Episode Report Card M. Giant: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT If We Only Had the Nerve Gas
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 01.29.2006
Diane and Derek are on their way out of CTU when Diane spots Audrey from across the floor. Derek gets shaken off yet again so his mother can go over and stick her nose where it doesn't belong. Again. "Do you still have feelings for Jack?" Diane asks Audrey. Audrey tries to blow her off, but Diane won't be blown: "He's been living with my son and me for the last six months. We started to become a family. And I care about him. Do you know he still loves you?" Audrey turns to regard Diane, wide-eyed at either the news or at Diane's effrontery. If Buchanan were here, he'd say to Diane, "Damn, you're nosy! Want a job?" When Audrey doesn't answer, Diane tells her, "If you don't love him, let him go." Yeah, right. Diane, meet Audrey.
Kiefer arrives at the appointed meeting place at 12:19:26, just in time to...answer a cell phone call from Audrey. She treats him to about a week and a half of dead air before she finally screws up the courage to say what's on her mind: "When this is over, are you coming back?" Kiefer doesn't know; he just knows he's not going back to Diane. "Is it true what she said?" Audrey asks. "That you still love me?" She's got that dreamy look on her face that she always gets when boys like her. After a long pause, Kiefer answers, "I never stopped loving you. Not for one second." Now Audrey's all weepy as she begs Kiefer not to leave again. "It's more complicated than that," Kiefer says, which might be his nice way of saying that he's suddenly starting to remember part of the reason he left in the first place. Checking his watch, he says, "It's time. I gotta go." Audrey has more to say, but Kiefer's out of time. Especially where Audrey is concerned. Yes! He can be taught! Audrey stutters a goodbye and hangs up. Kiefer gets out of his CTUmobile, slinging the trusty man-purse over his shoulder. Ah, the man-purse, the one thing that will never jerk him around. Unless, of course, somebody sneaks a rabid wolverine into it.
Logan is in his office, on the phone with someone and doing what he does best: avoiding responsibility. He refuses to comment on the roadblocks going up, and reminds whoever's on the other end to keep word of the nerve gas quiet so as to avoid a "panic." I think he really means "further panic," as in "panic in addition to my own." He hangs up the phone, spots Aaron at the door, and waves him into the room. Aaron reports that FLOTUS has been found safe in the stable. Looking miserable, Aaron has more to add: "Mrs. Logan said some things," he says awkwardly. Logan sympathetically says he's already heard all of FLOTUS's conspiracy theories, like he's sorry that Aaron had to be subjected to them. As Walt enters, Logan ushers Aaron out, thanking him for his concern. But rest assured that Aaron will be back later, much to the relief of all his fans and all the viewers surnamed Morshower. I wonder which of those two demos is larger.