Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | 110 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Bitchelle of Mercy
By Gustave | Season 3 | Episode 17 | Aired on 2004.04.06
Back at CTU, Soul Patch is having a disappointing talk with NHS and learns that there are no cures or antidotes for the V-I-R-U-S. "I gotta hotel full of guests dying in there and one of them is my wife!" he yells into the phone before he hangs up. Spawn enters and does the "if there's anything I can do" thing. Shut up, Spawn. If you really wanted to cheer Soul Patch up, you could take off your jacket. And can I just ask why have they gone out of their way to make Spawn so plain this season? These ads for The Girl Next Door just totally reminded me of how hot Elisha Cuthbert is when they put her in a clingy belly shirt and her hair isn't looking like a mushroom cap. Chappelle enters and asks Spawn to excuse them. He rips into Soul Patch for making that call to NHS on behalf of his wife when there's important work to be done. "She's my wife!" shrieks Soul Patch. Chappelle tells him to move on. "You're acting like she's already dead!" shrieks Soul Patch. "Yes, I am," says Chappelle, telling Soul Patch to either go home or focus. "Make it about getting revenge," says Chappelle. Wow, Chappelle is being kind of cool during this episode. I wonder if that means he's going to die soon and therefore become the beneficiary of a jerk-ectomy. Soul Patch agrees to straighten up and fly right. Chappelle announces that he's going to follow a money trail or two that hopefully will lead them to Sahhhhn-ders.
Kiefer and Charlie reach a richly appointed modern bungalow surrounded on all sides by a chain-link fence. Kiefer breaks in to find Diana White herself in a shiny pink bathrobe and brandishing a loaded gun. She shoots at Kiefer but misses. He hides behind a column and shows her some identification. "What do you want?" asks Diana. "I just want to talk to you about Stephen Sahhhhn-ders," says Kiefer. "Bastard!" shrieks Diana; she jumps out of her hiding place and shoots, unsuccessfully, at Kiefer again. He tricks her into disarming herself by putting his gun down and putting his hands up. As she approaches him, Charlie Brown comes out of his hiding place and throws her down on the ground. Kiefer wants to ask her about Sahhhhn-ders. Diana wants to put on some clothes first. This is all an excuse for us to almost see some skin as Kiefer follows Diana into her boudoir, holds a gun on her, and watches her change from her robe into a powder blue track suit that clings magnificently to her small but perky bosoms. Kiefer asks her about her association with Sahhhhn-ders and if she gave him information about her clientele. "I provided a service for wealthy men," says Diana, insisting that she'd never worked for Sahhhhn-ders in that way. "How long do you think that would have lasted if I betrayed their confidence?" "I don't believe you," says Kiefer. "I don't care," says Diana, with a shrug that seems to indicate -- to me at least -- that she's telling the truth. She refuses to answer any questions without a lawyer present. Kiefer explains to her that she's not under arrest, and she's going into MI-6 to be interrogated by a foreign government. "Your constitutional rights no longer apply," says Kiefer. The time is 05:35:15 AM.