her weapon and steps inside. Seeing nobody around, she pulls out her cell phone just before a silenced gunshot is heard and she goes down. NotMandy -- the person who just shot her, in case I'm not making that clear -- watches from her vantage point up in the loft as Agent Drake hits the floor. Then NotMandy goes downstairs to pick up the agent's cell phone, which is now ringing. She pulls out Drake's badge, reads it, and answers the phone: "Agent Drake."