Episode Report Card Sobell: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Well, look what you've done now, Michael
By Sobell | Season 1 | Episode 7 | Aired on 10.02.2005
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Michael takes a little time-out from prison breaking to go a-rescuing; he shimmies around until he manages to locate the good doctor, hauls her into the pipes system, and runs around with her until she's able to get free. There is much making of the mooncalf eyes; those of you who are rooting for Michael and Dr. Tancredi to Just Do It Already may be backing the winning horse. Those of you rooting for Michael and Sucreâ¦may be out of luck. Sucre sublimates his romantic disappointment by drilling with Abruzzi, and breaks through the wall to the pipe on the other side.
Lincoln manages to escape from his beefy would-be killer, but doesn't know who sent Turk after him. And Lincoln, Jr. manages to piss off his mom and his stepdad; this will undoubtedly come back to bite him in the tuchis later.
Finally, T-Bag is a bad, bad man. (In a prison? No!) He spends the episode taunting poor Bob the CO, then knifes him in the gut at the very end. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously...the whole entire series took place. Only compressed in three minutes. I feel like this is a challenge to me. Very well, FOX! I'll play: the entire series, compressed into a haiku:
Michael's in the joint,
but not for long! He's leaving --
sometime during sweeps.
So we get over that and we're back to Michael on the roof of the prison. He quickly finds some vent and pulls off the screen so he can shimmy inside.
Down below, the Illinois National Guard has wrecked the lawn. It's no longer the grassy sward of yore. Somewhere, the prison groundskeepers are weeping. Unless they're prisoners -- in that case, they're rioting.
The music is suitably bombastic. Pope strides across the grass, looking suitably managerial, and notices a bunch of COs just standing around and looking like they really wish they had a hackysack. He grabs Bellick and snaps, "Get those guys in line!" Bellick turns to the guy immediately to his right and says, "Get 'em into formation." Behold the power of delegation! Bellick asks if the COs are going back in and Pope says, "Not yet. We cut the water off an hour ago. I want to wait until I can actually see the clouds of testosterone billowing out of every window and door." Bellick is doubtful that the refined sensibilities of the inmates -- "Oh, the odor! Ah, me!" -- is what will drive them out of the prison and stop the riot. Pope is like, "No [it won't work], but it's protocol. And we're going to do this by the book. It's the best chance we have of everybody getting out of there with nobody getting hurt." The best chance of this riot ending is to apply a non-effective tactic and wait? Because the inmates will presumably get bored?
Well, one's in the mood for small talk right now! It's a bald inmate with a beard; he's telling the warden they've got some demands. Abruzzi -- who is even slimier than usual, what with all the sweat -- gurgles, "Tell him we need the air back on." Beardo does. Abruzzi adds, "We got a hostage -- the guard." Beardo shares this. Pope and Bellick share looks of dismay. Within seconds, they learn that the prisoners have Bob. Inside the prison, Abruzzi orders, "And that girl doctor. Tell them we got her." The other guy looks back like, Really? You've been holding out on me? He snaps, "You do it!" Abruzzi says, "I don't want to get shot." You have nothing to worry about, John: at this point, any bullet that comes near you is going to drown in your sweat. Beardo -- who is sporting a little bit of a beer belly -- makes a hilarious and futile effort to reduce the amount of surface area available for the shooting, and shouts, "We got the girl doctor!"
Pope explodes with, "How the HELL did that happen?! How did they get their hands on her?" Bellick's all, "Uh...I thought she was safe. She was in sick bay." All of a sudden, Pope's hot to go in and get out Dr. Tancredi, and Bellick's all, "Yeah, not so fast on that. It's not by the book." Shut up, you riot-fomenting slacktard. Fortunately, Bellick is spared being beaten to death by the book thanks to a flunkie's arrival.