Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Putting the "Dent" in "President"
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 16 | Aired on 04.03.2005
Keeler is congratulating his son on how helpful he's been with the speech. The writers can have him say that, because we'll never get to hear it. They're interrupted by one of Keeler's flunkies -- that same guy from earlier in the season who I suspected is from the Washington Post -- who hands him a phone. "Mr. President," Bitchelle says to POTUS, "we have reason to believe that a stealth fighter has been stolen by terrorists and is in your airspace as we speak." Keeler calmly says he's due to land and about to address the country (or at least Hawaii), and wants to know how sure they are. Bitchelle says it's a near-certainty, and that she's informed Air Force One's pilot that they're clear to land in Palm Springs. Keeler pooh-poohs that his fighter escort should be able to protect his plane, but Bitchelle points out that it's a stealth plane and could be on them before his escort has time to react. Keeler wants to know how long before they're found. Bitchelle admits she doesn't know, but points out that "the radar signature of a 747 and four fighter planes is unmistakable." "You're telling me that this stolen stealth plane will attempt to shoot me down," Keeler says, while the First Preppie looks sad in the background. Yeah, bummer when people are trying to kill your dad. By blowing up the plane that you're also on, idiot. "I see," says Keeler, and hangs up. Keeler tells his son that the plane may be under attack. "We're going to take some precautions." I'm sure the First Preppie will be glad to hear about all the countermeasures available to Air Force One: evasive action, chaff to confuse a missile's guidance systems, an emergency dive, a tighter escort formation, et cetera. So Keeler says to his flunky, "Get me the Vice President on the phone." Oh, that kind of precaution. Gulp.
10:55:35. As requested, Soul Patch is forwarding Poor Man's Eric Stoltz's bio to Kiefer. The guy has dead parents and a sister named Alicia, with whom he lived for a number of years, so "they might be close." Kiefer asks if there's record of any recent contact with her, and Soul Patch offers to check, but Kiefer says there's no time. He just wants to get patched through to Poor Man's Eric Stoltz.
Potato Face, meanwhile, has plugged into an Air Traffic Control radar screen which shows Air Force One, surrounded by its five fighter escorts. It looks nothing like what we saw in Pushing Tin. She reports that AF1 is descending through 20,000 feet and due to touch down in nine minutes. Just in time for the president to address Guam. Bitchelle asks her if there's any sign of the stealth aircraft. Well, there wouldn't be, would there? When Potato Face answers in the negative, Bitchelle says hopefully, "Maybe it's not there." "It's there," says Potato Face. "We just can't see it. We're being beaten by our own technology." Again.